Boot Power Ratings™: Nov. 3

Proving that life is sometimes stranger than fiction, TreeBoy's reign as the Boot Computer Analyst drew to a premature close because the aptly named TreeBoy is off to lead ecotourism tours in Costa Rica. Luckily, we have the Boot Computer in able hands, and this week's Boot Power Ratings would do TreeBoy proud, because they take no prisoners. Oregon's obviously No. 1, but just where is Stanford?

1. Oregon 89

LaDon't LaTell LaProject LaRunway LaAfter LaQuite LaPossibly LaTheir LaUgliest LaUniforms LaYet, LaBut LaThe LaMallards LaAre LaAtop LaThe LaBPR. LaMichael James ran for 183 yards and a touchdown, and the Ducks put up 391 yards, four touchdowns and eight yards per play – and that's just rushing. Just imagine if someone told Chip Kelly the season started in September. Reverse the 19-8 season-opening loss at Boise and the 38-36 squeaker past Purdue the next week, and we'd really be LaTalking.

2. USC 86

The '80s. Rock and roll. El Nino. The $5 All-You-Can-Eat Chinese Buffet place a mile from my house that was just bulldozed. All good things must come to an end, and for U$C to be listed in the BPR behind a number other than one is a first. The fall might not end at two though, because right now, defensively, the Trojans are leaking (tee hee). The rich-but-not-quite-smart-enough-for-Stanford'ers have allowed 27, 36 and 47 to Notre Dame, Oregon State and Oregon in the last three weeks. Maybe we'll lend them some members of our back seven in two weeks time, just to give them a fighting chance.

3. Arizona 80

Anyone else think Mike Stoops is going to inevitably blow it down the stretch or is that just us? After Wazzu this week, the Fightin' Felines end with Cal, Oregon and USC in their final four, so we'll find out soon enough. Discounting UCLA because they stink, the Cats' last three final scores were a 43-38 win, a 33-36 loss and a 37-32 win. Eminem might have forgot about Dre, but looks like Zona forgot about D. The Cats control their own Pac-10 destiny, but good luck down the stretch with that Swiss cheese defense.

4. Oregon State 78

The Woodchewers get a B on their Quizz last week after beating UCLA by a touchdown. The performance was solid enough for a convincing W, not solid enough for those of us who had the Beavers at -9, not that we're bitter or anything. After visiting Bezerkley this week, Oregon State +better enjoy Washington and Washington State the next two weeks, because playing USC close suddenly doesn't look as good as it did last week and, oh yeah, good luck beating out Oregon for any in-state prospect this recruiting cycle – or in Autzen for the season finale.

5. California 73

Proving a blind squirrel does find a nut every now and again, Golden Bear kicker Giorgio Tavecchio hit a 24-yard game winner after missing two field goals earlier that day, and making just 3-of-6 on the season prior to that kick. Perhaps more surprisingly, Kevin Riley even managed to drive the Pandas down the field without foolishly going down in-bounds and letting the clock expire. (You thought we forgot, Weenies?) Too bad USC and Oregon beat you guys a combined 72-6. You might be saving the trees, but you'll be going roseless for at least another year.

6. Stanford 72

Thus far, our heroic Cardinal have beat every team below them in the BPRs, but lost to every team they've faced ranked above them. Improvement week is going to have to improve upon that track record if the Cardinal don't want to be home for Christmas. Speaking of which, the instant the final whistle sounds on Stanford's sixth win, the BPR is starting an advocacy group for the Las Vegas Bowl. Christmas in Vegas, what could be better?

7. Arizona State 65

Fire and brimstone just ain't what it used to be, as four of the last six teams to dance with the Devils have emerged victorious, putting a bowl bid in serious jeopardy. Erickson needs to win at UCLA and then upset either USC, Oregon or Cal, which could happen – just with Erickson's '89 ‘Canes, not the '09 Devils. You know you're playing crappy football when the AP recap of the Cal game includes the following prose:
"It was an ugly, penalty-filled game, with two middle-of-the-Pac-10 teams combining for 23 penalties for 238 yards. They also had five turnovers."
"The weather was gorgeous -- 74 degrees and sunny at kickoff. The first half was hideous.
In the first two quarters, the Golden Bears and Sun Devils combined for four turnovers, five fumbles and 145 penalty yards.
The Sun Devils rank 120th, and last in the nation, in penalty yards per game, with 84.4. They had 85 at halftime -- with 75 coming on personal fouls."
ASU – no degree for Obama, but at least we're No. 1 in something.

8. UCLA 64

You may have hot cheerleaders, but the Nothing Brewin's don't appear to have a football team. Oregon State took an off week and still spanked you, jumping out to a 16-0 lead before animal cruelty laws let you back into the game. The good news is the 0-5 conference mark can't get worse, the better news is that it might just get better with the Washingtons and Arizona State the next three opponents. The BPR really hopes ABC picks up that UCLA/Wazzu contest. Should be a thriller.
Hey, at least basketball season is around the corner.

9. Washington 40

Sark probably thought he did something special by beating USC, but Oregon was quick to deflate that thought for the purple dogs. (And who ever thought a purple dog for a mascot was a good idea? Did they watch Barney and Lassie back-to-back or something?) Now the LaLas of the canine world need to beat their handicapped in-state rivals and two of UCLA, Oregon State and Cal just to end the season .500. All this for a team that was ranked No. 24 in the country a mere month ago.
Hey, at least basketball season is around the corner.

10. Washington State 11

A national audience wanted to see just how putrid the Cougars could be, and Washington State didn't disappoint, losing 40-14 to Notre Dame in San Antonio, in a game so made for TV that it felt like a stunt or an exhibition. It probably did feel like an exhibition to Jimmy Clausen, who worked out his anger after watching Tim Tebow likely clinch a Heisman Trophy he would win were there any justice in the world. Emu-Limo kid (Emu link, limo link) torched WSU for 22-of-27 passing with two touchdowns and no picks, proving once and for all it is easier to score on Washington State's Cougars than their real-life counterparts. The Cougars get an 11 this week, but if they keep this up much longer, we might have to break out the imaginary numbers.

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