Folks are starting to call you unWillingham. What's this I hear about you not granting Bob Robertson a pre-game taped interview?!?! Do you realize that in all the years he's been broadcasting Cougar football, only one other coach has refused an interview with The Bob. That was former USC coach Larry Smith. Remember Larry Smith? Of course you don't, no one does—that's my point!
Who stood by your side during that rough 5-6 campaign in 2000? Who held your hand, metaphorically speaking, during those 3 straight losses to San Jose State? Who screamed, "Stand by Smiley!" from the rooftops of Palo Alto during that dismal 3-8 campaign in 1998?!? These are rhetorical questions, but I'll answer anyway: I DID!
As my mom always told me each year before I went to summer camp: "Don't forget to wear clean underwear and remember where you came from." Well, Mr. Smiley, I don't know about your undies, but I think someone clearly has forgotten from whence he came!
The Crimson Seer
P.S. Now my picks:
OREGON STATE at FRESNO STATE
How tough is the crowd at Fresno State's Bulldog Stadium? So tough they're required to pass through security metal detectors…as they're leaving the stadium.
WASHINGTON STATE at NOTRE DAME
Yes, I'm well aware of the standard Irish legends like Rockne, the Four Horseman, and The Gipper, but I search through the entire Notre Dame media guide and am shocked—SHOCKED—to find not one stinking word about The Hunchback!!! You don't see WSU burying Ryan Leaf!
ARIZONA v LSU
Let's see, Tigers face perennial powerhouse Louisiana Monroe one week, the Mild Macs of Arizona the next…who says college football doesn't have a preseason.
ARIZONA STATE v NORTHERN ARIZONA
Proof that dreams do come true: With this almost certain victory over the NAU Lumberjacks, Dick Koetter will have already fulfilled the promise he made to Scum Devil boosters to transform ASU into the "Nebraska of Arizona."
PICK: SUN DEVILS
CALIFORNIA v COLORADO STATE
Honestly, this may be the most entertaining match-up all weekend, destined to be an offensive Shootout in Strawberry Canyon the likes of which haven't been seen since Berkeley hosted the 1978 Hackysack championship game. Shame no one will see it.
OREGON v NEVADA
Add this to the "things that make me scratch my head list": Oregon "The House that Joey Built" Duck timeshare QB Jason Fife is on the Johnny Unitas Golden Arm Award watch list?!?! Think they might've meant Jon Kitna Award.
STANFORD v SAN JOSE STATE
I'm wondering if Robber Baron's coach Lil' Buddy Teevens knows the way to San Jose. Let's just hope--for Stunford's sake--he didn't ask Smiley for directions.
SOUTHERN CAL v BYU
I don't like the Toejams. I don't like the Youngsters, either. Instead, I think I'll just watch the Britney Spears-Madonna video again.
WASHINGTON v INDIANA
My solemn pledge to those gridiron warriors of Indiana (I could've sworn I heard they discontinued their football program after WWII): Defeat the Mutts and I shall have a Hoosier tattooed on my buttock!
UCLA at COLORADO
Tell me it was all just a bad dream…tell me I'll still see that beautiful pear-shaped profile on the sidelines…tell me I'll continue to see rosters of High School All-Americans coached into mediocrity (and/or in front of a judge)…tell me, PLEASE, tell me Bob Toledo is still coaching UCLA!!!
LAST WEEK: 6 - 1