Clardy's Corner - 10/30

Troy deftly ducked out of jury duty this week in the nick of time to provide you with his weekly wise-cracks and witchcraft. His pontifications range from the Stanford offense to Telemundo to Salma Hayek... though we regret to inform you that the planned Salma Hayek pictorial to accompany this piece was blocked with a last-minute injunction. Darned lawyers...

The bad thing about spending a day trying to get out of jury duty is that, well, you have to spend the day getting out of it. The good thing about spending the day trying to get out of jury duty is that it allows you some time to think. And since we've reached the halfway point of the Pac-10 season, now seems like as good a time as any to serve up another column chock full of…

RANDOM PAC-10 THOUGHTS

So UCLA has a true freshman quarterback who is taking his first ever collegiate snaps, a freshman running back, and a punter moonlighting as a placekicker for his first time. And the quarterback doesn't make any major mistakes, the running back carries the rock 39 times, and the punter/kicker goes five-for-five on field goal attempts? It seemed before the game that UCLA had more reasons to lose than Stanford did…

The talk of Stanford postgame centered around the controversial decisions to go for it on two separate fourth downs. Buddy Teevens himself even questioned his first attempt, a fourth-and-one situation at the Stanford 28 with 6:24 to go and the Bruins up by seven. I'm not a head coach, but I sometimes play one on the radio and on the internet, and while there's no question that the game gets put out of reach if you don't get it (which Stanford didn't), I would have done the same thing. But here's my thing: if you can't get one yard with the game on the line, you probably don't deserve to win anyway. As for the second fourth-down call, even with Stanford's kicking problems, I would have gone for the field goal attempt. Fourth-and-15 is just too hard to try for…

The Damning Stanford Stat of the Week: the Card have scored just 25 points in the fourth quarter so far this year…

What's this? I actually have a postgame show this weekend? I'm not preempted by baseball? Wow. I'll finally talk to you guys this weekend for the first time in a month. Let's hope we're talking about some good things at about 4:00p this Saturday…

With Oregon dropping two straight at home, the Huskies freefalling, and the Beavers struggling against the Pac-10, the Washington State Cougars are saving Pacific Northwest college football right now…

What a collapse by the Ducks last week. Every time we looked at the monitor in our booth at the Rose Bowl press box, U$C's score just kept getting bigger. DuckFan just had to make two long drives back to Portland in a row. In a row! Do I hear three in a row? Can I hear three in a row? Please?

Pac-10 Stat of the week: The last two quarterbacks to face Oregon have combined to throw for 984 yards! They allowed Andrew Walter to set the Pac-10 passing record one week, then followed up by allowing Carson Palmer to set the U$C passing record the next week. "Gang Green" is gone, "Green Light" is back…

Meanwhile, the Huskies are going downhill even faster than the Ducks. They can't run the ball and they can't stop anyone from throwing the ball. In the Pac-10, that's not a good position to be in…

At this rate, the Oregon-Washington clash on November 16 might decide who gets to book plane tickets for a Christmas in Vegas…

You knew Wazzu would be involved in the Pac-10's most important regular season game of the year, but who in the world thought that game would be against Arizona State?

Speaking of the surprising Sun Devils, would everyone who picked A-State to finish last in the Pac-10 please stand up? OK…wait, I can't be the only one, can I?

When you can't run the ball, you generally lose. When you can run the ball, you generally win. Exhibit A: last week's cal-Oregon State game. The Beavers ran for 301 yards. The Bears ran for 16. Guess who won?

Great to see Justin Fargas finally have a chance to have an impact game, especially after all that kid's been through…

Not a Pac-10 thought, but…Part One: how much fun is it to watch that Notre Dame defense?

Not a Pac-10 thought, but…Part Two: how come I can't hit the SAP button on my remote when I'm watching Telemundo and get the English translation? Do I need an EAP button for that?

Not a Pac-10 thought, but…Part Three: two new reality TV shows need to be added to the mix, pronto. "Eagles Court," featuring the actual real-live court they set up at Veterans Stadium to handle those Eagles fans. Why is this not already a syndicated television show? If there's one thing I've learned from Cops and this season's edition of The Real World, it is that drunk and disorderly conduct makes for fine programming. The other show, courtesy of my former boss here at The Ticket 1050 (and is now the engineer and producer for the radio broadcasts of the World Champion Anaheim Angels…there's a phrase I never thought I'd type): "Fat to 400." A bunch of 250-pounders all live in one house; first one to 400 pounds wins a million dollars. How cool would that be? Add to those shows the English translation of Sabado Gigante and you would have some cornerstone television programming. All of this just needs to happen…

Not a Pac-10 thought, but…Part Four: if I was the king of the football world, I would put in two new rules. First, only one intentional spike to stop the clock would be allowed per possession. None of this first down, spike, first down, spike, first down, spike, first down, spike crap that you see when teams run two-minute drills without timeouts. Second, if a kicker sends the ball through the uprights on a kickoff, it's worth a point. Those would be cool rules, no?


PAC-10 PICKS

Since there was no official line on the Stanford-UCLA game, I can only apply that result to the straight-up column. And since I picked Stanford by seven, it seriously pains me to do so. You realize that if I misfire on exactly one straight-up pick every week for the rest of the season I'll end up equaling my records from the past two seasons (I've finished 29-11 two years running)? I need a perfect week or two somewhere along the line…

As always, these picks are for entertainment purposes only, so don't take these to the bank. Although by the looks of it, you may not be doing too badly if you have been…

And I appreciate the e-mails, but yes, I really did pick Arizona State to beat the Huskies by 73 last week!

Stanford @ Oregon. One team is on a disappointing downturn, has a fine running game, and has the troubling trait of sagging in the second half. The other team is Stanford, although their characteristics are strikingly similar to Oregon's right now. Who knew that it was possible for the Ducks to drop back-to-back games at Autzen? Is that this month's most telling sign that the apocalypse is near? What's next, the Bears winning a Big Game? The Ducks and their fans are apoplectic and embarrassed, and they're looking to take it out on somebody. Until Stanford shows that they can attempt and complete a pass more than 20 yards downfield and go through a game without a mistake in the kicking department, it's gonna be hard for me to pick them. I like Oregon by 15.

Arizona State @ Washington State. The biggest Pac-10 game of the year to this point. The Pac-10 has to be openly rooting for the Cougs to win at this point, because Wazz


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