Saturday with Stoph

SORRY, MY SEAHAWK Stadium friends, there is NOTHING like a home football game in Martin Stadium...brings chills up my spine watching the beloved Cougs take the field. Allow me some digressions on my glorious Saturday in and around that slice o' Heaven we call "The Palouse."

Loved the pregame video announcing Butch's arrival. Hats off to whoever put that together - very creative. Hope they do something like that for every game.

 

To the four girls seated next to me who had the neck rub rotation/seat shifting thing going on (2 girls on the top row gave backrubs to the girls on the row below) – next time ask the folks around you if they want in on the deal too…heck, better than Match.com, I think.

 

Someday, I hope I'm on a Codger Pole somewhere.

 

Why is it that the traffic cops always stop MY car and let folks cross the street?

 

Does the Dancing Football have a name?

 

People - if someone is sitting in your seats, ask them to leave. Do not move into my seats and make me ask you to leave. Not cool.

I miss the Mic Men like Cameron Dime and Bob Hampe.

 

Is Butch's drill instructor available to be my personal trainier?  Can he take a 198-pound weakling and mold him into a lean 205-pound weakling?

 

Strategically, next season I am going to angle for Seat #12 – any section – right in the middle.  Equi-distant positioning should allow me to utilize superior peripheral vision on both aisles at the same time and not miss any ‘action' walking up the stairs… or is walking down the stairs better?

 

How come I lost the auto-focus binoculars in the divorce settlement?  Shouldn't I have at least got one ocular in a community property state?

 

If Matt and Sarah ever break up, I get right of first refusal.

 

Note No. 2 to the four girls next to me – if you don't include me next time, at least point me in the direction of the closest cold shower, ok?  Not fair to torment an old guy rubbing one another like that.

 

There's not much better than seeing kids with the Cougar logo tattooed on their faces.

 

Sunny weather seems to have a proportionate effect on girls wearing tight t-shirts. Must make a note to verify validity of this relationship.

 

How come I sound like Glenn Johnson for two days after each home game? 

 

Unless, of course, it's the Cougar logo tattooed near co-eds' plunging necklines

 

This year's Butch looks like a pretty big dude - tall at least. And way to kick the tar out of those other mascots in the cone race.  I had the A&W Bear to show.

 

There is no doubt that the current version of Butch will beat the tar out of every mascot in the league – he's the Will Derting of costumed characters.

 

Bonus points for the first one to complete this slogan:  Got all the symptoms of Husky Fever?…. (Hint: It includes the words "Cougar-owned".)

 

Has anyone ever thought about selling Shriner fezes with the Cougar logo at the Bookie?  Hey – who'd have ever thought those goofy berets from the Olympics would become a fashion statement?  Love to see Samuel L. Jackson trying to look cool with that kind of lid on.

 

Is the Shriner's inflated guy related to Dancing Football? Has anyone ever seen them together at the same time? Coincidence, I think not.

Why would anyone wear something other than Crimson to a Coug game? However, the 75+-year-old lady wearing a mini-skirt and crimson panty hose - that may have thrown me back into therapy for a few more months.

Not to make light of the Shriners – a little bird told me that they chartered a bus from Spokane. $15 all-you-can-eat, all-you-can-drink.  No wonder that inflatable guy had such rubber legs and needed to be helped around the field. 

 

I'm thinking the Crimson jerseys with the White pants might make a pretty sharp uniform – Crud, can't be any worse than the hi-liters in Eugene…or the green and yellow combo they had on yesterday….or the black ones from the billboards…or those wussy white ones.  Queer Eye for the Duck Guy going on down there, for sure.

 

Speaking of entrance songs in Martin, does Mike Bellotti enter Autzen accompanied by some 70's Shaft/Porn music? 

 

Someday, I'd like to be a ‘Tee Kid" and run out after the kickoff.  OK, maybe sort of jog at a reasonable pace for health reasons.

