New Year's resolutions

My spy in the University of Tennessee athletics department recently uncovered these top-secret New Year's resolutions by various big shots:

Men's athletics director Mike Hamilton: I resolve to schedule no more November football games with Notre Dame. (The Vols are 77-7 in November since 1985, with three of the seven losses coming at the hands of the Fighting Irish).

Head football coach Phillip Fulmer: I resolve to coach no more games when both Peyton Manning and Steve Spurrier are in attendance. (Fulmer was 0-4 against Spurrier's Florida Gators during Manning's playing career and lost to Spurrier's South Carolina Gamecocks in 2005 with Manning on hand to see his jersey retired).

Head basketball coach Bruce Pearl: I resolve to keep encouraging Tennessee fans to visit Thompson-Boling Arena instead of K-mart.

Lady Vol head basketball coach Pat Summitt: I resolve to clone Candace Parker.

UT defensive coordinator John Chavis: I resolve to visit a chiropractor to see if carrying the Vol offense throughout the 2005 season strained my back.

Women's athletics director Joan Cronan: I resolve to win SEC titles in every sport … in the same year … every year.

Vol baseball coach Rod Delmonico: I resolve to win enough games that the administration will HAVE to build me a new stadium.

UT offensive coordinator David Cutcliffe: I resolve to throw to the tight end. (Yeah, we've heard that one before.)

Vol running backs coach Trooper Taylor: I resolve to shatter the world record for hang time on a leaping high-five.

Vol play-by-play man Bob Kesling: I resolve to shout "Touchdown Tennessee!" a lot more in 2006 than I did in 2005.

Defensive tackles coach Dan Brooks: I resolve to continue being the most underrated position coach in all of college football.

Quarterback Erik Ainge: I resolve to shine even brighter than my diamond-stud earrings.

Inside Tennessee Top Stories