A note from The Seer: my wife, Mrs. Crimson Seer, read these picks and questioned if it was wise to alienate my loyal Duck readers. "Maybe not," I replied. "But this weekend my Broadway Joey Harrington wallpaper comes down, because a Mystic's gotta do what a Mystic's gotta do!"
Cougar coach St. Mike Price wants Martin Stadium to be as loud and inhospitable as Autzen Stadium this weekend. Problem, though: it's been difficult finding 35,000 parolees on such short notice.
Duck tight (fisted) end Justin "Banana" Peelle describes "loss" to the Cardinal as "heartbreaking, because they didn't beat us." When pressed, Peelle as unable to explain just how Stanford was credited with the victory.
UCLA (6-0, 3-0) at STANFORD (4-1,3-1)
Stanford QB Randy "the Glass" Fasani out four to six weeks with the following ailment (choose one): dehydration / knee sprain / impacted molar / sackphobia / acid reflux / Lewisectomy.
Sure, the "Blizzard of Westwood" moniker hung on the Bruin defense is lame-o, but it certainly beats last year's "Toledo's Mosquitoes" nickname.
CALIFORNIA (0-6,0-4) at OREGON STATE (2-4, 1-3)
Beavos file restraining order against Sports Illustrated; must win four out of remaining five games to be bowl-eligible.
Aluminum Bears file restraining order against winning; must smoke a good deal of marijuana to become bowl-eligible.
SOUTHERN CAL (2-5,1-3) at ARIZONA (3-4,0-4)
It's finally official: Southern Gal's famed "Heritage Hall" renamed "Value Village."
Remember, back in the day, when Arizero headman John Mackovic was highly regarded in both college and professional coaching circles? Nah, I don't either.
WASHINGTON (5-1,3-1) at ARIZONA STATE (4-2,1-2)
Rodeo clown-cum-Dawg QB Cowboy Cody Pickett named Pac-10 offensive player of the week despite tossing four interceptions against limp-wristed Zona secondary?! What next? Tom Holmoe named Coach of the Year?
If Partly-Sunny Devils get a bowl invite, will freshman coach Dirt Koetter declare ASU the "Nebraska of the Pac-10?"
Pick: Sun Devils
Last week: 3-3 (I don't wanna talk about it.)
Season: 31-7 (Should get me 30 seconds on Gameday!)