Smile for the Jumbotron

Last night I was lying in bed, trying to fall asleep. "What prevented this?" you might ask. Maybe it was those mysterious bed bugs that began biting. Well, sorry to disappoint, but that's not it. Instead, it was incredibly hot in my room. Even the usually reliable other side of the pillow could give you second degree burns. Chalking myself up for minimal sleep, my mind began to wander…

Needless to say, the Commodores aren't quite as hot right now as I was last evening. I just heard Kobe Bryant on television speaking about another one of his ridiculous point totals. He said it was "like I was playing Playstation or something." Sweet man. I'm happy for you having an absurd amount of basketball talent, but don't give away your secrets. After watching Vanderbilt fight to stay in games and hearing the coach claim that "there's a lid on the bucket," I just wish I could witness someone taking the metaphorical joysticks in Memorial and lighting it up. It will come. One day.

Speaking of Memorial, being the segue expert I am, how about those jumbotron cams? I understand that in today's society advertising is prevalent. But is it really necessary to introduce large amounts of awkwardness to the fans? The kiss cam has an uncanny ability to find those two people who, though they sit next to each other, have never spoken a word to each other, and now we ask them to lock lips on camera on four 20-foot television screens. There's a recipe for the beginning of a successful relationship. Then there's the flex cam. It's all well and good as long as the cameras are on the 8-year-old boys who love to show off their rippling upper arm bones. I, being the college-aged student I am, make it a point to look at neither the camera men nor the jumbotron. This way, in case I am on camera, I have an excuse to not flex. People watching the flex cam simply think, "Oh well, he doesn't see himself on the screen." That's right: I have a game plan for the media timeouts. You won't convince me a college student can look "cool" flexing on the jumbotron, and we all know that's what life is about. Yeah, there's the ticket, social conformity.

Shifting gears, my Jay Cutler bobblehead sits up on the shelf with the glare off of his huge white teeth lighting my room. Vanderbilt's name is all over the sports networks across the country thanks to Mr. Cutler. This is exciting stuff. He will be one of only two quarterbacks playing on Sunday night. One of last year's Super Bowl teams. Snow expected. Shaun Alexander had 200 yards last week and, according to himself, was just warming up. All these factors can't phase a legendary face of Commodore football. Hopefully Jay will play well enough to come out next week with a few anchors stuck on his Broncos helmet.

Finally, on a completely unrelated note, are you looking for a Christmas present? Yes, you are. We all are. Anyone who isn't is an overachiever. Allow me if you will to make a suggestion. How about a compact disc? Yes, I know, you have probably moved on to mp3s, but you and I both know, you can take a cd and get mp3s from it, so don't give me that excuse. Anyway, visit ahouseformykids.com and take a close look. If putting websites in this article is illegal, then visit ‘a house for my kids . com' – Just take out the spaces. I heard this man talk and it's pretty powerful stuff. It's just a thought. We're not killing birds with stones, but if we were this would nab at least 2 of them.

Happy Jay Cutler weekend! ¡Feliz Jay Cutler el fin de semana!


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