CF.C Pac-12 Power Rankings: Week Six

KEEP YOUR chins up, Cougar fans. All Wazzu needs to get back on the winning track at Stanford is a little housecleaning done in and around Colfax by an exorcist. Meanwhile, Arizona wasn't rated in either poll last week before making a huge jump following the win over Oregon. The 'Cats made a similarly-sized leap in this week's power rankings.

previous week's rankings in parenthesis

1. Arizona (5)
Fans sometimes decry a new coach’s success his first couple of years, insisting he won with the previous coach’s players. Michigan fans have turned that sentiment on its head after Arizona’s 31-24 win over No. 2 Oregon. “Arizona’s players are not very good, they're winning with our coach,” said an enraged UM booster.

2. Oregon (1)
After the Ducks lost 31-24 to Arizona, Chip Kelly advised Mark Helfrich to implement Oregon's Ol' Willie. "Here's what you do," the text read. "Penalizing Tony Jones for bowing infringes upon his religious rights. Load some video clips of TJ wearing a robe and doing good works around Eugene while saying 'Namaste' and bowing to anyone and everyone. And then just back date those suckers." Chip Kelly 100, NCAA 0.

3. UCLA (2)
In the postgame press conference after UCLA lost to Utah, 30-28, “Sunny" Jim Mora became upset when a reporter dared ask him to opine about the 10 sacks the Bruins surrendered. Fittingly, Mora asked everyone to clear out and go into the hallway for 5 minutes. Mora then declared himself the smartest man in the room.

4. Stanford (4)
During a 30-second timeout in the fourth quarter of Stanford’s 17-14 last-minute loss to Notre Dame, Cardinal coach David Shaw took a few moments away from the task at hand to sketch out the cure for Ebola on his grease board. “Just wait until you see what I’m doing with mad cow,” Shaw said Tuesday.

5. Arizona State (6)
Todd Graham thinks a lot of the Hali Mary pass that gave ASU a 38-34 win over USC as time expired. He had some blueprints detailing the play's intricacies mailed to the Secret Service with a note: “Scheme against this for the next time a guy runs up the lawn to the White House and you’ll be golden. Just trying to help. I'm a giver. That's what I do.”

6. Cal (8)
QB Jared Goff called the WSU missed field goal compensation for the Bears’ Hail Mary loss to Arizona. “It’s kind of like the football gods are in our favor right now,” he said. So apparently the football Anti-Christ and his minions are sitting around a landfill in Colfax laughing their asses off right now.

7. Southern Cal (3)
USC lost to Arizona State 38-34 on a 46-yard Hali Mary as time expired. Steve Sarkisian said he’d hate to call it "luck" but then proceeded to do exactly that, terming it an “awkward” pass and questioning if the ball was thrown where ASU intended. USC alum Barbara Hedges swiftly came to Sarkisian’s defense: “Steve has always been forthcoming. That is to his credit."

8. Washington State (7)
Spotted late Saturday night skulking around outside the new Football Ops Building was none other than Dick Tomey. Flashing a knowing smile, Tomey walked back and forth in front of the new facilities jewel holding a sign that read: “I’m tanned, rested and ready / Not just about D, have extensive special teams background / 76 is the new 46.”

9. Utah (9)
Backup Kendal Thompson led the Utes to a 30-28 upset over No. 8 UCLA. He threw for just 95 yards but rushed for 83 hashes. Only 10 percent of Utah students live on campus but that didn't deter Ute super-fans Jimmy McPolygamy and The Dancing Lady from kicking off Thompson's Heisman campaign by slow dancing to Endless Love in front of Utah's health sciences complex, where they were promptly hosed down by a dude calling himself The Prophet.

10. Oregon State (11)
Mike Riley made an interesting point about the Pac-12 this season after his Beavs beat Colorado 36-30 on the road. "You shouldn't try to compare scores week to week," said Riley. "It's a matter of who plays best that day. There shouldn't even be favorites or point spreads anymore. They don't mean much." Las Vegas immediately asked if Riley could be moved to the top of the FBI's Most Wanted List.

11. Washington (10)
During the Huskies’ bye week, Chris “Pete” Petersen ran a motion-capture, side-by-side simulation of QB Cyler Myles’ throwing motion vs. an 81-year-old man trapped in a phone booth fighting a snake. It was determined the man in the phone booth displayed a better arm angle and quicker release. The man is now rated four stars on Scout.com.

12. Colorado (12)
An enraged Mike MacIntyre challenged the officials to a 60-yard dash after the OSU loss. But the refs were jogging and Colorado's coach was doing some kind of Speedwalking-By-Richard-Simmons thing so the refs easily pulled away. Pac-12 Commissioner Larry Scott, facing criticism over a phalanx of dubious calls and non-reviews this week, said he remains just as committed to officiating transparency as he was in 2009. "But I really have to get my Benz washed right now, so no more questions," said Scott.


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