The Bootleg Archives
Nov. 19, 1994
Vol. I, Nr. 12
Big Game Traditions The PC Army Has Defeated
1) "The Bonfire": Oh sure, they're holding a "symbolic mini-blaze" at Arrillaga Plaza Thurs. night. Bring marshmallows!
2) "The San Francisco Street Rally": So, a few people were run over and we trashed Aquatic Park a few times, big deal!
3) "Painting Things Red": Get caught painting anything these days and it's "30 days, $10,000, 40 lashes and 200 hours of community service". People, painting things red in Berkeley is a service to the community! Nevertheless, look for a few courageous rebels to produce a major display of Cardinal "colorization" as you drive past South City this week.
4) "Stealing the Axe": What used to be considered "creative" and "demonstrative of school spirit" can be so no more. In the 90's, the formerly celebrated practice of abducting mascots and "borrowing" game trophies are now simply "felonies" in the minds of LSJU administrators.
5) "Axe Trophy Correction": We had a long-standing tradition of changing the score from the Screw of '82 (Cal 25-20) back to its proper 20-19 Cardinal victory. However, our outrageously spineless PC University has elected to discontinue this practice for "undisclosed reasons". Can they really be that friggin' uptight?
6) "Buns of Steel": Remember that super-athletic Nigerian guy who used to run with the big Stanford flag? We LOVED that guy! Possessed exceptional flag-guarding and rail-leaping skills. We need him back! Help us find him? We'll pay!
[Editor's Note: With the help of long-time Bootleg supporter Bob Hellman, we did fly Buns of Steel (aka Seye Ewedemi) back for Big Game 1996 in Berkeley. As many of you will recall, we got him on the field that day and he ran the flag with as much power and grace as in his "prime" – a great memory!]
7) "ScoreCard": Getting liquored at Raspberry Ravine and then stopping off at Mills College for a little post-game pillage.
8) "Gaities": This traditional collection of skits and parodies has been renamed and is now to be known as "Alternative Humor Night"
The Dreaded Thought Police [DTP], who by the way are welcome to osculate our Pocahontean posteriors, have totally put the proverbial collar on enthusiasm in American collegiate athletics. We talked at length with the Stanford Axe Committee, which admitted that without possession of "The Holy Hatchet" for the first time in seven years, they've got nothing to do this week other than sell pins! They did not even get to attend the Big Game luncheons this week!