99 reasons the Dawgs give us gas

REPUBLISHED FROM 2001: All we did was ask the question: "Why do the Dawgs give you gas?" Your response was overwhelming. If you ever wondered why the Dawgs are so "dawg"-gone obnoxious, you won't wonder any more after you read this list.

• Woof bumper stickers.

• Don James Poulsbo RV commercials.

• Macing their own.

• Hazing sheep.

• Husky Stadium's butt-numbing seats.

• Ted Bundy.

• Lame excuses about playing in snow.

• Mistakenly believing the prestige of the law and medical schools extends to the rest of the institution.

• Prostituting Hec Ed for Seafirst cash.

• Thinking "Helloooooo, Dawg fans" is cool.

• Campus pigeons the size of geese.

• Don't know the difference between soft white and hard red.

• That float plane and cookies-from-the-Mrs thing that Slick Rick does with recruits.

• Husky Stadium's McKinleyesque climb to the upper deck.

• Pesky questions about "Where's the cracker museum?" when stopping for gas in Ritzville.

• Brock Adams.

• John Carlson.

• Still insisting Chuck Nelson's '82 miss was a bad call.

• The Band.

• Thinking Tequila is cool.

• Slick Rick's guitar.

• Insufferable alums.

• Hangers-On (i.e. fanatical fans who didn't even attend the school).

• Obnoxious students.

• PLU and UPS grads who bleed purple and gold.

• Fickle fans.

• Al Burleson.

• Spider Gaines.

• The UW Daily.

• Thinking "I Brake for All Animals Except Cougars" bumper stickers are cool.

• The Montlake Bridge.

• Greg "My Foray Into Broadcasting Was As Bad As My Try At Pro Ball" Lewis.

• Hugh "I Just Can't Stop Talking About My Storied Career As A Third-String NFL QB" Millen.

• Sycophant-like Seattle media.

• Howdy Doody (he looks like Slick Rick).

• Thinking Rainier is a mountain rather than a beer.

• Rob Weller.

• Obnoxious fans.

• The Wave.

• Goofy new uniforms.

• Booing Warren Moon in '75.

• Changing helmets from gold to purple.

• Dick Baird.

• Thinking Washtucna is a sexually transmitted disease.

• The Seattle Yacht Club (patrician misogynists -- what a combo!).

• Jim Lambright's penchant for wearing shirts unbuttoned to mid chest.

• Slick Rick's feigned ignorance of the recruiting rule book.

• Jim Lambright's hallway tirade on Shane Fortney and dad.

• Mike Lude's yellow sportcoat.

• Barbara Hedges' yellow pantsuit.

• Don James' yellow sansabelt slacks.

• Jim Lambright's unbuttoned purple Izod.

• Slick Rick's sweater vests

• Rain.

• Steve Pool.

• More rain.

• Thinking Colfax is a telecommunications device.

• Rhode Island (the effective size of the land mass that sits between the field and stands at Husky Stadium).

• Jim Lambright dumping on Bill Diedrick.

• Chris Gobrecht dumping on Laurie Merlino.

• Mike Lude dumping on Marv Harshman.

• Bill Gerberding dumping on Mike Lude.

• Slick Rick dumping on that poor verbal commitment from Denver.

• Don "You Can't Lose Your Starting Job to Injury" James dumping on Mark Brunell.

• Jim Owens dumping on Denny Fitzpatrick.

• Thinking Rosalia is a type of microbrew.

• Not knowing what to do on the Bovill Run if given the opportunity.

• Turning Laurelhurst into a Greek Row for Graduates.

• Billy Joe Hobert.

• Damon Huard's hair.

• Drum Major's hat.

• Bob Rondeau's hair.

• Bob Bender's blue and gold rep tie.

• Bob Bender's salary (he can't afford more than one tie).

• Blue and gold rep ties.

• Gift TD in '50 Apple Cup so Heinrich could bogusly break national completion record.

• Actually believing they had a shot at the national title in '97.

• Arrogance.

• Liking Leno more than Letterman.

• Liking Jerry more than Oprah.

• Liking Jean more than Kathi.

• Red Square . . . Just where do their allegiances lie?

• A $25 million budget.

• Failing to realize that any bandwagon jumper can leave the house at 10:00 and be home by 5:00.

• Whiners who repeatedly call KJR.

• Thinking Bob Rondeau's not a homer.

• Thinking John Owen wasn't a homer.

• Forcing Paul Allen and the rest of the citizenry to pay for a brand new stadium for the Seahawks instead of sharing taxpayer-owned Husky Stadium.

• Cougs educate farmers who feed the world, Dawgs educate lawyers who . . well, this is family website, but you get the idea.

• Alums who live in Spokane and complain about the Review relegating Dawg game coverage to page C12.

• Alums who live in Seattle and complain about the Times devoting only four full pages to Dawg game coverage.

• Refusing to change Apple Cup start times to accommodate TV.

• Thinking Neidermeyer was the protagonist in Animal House.

• Not knowing that the real Dick's burger joint is in downtown Spokane, not Wallingford.

• Thinking it's cool that they call University Way "The Ave."

• Norm Dicks' insistence on mentioning at every public appearance that he played for the Dawgs.

• Norm Dicks' insistence on mentioning at every public appearance that he played for the Dawgs in the Rose Bowl.

• Norm Dicks' insistence on mentioning at every public appearance that his interception with 55 seconds left sealed the Huskies 1962 Apple Cup win.

• Their fight song? Bow down to this!

• Because it's spelled d-o-g.


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