"The Bench Press"

It's time. No not for Lane Kiffin, it's time for the Bench Press. A weekly column by a unique Knoxville sports personality. Go "Inside" to see what Alex Anderson of the Tony Basilio Show has come up with this week.

The Bench Press takes a slight detour in this week's edition. This website needs an injection of culture and class and that is what I intend to do.

As I was searching through ancient Vol scrolls, I came across a collection of Tennessee Haiku. Nothing says class and sophistication quite like poetry, so I will share some with you. ßsee what I did there

Haiku #1

His hair is perfect

Playcalling. Smooth, effortless.

Dooley is his name

Interpretation: This limerick appears fairly straightforward. It pays homage to our head coach's blessed follicles and compliments his offensive prowess.

Haiku #2

The man with no neck

Wins by watching the game film

And working like heck

Interpretation: The man with no neck must be a reference to Coach Phillip Fulmer. As for the rest of the poem, I have never heard him say those things so I don't know where that comes from.

Haiku #3

Berkowitz he's not

Son of Simms. His arm, a gun.

Touchdowns. Many. Fun.

Interpretation: This poem is about Matt Simms. It speaks to his laser-rocket arm, which will lead the Vols to many a scoring drive.

Haiku #4

The Ducks will fly east

They will smother. They will drown.

Like the Ducks in Gulf

Interpretation: This poem discusses the upcoming game with Oregon. It appears to take a cheap shot at BP as well.

Haiku #5

Bama pays players

Always have and Always will

Probation. It looms

Interpretation: This is very cryptic. I have no idea what it means.

I hope you have enjoyed Vol Haiku and this week's Bench Press. Until next time, stay classy Vol fans.

EDITOR'S NOTE: These aren't the thoughts or policies of InsideTennessee.com and are the thoughts of the author only.


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