OREGON at UTAH STATE
After Lord of all Ducks, QB Broadway Joey Harrington "accidentally" tossed a couple of pre-game warm-up passes into the USC band last weekend, I put up one of those Joey Heisman billboards in my front yard.
UCLA at OREGON STATE
Tabloids out of La-la land report romantic link between Bruin bigboy Bob "Elastic pants" Toledo and Jenny Craig. Unfortunately, recent sightings of the coach reveal the relationship is not going well.
Oregon State assistant coach Eric "Yardbird" Yarber accused of obstructing police investigation into his son on a weapons charge by allegedly disposing of the gun into a river…sounds like just another OSU recruiting trip to me.
WASHINGTON STATE at ARIZONA
Not wanting a repeat of last season's triple overtime match-up, feline foes agree to "paper, rock, scissors" showdown should the game be tied at end of regulation.
SAN JOSE STATE at ARIZONA STATE
Newcomer Devil coach Dirk "Bag" Koetter, anxious to get first ever win against a Pac-10 opponent, distraught upon learning Spartans aren't members of the conference.
Pick: SUN DEVILS
WASHINGTON at CALIFORNIA
Tired of getting flack for his mild half-game suspension of TE Jerramy Stevens, Montlake millionaire Ricky "The Fish" Neuhiesal announces he's reevaluated the situation and plans on suspending Citizen Stevens for an additional six to 8 weeks.
Someday, Yellow Bear coach Tommy "Can You Hear Me?" Holmoe will look back at his daze—er, days—at the Berk and laugh…but mostly he'll just cry.
STANFORD at SOUTHERN CAL
I've been thinking: the only thing keeping Tyrone Willingham from achieving the legendary status enjoyed by former Farm coaches Pop Warner and Tiny Thornhill is a catchy nickname. So from this day forward, I dub the stoic Stanford coach "Smiley Willingham." Pop, Tiny, and Smiley…I'm getting goose bumps!
Smog Central Athletic Deity Michael "Mike" Garrett complains about advantage Oregon gained by fans using "thunder-sticks" last weekend. If only he could blame excessive noise for his hiring of a washed up NFL coach.