ARIZONA STATE at WASHINGTON STATE
I realize WSU has a wonderful Hotel and Restaurant program, but must admit I am more than a bit surprised by the enthusiastic interest over the Paris Hilton video on the Cougfan.com message board. That must be some hotel.
Sure, preseason expectations have crumbled for the She Devils. There will be no conference championship and no Heisman trophy for ASU. But one shining fact has been overlooked by most this season: Not once—NOT ONCE, I say—has a Dick Koetter hair fallen out of place.
WASHINGTON at CALIFORNIA
Why has this become a match-up of Biblical proportions? Well, Moby Gilbertson is the prodigal coach returning home to Strawberry Canyon and there certainly will be a fatted (purple) cow slaughtered there on Saturday.
Pick: GOLDEN BEARS
OREGON at UCLA
This just in: Sources reveal why UCLA selected whippersnapper Karl Snorell as head coach over other candidates who—how can I put this delicately—had experience (and a pulse). Turns out he won a Junior Bruin coloring contest.
The real reason the power went out at Autzen Stadium last Saturday: Several of the Duck "defenders" forgot to turn their curling irons off.
STANFORD at OREGON STATE
Dear Coach Teevens: Please accept my apology for criticizing you this season. I knew you don't like to be called "Eugene" and yet I did it anyway. I was wrong. Your Master Plan for Success has now been realized in the form of a Cardinal TWO game winning streak (that's some sort of school record, right?). Please reserve me a spot on the Buddy Ball Believer Bandwagon. It's going to be one helluva ride!
From the Crimson Seer Record Book watchlist: King of all Beavos Mike Riley is just one victory away from posting his first winning season as a head coach since guiding the San Antonio Riders of the WLAF to a 7-3 record in 1992! Congratulations on hoodwinking the world of football for over a decade, Coach!
SOUTHERN CAL at ARIZONA
A friend of mine has fostered a lifelong hatred of Southern Cal. After visiting Smog Central earlier this month, he returned with this declaration: "I wouldn't piss on a Trojan fan if his hair was on fire!" While I, too, find the Toejams a distasteful lot, such intense hatred is not my style. In fact, I would piss on a USC fan, aflame or not.
Yes, I've frequented a Gentleman's Club in the past. Yes, I may or may not have yelled "Touchdown, Washington State!" in a hotel room with one or two "dancers" (I don't remember, I was loaded) after the aforementioned visit. Yes, I've been wronged by Sports Illustrated (my copy of the swimsuit edition arrived late last year!). And, yes, Alabama never really gave me a chance (I was banned from their message board after just three posts). In short, I would like to publicly announce my candidacy for the Arizona head-coaching job!
LAST WEEK: 1-3
COMING NEXT WEEK: The end of an era is upon us as The Seer hangs up his crystal ball after submitting his final installment of Pac-10 Picks.