 

Wasn't Belotti on ‘Starsky & Hutch"?  Or was it  "Beretta"?

 

Hope everyone felt much safer having their bottle caps taken away. I know that has always been a real concern for me.

How can anyone not like Jim Walden on the radio? Funny, knowledgeable, personality, complete homer…. has he been taking lessons from Paul Sorensen?

According to current NCAA rules interpretation, it is permissible to run 20 yards downfield, imitating an airplane after a quarterback sack but tapping one's heart twice and point to heaven is punishable with a 15-yard penalty.  Shame on you, referees.  Next home game, honor Devaughn in your seats after Devard's first catch by tapping your heart twice and pointing to the sky.

 

Maybe I'm a big softy (no, not Dave Mahler) but does anybody else tear up when the Cougs take the field accompanied by the fight song?  How come I get goose bumps on a 70-degree day?

 

If anybody really wants to know, I saw Jeremey Williams wrapped up in his little blue blanket shortly after birth.  He's changed a little since then…and I hope he doesn't read this and hunt me down like an opposing quarterback.

 

I'm thinking it would be a great gesture by the athletic department to let me sit in one of the luxury boxes next game so that I can extol the benefits to all the potential corporate sponsors reading this website.

 

Would it be too much to ask for a couple TV's out at the concession stands?  I mean, c'mon, if you're gonna charge me $5 bucks for a drink and pretzel, at least let me see Another Cougar First Down!

 

To the lady in front of me...it's a freaking football game! Take your Tommy Jeans jacket and wrap it around your ears if you don't like hearing people scream. Sometimes people will jump up and cheer - even on occasion will drop a 'damn' or 'hell'...it's ok, your kid is not going to be scarred for life. (No F bombs uttered).

Dance squad - black shoes are a fashion mistake. Mr. Blackwell does not approve

 

Dudes who painted their entire bodies crimson and wore spikes on their shoulders, nice effort.  Raider Fan has nothing on you guys. 

 

I think I've fully recovered from the humiliation of the season when the band could only spell out "WS" due to the lack of numbers – nice recruiting and use of gray shirts there, Don Hower.  Now ditch the "Tributes To (fill-in-name-of-really-old movie)" halftime shows and you guys will rule!

 

Somebody actually asked us to sit down during halftime yesterday in order to watch the band.  And that's another Cougar First.

 

Is there any more appropriate sound effect for WSU than Homer's woo-hoo? Uhmm...beer.

Did I really see something about a breathalyzer station at the game while watching the news or would it have been advisable to utilize one last night?  Can't remember.

 

Rumor has it that the Mike formerly known as "Saint" was holding court in the foyer at halftime.   Not sure if those surrounding him were royalty, loyal subjects or court-jesters.

 

Gas is $1.57 per gallon in Plummer, Idaho if anyone is interested.  Smokes and chew are reasonable as well…a friend told me that in case my parents read this.  Seriously.

 

I believe there may have been as many cars at the Coeur d'Alene casino as in Lots A, B and General Parking in Pullman.

 

I really wanted to turn at the St. Marie's highway sign and see if I could find Walden's house on the lake.

 

Word has it Cher's Diner in Garfield sets down a good post game plate.

 

Post-game event - Miss California was a hottie - too bad she had no discernable talent. The swimsuit portion should count for more than 10%.

How does a woman from Elk, WA end up being Miss California?  With abs like that, guess the Californians waived the residency requirement.  Whew.  Double whew. I'd vote for her in the recall election.

 

So, Boise State lost on a controversial call running their record against Pac10 schools to a steller oh-fer-ever, Wunderkind Dirk K. is exposed as a wannabe genius, the guy at Kay's Terriyaki on 29th gave me ALL the food he was trying to get rid of before closing and only charged me for my order, the Cougs won, the crowd was tremendous and I made it home in time to watch swimsuit competition.  Nice – now that's how to get good word-of-mouth for Cougar Football Saturday.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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