Roll, Tide, Roll!

YES, DISCRETION IS the better part of valor, but like our beloved "Saint" Mike, we've cast that notion aside and taken a ribald look at the people, proboscises and predilictions wrapped up in what most certainly will go down as one of the great scandals in college football history.

Mike Price's Season of Destiny Buzz Board
Is that an up arrow in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?

Mike Price

Old Buzz: Saint Mike.

New Buzz: Grandpa's got a boner!

Destiny: Now that he's kissed $10 mil away, Mike can look forward to public service announcements on the dangers of overdosing on Viagra and opening up Couer d'Alene's first Hooter's franchise. And who knows? If you install a video poker machine, maybe Bill Bennett will drop by.

"Destiny"

Old Buzz: Can't wait to see the centerfold.

New Buzz: Proof positive Mike needs to get the prescription checked on his beer goggles.

Destiny: Enjoys 15 minutes of fame and celebrity boxing match against Paula Jones.

Mal Moore

Bad enough that he hired both Franchione and Price. But Mike's strong endorsement of the Bama AD on Saturday surely will be the nail in his coffin. For his sake, Bill Curry and Ray Perkins better think twice about offering up any kind words about him.

Jim Livengood

Old Buzz: Smooth-talking, crushed-velour-wearing AD.

New Buzz: Ardent supporter of the man he wants to hire after dumping Mackovic at season's end.

Destiny: Back to school after saying Price was the best hire Bama made in the last 100 years. Last we heard, 1958 -- the year Bear Bryant became Tide head coach -- was a mere 45 years ago.

Mac Bledsoe

Old Buzz: Highly regarded prep coach and Drew's dad.

New Buzz: Good friend to Mike, but lousy defense attorney. Waking up with all your clothes on is certainly less scandalous, Mac, but it's not going to win a coach any Brownie points with the president.

Destiny: Consultations with Johnnie Cochran. "If the brassier don't fit, you got to acquit."

Joe Namath

Old Buzz: Truly a legend in his own time, being hand-picked from the stable of famous ex-Bama players to walk Mike Price into the press conference to be introduced as Bama's new head man.

New Buzz: That nose looks very familiar. Either Broadway Joe and Destiny Stahl were separated at birth or Joe's nylon-wearing incident from 1970 has turned into a bizarre new vocation. Come to think of it, have you actually ever seen Joe and Destiny in the same room at the same time?

Keith Jackson

Old Buzz: The venerable Voice of College Football.

New Buzz: A veritable Nostradamus. Back in December, upon Mike's move to Tuscaloosa, KJ called it a mistake, saying "Alabama is in a black hole. It bothers me a lot. I'm very fond of Mike. I just hope he doesn't get his heart broken."

Auburn alum

Old Buzz: Bitter Bama rivals.

New Buzz: The plot thickens ... did they manage to slip Mike a mickey?

George O'Leary

Old Buzz: Disgraceful that he fibbed on his resume. The Fighting Irish had no choice but to sack him.

New Buzz: You know, he's looking pretty tame in retrospect. Mal Moore would probably love to have him on board right about now.

Houndstooth
G-strings

Lingerie stores throughout the Southeast Conference are devasted by Mike's firing. Think of the sales they would have enjoyed every time the Tide rolled into town.

Bear Bryant

RIP

Old buzz: Dead.

New buzz: Dead.

Destiny: Dead.

Bill Doba

Old buzz: He's no Mike Price.

New buzz: He's no Mike Price!

Destiny: Inspires the greatest Cougfan.com t-shirt of all time ... Yabba Doba Doo!


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