CF.C Pac-12 Power Rankings: Week Five

COUGAR FANS PROBABLY aren't aware of it because WSU's academic schedule is so different from their neighbors to the south. But beginning today Oregon must deal with a new and significant challenge to their goal of winning football games and making the new NCAA four-team playoff.

1. Oregon (1)
Classes finally started Monday at Oregon, leading an exasperated Mark Helfrich coming off a bye week to complain: “Just what kind of young men are we building here at Oregon? Are we building great football players… or good college students and good citizens? It’s outrageous after only four games to take away football time and replace it with class time. Just outrageous.”

2. UCLA (6)
The Bruins gave up 626 yards and still beat ASU 62-27. Ultra-sensitive coach Jim Mora bristled at the notion his defense gave up too many yards, saying UCLA fans and alumni (who donate to help pay his salary) are just dumb and don't understand defense - only the coaches on the field can possibly grasp the concept. On Monday, MENSA will begin a one-week marathon session to detail all the non-football things Mora doesn’t know, starting with how to spell the word cat.

3. Southern Cal (5)
USC beating Oregon State 35-10 at home shouldn’t impress anyone all that much. The Beavers are wretchedly thin on the offensive line and USC entered the fourth quarter up only 21-10. You want to impress me, Steve? Do something hard. For you, that might be going through an entire day without lying. Or how about not publicly making a spectacle out of one of your players for lying, given your shining example of said. Now that would impress me.

4. Stanford (2)
Stanford did everything to try and lose the game against UW except rub blue axle grease on their palms and Jazzercize between plays. I don’t want to say David Shaw didn’t have his Cardinal players prepared, but he was overly preoccupied the entire practice week with showing everyone his embossed invite to Clooney’s wedding.

5. Arizona (4)
During Arizona’s bye week, Michigan made a backchannel overture to Rich Rodriguez: ‘All is forgiven, we realize now Brady Hoke went to Sugar Bowl in first year with your players. So come on home, okay? Mama is calling you home. Please. Please come home. Will you come home? Why won’t you come home?!’

6. Arizona State (3)
After losing to UCLA 62-27, and seeing Michigan’s Hoke delay taking out his injured QB and later sending him back in to hand off when his No. 2 got injured, ASU coach Todd Graham tasks ASU engineering department to fashion special cart for this Saturday that would allow injured QB Taylor Kelly to roll out onto the field against USC.

7. Washington State (10)
The Cougs’ comeback win in Salt Lake City continues to cause major ripples across the Utah football landscape. Early Monday morning, Utah coach Kyle Whittingham deactivated Crazy Lady for 1-3 weeks after she injured a hip in unsuccessful, desperate effort to will Utah to victory in the fourth quarter of Cougs’ 28-27 triumph.

8. Cal (9)
In the most entertaining game of the weekend, Cal’s Bear Raid offense prevailed over Colorado 59-56 for their first Pac-12 win since October 13, 2012. Cal announced after the game their defense will now go by the nickname of Gentle Koala .

9. Utah (7)
Ute fans abandoned their Travis Wilson for Heisman campaign after only one week, turning their attention elsewhere. The Mountain West Commissioners office fielded over 1,500 calls Saturday night demanding Utah’s reentry back into their former conference home.

10. Washington (11)
I know, I know. I moved UW up a spot after that vomitus offensive performance in the 20-13 loss to Stanford… the defense deserved it. Forget about the poorly conceived fake punt and QB Cyler Miles’ 98 passing yards just 179 yards of total offense. Instead, just look at how UW chose to pass on third-and-one on their first series. Somewhere, in that great Poulsbo RV in the sky, Don James slowly weeps.

11. Oregon State (8)
The Beavs were so horrid on offense against USC, they make Chris Petersen’s Husky offense look like the Fun 'n' Gun.

12. Colorado (12)
Colorado (2-3) is better. They’re improving. They probably deserve not to be down at No. 12. But they’re still too focused on moral victories. @ColBuffShop prematurely tweeted in the fourth quarter that all Colorado-branded salad shooters were now 75 percent off with the win over Cal. They later tweeted: Sorry everyone, we just got a little bit too excited. Our mistake is your win. The salad shooter sale is still on.

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