Song Girl Research

Re-published from The Bootleg's 10/15/94 USC Issue.

From The Bootleg Archives
Published 10/15/94
Volume I, Nr. 7

Your Bootleg editors bit the bullet and took on the oh-so-torturous task of interviewing several current and former $C Song Girls. They are, as everyone knows, the ultimate fantasy of every red-blooded American male. Each of the young women requested anonymity in exchange for providing us with their home phone numbers (a deal to which we happily agreed)! What did we learn? Welcome to the school where image really is everything! First of all, the biggest scoop: They actually have to WEIGH IN on a weekly basis! How do they get away with a requirement like that in the '90's? Tell us that rule would make it by our Faculty Senate! Second, did you realize that those famous U$C sweaters are individually custom-made for each girl's figure, right down to 1/8th of an inch!! Yes, they do deliberately design them so as to show "just the right amount" of bare midriff! No truth to the rumor that they wear a brand new sweater for every game ala Jerry Rice & his always new shoes. We asked if it really takes four hours to get ready for game-day appearances- Answer: "Oh m' God, no way, like, it only takes, like, two hours!" (Only two hours?) They do actually put in an average of 30 hours each week, not counting going out to dinner with rich $C alums and film producers. Unlike our beloved Dollies, they are not affiliated with their band whatsoever. They claim to dance rather than "cheer." In general, they get one to three movie offers per year, date 8-10 times a month, and prefer water polo players to football players (those H2O polo guys make out like bandits, don't they?) We tried very hard to start a little cattiness, but they insisted that they had nothing but respect for the Stanford Dollies. Bet it won't surprise you that all of the 1994 Song Girls are registered Republicans. 92% support lower capital gains taxes. The other 8% had absolutely no clue what we were talking about.

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