Conner's Burnt Orange Glasses: TCU

I like having sex with my wife. No. Really. I'm not kidding. There's no punch line or joke. I really, really like having sex with my wife.

"But doesn't it get old," some of you are thinking, "making love to the same woman over and over?" "Doesn't it become boring and predictable?" "Wouldn't it be more exciting if you were with other women?"

Don't confuse passion with excitement. It's exciting when you wake up at 3:00 a.m. to find an incoherent, crazed meth junkie burglarizing your house while you're half-asleep, scrambling to locate shells for the shotgun while the wife frantically calls 911. That doesn't mean it's something I actually want to do.

At least on any kind of regular basis.

When I was a kid, I took a buddy of mine with us to the farm (Dad and I were weekend cowboys), and I dared him to pee on the electric cattle fence. Sparks literally flew. Needless to say, that was very exciting, at least until he recovered enough to kick my butt.

But, once again, it's not something I want to do as regularly as I want to have sex.

If excitement is what you crave, there are easier, more socially acceptable ways to find it than cheating on your wife with Good Time Rowena on the well-worn carpet in the back of her rusted out '71 El Camino after she's been letting half the bikers in the bar do Jose Cuervo shots off her ta-ta's. As a civil attorney, I can tell you that paying two decades of child support to some skank you barely know is definitely not exciting. But my brother-in-law the medical doctor tells me that the length of time you'll pay child support is short compared to the length of time you'll have herpes, and telling all your future partners about Rowena's sexual proclivities doesn't sound all that exciting, either.

As I said, there's a huge difference between excitement and passion. Knowing a woman up close and personal for years can create a deep, irreplaceable connection. That intimate knowledge can lead to intimacy and satisfaction that can't be confused with common horniness or animalistic rutting. Like sticking body parts in an electric wall socket, excitement is very brief. But passion can last a lifetime, and can turn even the most mundane, routine romp in bed into something genuinely satisfying.

Like whipping the Horn Frogs.

I actually have respect for T.C.U., so I decided before beginning this rant to avoid cheap jokes like references to cockroaches, "horney toads," Methodists, or "T.C.Who?" As a small, private, religious-affiliated former Southwest Conference school, the Froggers seem to have done more with their small-conference lemons than Baylor has with their Big XII lemonade. An airplane flew over the stadium before the game with a banner imploring: "Go Frogs! Destroy the Whorns and the B.C.S. Cartel!" I can't say I approve of the Aggie spelling of "Horns," but part of me always wants to root for the underdog, and I hate the Bowl Championship Series in ways my vocabulary is inadequate to convey. The David versus Goliath slant T.C.U. puts on everything is not without its charms, and the populist in me wants even the little guys to get a fair shot at the gold ring.

All of which makes it even more satisfying to send those nattily-dressed purple people eaters back to Cowtown with a whoopin'. Texas not only beat an old rival, we bitch-slapped a team with an outstanding defense who had this game circled on their calendar for the better part of a year.

Most folks dissecting the game have discussed the Jekyll and Hyde differences between the first and second halves, and claimed the contest was closer than the score indicated. I respectfully disagree on both counts.

Personally, I think the differences between the first and second halves were a minor matter of degree. The defense played well in the first half, limiting the Frogs to around 120 yards of total offense. There were a few blown assignments, sure, but for the first time since last year's O.U. game, my beloved, mighty, fighting Texas Longhorns acted like they were ready to hit somebody in a different colored uniform. The Texas defense finally looked … What's the word I'm looking for? … nasty. None of that changed from the first half to the last, excepting T.C.U.'s final two drives late in the game when the score was out of reach and our intensity naturally lagged. And I don't care if you're playing the Frogs or Alabama Pentecostal Bible College for the Blind and Left-Handed, anytime you keep the other team's offense out of the end zone, the defense has more than done it's job.

Same thing with the offense. Yes, there were no points and two interceptions in the first half. But that doesn't mean we played horribly. Both interceptions were fortuitous on T.C.U.'s part, that is to say, both of Colt's picked-off passes were correct reads and decent throws where Frogs happened to be in the right place at the right time. We missed a fairly long field goal, the refs put together an unbelievable string of penalties (including several bizarre offensive pass interference calls), and Coach Davis called Colt's number on some misguided type of QB scramble, but we outgained T.C.U. at halftime, and kept their defense on the field too long.

Please be cautious not to judge our first half offensive production by points alone. As a great philosopher C.S. Lewis once noted in "The Screwtape Letters," "The justice of Hell is purely realistic, and concerned only with results." As another great philosopher, Mack Brown, once noted, "Long drives in the second quarter are points in the fourth quarter." In other words, look at the final score before you decide Greg Davis was Slingblade in the first half and Einstein in the second.

Two other points need mentioning: first, the good people in the south end zone need to stop chanting "Texas Fight" during the playing of the other school's alma mater. Leave that rude, boorish behavior to people like the Colorado Buffaloes. Simply stated, I'll say – We're better than that.

Second, I don't know if it happened throughout the stadium, but the folks in Section 101 (southwest end zone where the opposing team enters and exits) stood and clapped for the Horned Frogs as they left the field. Of course, it's easy to be gracious when you win handily, but it was still the classy and correct thing to do. T.C.U. played hard and didn't back down from big, bad Texas, and they deserved our respect.

Knowing Horns as well as I do, many will still find room for raging discontent despite coming from behind to beat a nationally ranked opponent. "T.C.U.'s offense wasn't any good." "We couldn't have beaten O.U. today, wasting the entire first half." "Colt still doesn't look like his old self." "The running game didn't do anything until the fourth quarter."

All you Sally McSunshines need to lighten up. Just like making love to your wife, learn to find the joy in things, even when they don't perfectly match your expectations. Remember the difference between excitement and passion. Because this week, the first half was all about excitement.

But the second half was all about passion.

And passion wins every time.

Hook ‘em.

Jeff Conner's political and pop culture-infused Longhorn commentary appears regularly in the Inside Texas magazine and at InsideTexas.com.

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