OREGON at CALIFORNIA
Broadway Joey Harrington proudly acknowledges his preseason pick of Wazzu as Pac-10 "Dark Horses," but denies ever choosing Cal as conference "Blind Mice."
Sure, it appears the Barely Breathing Bears are headed for their fifth losing campaign under Superbowl-ring-wearing coach Tommy "Can you see me " Holmoe, but, as Strawberry Shortcake Chancellor Robert "Robert" Berdahl is quick to point out, he's the only Div-I head coach with a zoology degree!
ARIZONA at OREGON STATE
John "I woke up in Tucson" Mackovic inspires beleaguered Vile Cat squad with stories from his rich legacy of football memories: handing the ball off to Brian Piccolo at Wake Forest…coaching the Texas Longhorns and KC Chiefs…interviewing for the Husky head coaching job with Babs Hedges...
Water Rat back Ken "Inchworm" Simonton rushes for 26 yards against Bruins and 19 against Wazzu…no worries, a few 400 yard games should get him right back into the Heisman race.
WASHINGTON at UCLA
Booin back DeShaun "Look at me" Foster told there is no "i" in "team," and responds, "Since when?"
From the "rest of the quote" department: After ably subbing for injured starting Dog QB, Cowboy Cody Pickett, Taylor "Dane" Barton declares, "I didn't come here to be a backup…I came here for more of Mrs. Neuheisal's tasty brownies!"
ARIZONA STATE at SOUTHERN CAL
From the "stranger than fiction" department: Solar Satan coach Dirt Koetter irate upon being penalized twice last weekend due to fans throwing tortillas on the field, asking "What's up with that?! Can someone please explain that to me?!" Apparently he's unaware of the edible Frisbee fad sweeping the campus.
Troy coach Peter "Pete" Carroll reflects on coaching in both the professional and collegiate level: "the players are overpaid, pampered prima donnas and the salary cap is just a bear to work around…and it's even worse in the NFL." Ba-da-dum!
WASHINGTON STATE at STANFORD
Last weekend's Cougar-Beavo game in a nutshell: The wind blew from the southwest, the Cougs blew a huge lead, Jason Gesser blew chunks.
Well aware of the heightened sensitivity surrounding the use of military terms during football broadcasts, thoughtful Cardinal safety Tank Williams changes name to Hank... senior, not junior.
Last week: 4-0