Game Of The Name

It was William Shakespeare who said: "a Rose is by any other name would still smell as sweet." But would the story of Herman and Bertha be nearly as romantic as Romeo and Juliet? The point is there are some names that just fit their subject matter while others seem oddly out of place.

What does this have to do with football, you ask? Well, nothing really, except that the same principle applies. Some names just sound perfect for the game while others simply don't fit. That doesn't mean the players with great football names can play the game or the ones with names that don't fit can't hit, but it can sometimes shape our perceptions.

With that in mind, I have compiled a list of the best names in UT football history along with a list of names that seem to conflict with the game's objective. A full 95 percent of these names are either current players, former starters or lettermen with very few obscure ringers thrown in for affect.

In the process of researching this piece, which falls into the humorous category, I compiled other categories for your reading pleasure. So without further ado let's trip down moniker lane where the name is the game. Remember all of these players are real and none of the names were changed to connect the innocent.

Top Ten Tennessee Football Names

(1) Peerless Price

(2) Charles Wildman

(3) Manley Mixon

(4) Breezy Winn

(5) Slick Shelley

(6)Toby Champion

(7) Horace Morris

(8) Victor Peppers

(9) Louis Pounders

(10) Mark Studaway

Honorable mention: Condredge Holloway, Frank Foxx, Royal Price, Gary Cannon, Carlton Gunn, Wayne Spain, Jack Armstrong, Darryl Hardy, Julian Battle.

Top Incongruous Names

(1) Paul N. Hug

(2) Bill Meek

(3) Emmon Love

(5) Mike Jester

(6) Robert Peace

(7) Cosey Coleman

(9) Curt Singer

(10) Tim Priest

(11) E.K. Christmas

(12) Tori Noel

Honorable mention: Sammy Hair, Beattie Feathers, Joe Pickle, Richmond Flowers.

All Outdoors Team

(1) Sammy Frogg

(2) Brent Beavers

(3) Bunny Orr

(4) Kelsey Finch

(5) Marcus Starling

(6) Dennis Wolfe

(7) Vernon Bass

(8) Bob Foxx

(9) Terry Bird

(10) Thomas Woods

(11) Marcus Starling

Ticket to Ride Team:

(1) Mercedes Hamilton

(2) Chester Ford

(3) Jeremy Lincoln

(4) Hilrey Carr

Size Doesn't Matter Team:

(1)Charles Small

(2) Leonard Little

(3) Terriea Smalls

(4) Bernie Sizemore

Now with a tip of the hat to ESPN's Chris Berman, I'd like to introduce some Volunteers whose names work perfectly with a little help from a crazed sports scribe.


Bernard "Stonewall" Jackson

Sean Young "And Restless"

Austin "Buck" Rogers

Spencer "For Hire" Riley a.k.a. Spencer "Life Of" Riley

Teddy "Net" Gaines

Omari "Upper" Hand

Tad "Silence Is" Golden

"Phat" Albert Haynesworth

Jarvis "Blame It On" Reado

Anthony "Closed Door" Sessions

Todd "Highway To" Helton

Bobby Graham "Cracker"

Steve "Nothing Could Be" Kiner

Phillip Crosby "Stills, Nash And Young"

Fred "No Rest For The" Weary

Jonathan Wade "Runner"

Roshaun "Good" Fellows

Jerrod "Hold The" Mayo

Sinclair "Loose" Cannon

Chuck "Tangled" Webb

Cedric "Corn" Cobb

Lee "True" North

Alvin "For Whom the Bell" Toles

Herman "Dream" Weaver

Todd "Captain" Kirk

Rico "Real" McCoy

Stan "Fox" Trot

Tommy "Wild" West

Eric "General" Westmoreland

Not So Dearly Departed:

Heath "Eggs" Benedict

Shyrone "Cash And" Carey

Onterrio "Canada" Smith

A.J. "Flat and" Suggs

Greg "P.T." Barnum

Eric "Pick A" Locke

Leon Pinky "Finger"

Best of the Basketball Vols:

Tom "Rocky And" Boerwinkle

Bill "Frontier" Justice

People and Places

Jimmy England*

Cedric Houston

Terrance Cleveland

Mark Holland

David Moon

Parys Harralson

Raymond Austin

Denver Crawford

(*Basketball team)

Well that's just a few names for your amusement as you eagerly anticipate the start of the season. We'll add to the list when the time is appropriate, which could be anytime now. Until then, remember: if you can't play a sport be a sport.

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