Friday Follies

As a public service to fans and readers, we offer this wagering tip sheet for the opening game. Please be advised that gambling on college sporting events is illegal in most states. The state of Tennessee prefers you gamble on completely random things like the lottery. My mother is also on record as being against all wagering.

Odds Tennessee will win the coin toss

Even money

Odds Tennessee will defer if they win the toss

No line

Odds California will defer if they win the toss

1:4

Odds California will defer and UT will choose to kick anyway

1:2

Odds anyone will sing the National Anthem half as well as George Bitzas used to do it

1:1000

Odds Bob Kesling ends up on the DL after trying to pronounce the names of Cal players like Fahim Abd Allah, Phillip Mbakogu, Will Ta'ufo'ou, Syd'Quan Thompson and Nu'u Tafisi. (We suggest he try one of the patented Larry Munson tricks like "one of their guys tackles our guy".)

3:1

Odds the Pride of the Southland Marching Band plays the best rendition ever of Cal's fight song

5:1

Odds the Pride's drum major gets into fisticuffs with the officiating crew

50:1

Odds Coach Fulmer responds to any bad Vol play with a bout of clapping

No line

Odds Trooper Taylor injures himself on a leaping high five with a wide receiver

1:3

Odds the receiver won't be hurt because he "short arms" Trooper

3:1

Odds some group will attempt to start the wave

50:1

Odds they'll attempt the wave while the Vols are on offense

Even money

Odds that Stanley Asumnu catches a pass versus Cal

1:100

Odds Asumnu begins to dribble after he catches a pass

10:1

Odds Jim Bob Cooter plays in the game

1:10,000

Odds Jim Bob Cooter is shown on television and his name discussed by announcers

2:1

Odds that Erik Ainge will throw the first Vol pass

No line

Odds that Jonathan Crompton will attempt a pass

2:1

Odds that Bo Hardegree will throw a pass

1:100

Odds that Britton Colquitt will throw a pass

1: 1,000,000

Over/Under on number of Volunteer tailbacks who play

3

Over/under on rushing yards for Arian Foster

115

Over/under on rushing yards for Erik Ainge

-8

Over/under on number of times Rocky Top is played

73

Over/under on men who cringe at every "Wooo!"

11,000

Over/under on attendance

105,400

Over/under on TD catches by a Vol TE

(just pick under)

Over/under on number of "scores of interest" that are actually of interest

2

Over/under on Smokey Dogs consumed by my kids

8

Over under on bags of Skittles consumed by my kids

4

Over/under on completely full cups of soda dumped on nice lady in front of us

3

Over/under for which birthday I celebrate with this game

39 (pick the over)

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