Yeah they got ran LaBleep over, but Stanford's done that to everyone in this league. Save for a 24-10 win over UCLA in which Jeremiah Masoli was injured, the Ducks have scored at least 30 in every game except the opener, and at least 40 in every Pac-10 game – streaks dating back to September. LeGarrette Blount is back, itching to replace LaMichael should he drop LaTouchdown again versus Arizona State this week. The Boise State OL's advice to Chip Kelly? Listen to LeGarrette when he's angry. Barring that, duck.
2. USC 82
After winning by Magnum-sized margins back in the Matt Leinart era (though, ironically, Leinart did forget his Trojans with the women's basketball team), USC must prefer the extra sensation super-thin contraceptives this year, as Cheaty Petey's last three victories have all come by a touchdown or less, making a 12-point line against Stanford all the more puzzling. The good news is that USC is back at home for its final three after playing four of its last five away from L.A. Last week, the Trojans were outgained 347 to 258 yards by AS-who, and ASU's defense held USC to 12 first downs. Take away a screen pass Damian Williams stretched into a 75-yard touchdown, and Matt Barkley was 6-of-21 for 37 yards on the day! He's 40-something, but even Charles Barkley can score better than you, Matt.
3. Oregon State 77
Well, it's November. Guess it's time for Oregon State to be hitting on all cylinders. Hey, Mike Riley, I've got an idea for you. Why don't you set your clock a month back each July so that your team doesn't choke (take two, take three, take four – this is seriously incredible) on its own dust each September before finishing like gangbusters? Consider it your daylight savings time. After all, must take time to work in all those JUCO transfers.
4. Stanford 73
Native Georgians are always telling me Pac-10 defenses are soft, to which I say, if sober, hey, go and tell that to Troy Polamalu (or John Lynch, depending on my debator's age) or, if inebriated, Gettysburg was 150 years ago. Get over it. Still, the Tunnel Workers have inadvertently played into the stereotype and made the rest of the league look soft – that's how thoroughly they're steamrolling through opposing front sevens. I can't help but wonder how well Stanford's O line would fare in a black-and-blue Big Ten (admittedly, most of their bruises are self-inflicted and have been for a few years now) or, the Almighty's gift to the game football, the SEC. The good news is we might find out in a bowl game.
5. Arizona 71
I think the Wildcats are as fake as the chests of some of their students. You lost to a top-ten team decisively (Iowa), split against teams with a pulse (narrow wins against Oregon State and Stanford, narrow loss to pre-implosion Washington ) and cleaned up on the cupcakes (Northern Arizona, UCLA and Wazzu), the latter of which your aforementioned student body would never do because have you seen how many calories are in those things? (I don't know how Little Debbie stays so Little, but it's not with those processed sweets, I tell you that.) Anyways, Cal, Oregon, ASU and USC are the final four, three of them on the road, meaning that first-place Pac-10 to 4-5 conference finish is entirely possible. Knowing Mike Stoops' track record in November, heck, I'm practically expecting it.
6. California 65
So Mike Stoops coaches our hypothetical team in September, Mike Riley coaches it in November and Jeff Tedford can take it in – oh wait, Jeff Tedford coaches it in 2006, the last time he was an up-and-comer. Stanford fans' hearts obviously go out to Cal and Jahvid Best this week, and so if ever there were a week to root for Cal, this would be it. Plus, a win over Arizona in Bezerkley would go a long way toward helping Stanford's Rose Bowl push. We know it's been awhile, Bears, so we'll be sure to show you our photos.
7. Arizona State 62
The Sun Devils are better than us Card fans think, because they've played everyone save for us pretty close. 20-17 loss to Georgia on a last-minute field goal. 23-21 loss to Cal on a last-minute field goal. (You'd think they would have learned.) 14-9 to USC – but the defense essentially pitched a shutout, as USC's touchdowns came on that fluky 75-yard screen pass and a pick-six. (Four ASU turnovers didn't help either.) If the Sun Devils' D, easily the best in the conference, can frustrate the Ducks this Saturday, maybe backup Brock Osweiler can do what Danny Sullivan couldn't and take the Devils over the hump against a quality team. Right now, their best win of the season is against Washington. Ouch.
8. UCLA 58
In the Neuheisel bowl, UCLA beat Washington 24-23 in Pasadena. Key stats included five UCLA turnovers, four rules infractions, a three-year NCAA suspension and $26,000 in Calcutta earnings. UCLA's Kevin Prince was knocked out in the second half, but Kevin "Arts and" Craft didn't miss a beat, helping the Bruins to a 371-yard passing day. Jeez, Washington, is it 1998 all over again? There are no dominant teams in this conference and no one can play defense? Whose turn is it to lose in the Rose Bowl, and where can I get good betting odds that our President will be black with the middle name Hussein in ten years' time?
9. Washington 56
For a 3-6 season, beating USC and Pac-10 leading Arizona, taking Notre Dame to overtime in South Bend and outgaining LSU by 157 in the season opener isn't a bad way to go. A win in Corvallis Saturday would set up a titanic clash with the Bears come Dec. 5 for win No. 6 and bowl eligibility for the Huskies. Jake Locker's a junior so a bowl game wouldn't be a bad way to send him out should he declare early. Then again, knowing the Huskies, that Cal clash would likely be more of a Titanic clash, with Berkley playing the part of iceberg. But hey Huskies, it's almost basketball season!
10. Washington State 6
Dear Cougars, all the red Ls on ESPN.com's display of your schedule are darn near giving me a seizure. Where should I send the bills? … The overtime come-from behind win against SMU -- that's Mighty Ducks-esque, that's stuff of legend. That every other game in this 1-8 season has been a double-digit loss – well that's reality. Thanks for boosting the records of the rest of the conference, Cougars.
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