Q. What happened in the (insert team name) loss?
A. It is a missed block here, a play not totally executed here or there, maybe you are off by a little bit. Maybe the ball gets tipped.
Q. How does (insert opposing team) look?
A. We're going to play a very good team. They play extremely well in all areas. They're very tough. So we have to go one preparation practice day at a time.
Q. What do you think of (insert opposing team's quarterback)?
A. He throws the ball very accurately. He has a quick release. He's a good athlete.
Q. Describe (insert opposing team's) offense.
A. This is much more multiple. We saw some multiplicity last week. This is much more multiple.
Q. Talk about the improvement of your defense.
A. I would say that we're going in the right direction.
Week after week of the same dry quote, over and over again… it never ends.
Some of Pasqualoni's favorite words:
"Awfully, very" (both used twice) – Setup for another great adjective.
"Battled" – We battled and still lost. Great.
"Kids" – Used instead of ‘players.'
I'd almost rather watch grass grow at this point for the chance of something new and exciting taking place on my front lawn. Maybe there will be a genetic mutation, or the grass blade will turn blue, or my son will finally decide to mow the lawn. All of these pipe dreams are more possible than Pasqualoni changing up his act.
But there is light at the end of the tunnel. In the distance stands a much more exciting team with a coach that's never afraid to stick it to the media – men's basketball and coach Jim Boeheim.
From the maker of "who won the f---ing national championship?" brings you "this isn't fourth grade, pay attention," after a reporter foolishly asked a question that had already been asked.
Not only does the basketball team put wins on the board, but you never know what to expect from Boeheim. Boeheim's disdain for the media makes you respect him. His fearlessness to say what's on his mind makes you admire him. His ability to bring fresh quotes to post-game interviews make him more exciting than Pasqualoni will ever be – even if basketball assistant coach Mike Hopkins were ghostwriting for him.
Goodbye "multiplicity." So long "awfully, awfully." Basketball season has arrived.
HACK ATTACK: One dry quote deserves another
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