Another Cali Sucks Edition

The Bootleg's "Expert Analyst - Guards," former lights-out shooting guard "roscoemaynard" (1984-89) offers up to the Stanford Hoops faithful his review and commentary of the Cardinal's guards following their one-sided loss at the California Golden Bears at Haas Pavilion last Saturday afternoon.

Fellow Booties, I have two confessions to make.  I did not watch the Sun Bowl live, I DVRed it and went cross country skiing.  I also didn't watch the weenie hoop game live, I DVRed it and went cross country skiing.  Now having watched both games, I am upset that apparently it is a chop block when a defensive lineman has his knees taken out by a safety, and I am flat out incredulous that we got whipped in weenieley by a weenie team led by a traitor and gollum.  Hey Mike, was the Lasik free?  What, you couldn't have ponied up for that and spared us on the right side of the bay all those years of bad faux tortiose shell rims from Lenscrafters?  O.K., that's a cheap shot.  Don't hold your breath waiting for an apology.

Ha, I got another one.  So instead of hiring Doug Oliver to flip cards, Mike hires Jay John (which is a funny way of saying "Dude, you don't look good in orange ties, but who does?) who must have told him that the weenie players couldn't read the cards so he wasn't going to hold them up anymore.  And I don't mean Max Zhang, whom I have learned from a trusted source inside Never Never Landeley actually tutors some of his teammates in English.

There, I feel a bit better.  Bad weenie jokes are cathartic.  By the way, if you are watching a cali-Stanford basketball game and you are having a "schadenfreude", because it is a German word, but in this context it involves weenies, is it more accurately a "wurstfreude" moment?  Just thinking out loud here, sort of, maybe.

If you can tell that I am avoiding talking about the guard play in the weenie game, you are smarter than your average weenie.  So, here are my comments on guard play from the cali game.  Until someone in a Cardinal uniform playing point guard sticks his nose in the fracas just 'cuz he wants some blood on his uni, just 'cuz he wants it more than the other guy, just 'cuz he wants to lead, and just 'cuz sometimes you gotta play a bit desperate to make a point, well...scoreboard.  We got whipped by guys that are better, tougher, and played harder.  It's the tougher and played harder that hurts.  Two years ago, the shoe was on the other foot.  But, this is conference time and this conference is wide open for the taking and we simply as guards need to play harder.

Let me give you an example from a fairly obvious play for everyone.  We get a defensive rebound, fire the ball to the right wing to Landry, and Boykin ( I, think) goes for the steal on the pass and flails into the student section in an act of vainglorious, hey Mom see me, hustle and Landry rolls to the rack and Zhang gets a fingernail on the ball and dunk is missed and the ball is loose heading to the top of the key and there is a moment there when Trotter, Mann, and Randle are frozen in time.  Will Mann launch his body into the void after the ball?  No, he hesitates and all is lost.  Trotter, same thing.  Randle though gets it without hesitation flying the other way for an easy broken court bucket.

Admittedly, when you are watching a game being announced by the utterly insipid Dan Belluomini and your team is down 20 most of the time, you get a little glazzy.  Maybe it's the red wine.  But, where were the bodies on the floor?  When you are playing a team that is physically better than you, more skilled, deeper and veteran, you gotta play harder and tougher than that.  My guess is that Coach Dawkins and his staff, none of whom have as bad a bald patch as Jay John, and all of whom dress better than Mike (seriously, dude has made over $20,000,000 coaching guys in tube socks, stop shopping at Men's Wearhouse or at least stop buying suits that make it look like you shop at Men's Wearhouse, Wait, come to think of it, scratch that Coach Weenie), have most assuredly spoken of this issue.

Just a thought...don't look now, but in all the piling on about the awaking of Michael Dunnigan at UO over the weekend, the truth has been hidden, and his name is Malcom Armstead.  Head up against the Husky backcourt and he handled his business.  Dunnigan doesn't matter if Armstead doesn't outplay Overton and Gaddy.  But damn that game was an eyesore.

Home sweet home against the Admitted Cheaters this Wednesday.  At SC, they spank innocent players and call it punishment for sins past.  Here in the Bay Area, we call it what it is - kinky.  Pretty soon we'll see Tim Floyd holding cue cards for Mike on the weenie sidelines.  Boys, lets bust out some Trojans and get a bit more physical this week.  Let's do some damage, damn it!


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