WASHINGTON STATE (9-1, 6-1) at WASHINGTON (7-2, 5-2)
Seeking to motivate downtrodden troops following severe Beaver beating, Husky coaches tell team that playing in the Seattle Bowl would be "like kissing your sister." That image grosses out a few of the Husky players, intrigues some of the others, and hits way too close to home for the rest.
Detailed x-rays reveal Cougar QB Jason "Bolas de Acero" Gesser has been playing without ribs since the Oregon State game. Slide, damn you, slide!
THE BIG GAME:
CALIFORNIA (0-9, 0-7) at STANFORD (6-2, 5-2)
Before you send me any more emails, yes, I'll admit it: I did in fact see Lionel "Ty" Willingham actually smile last weekend following the Cardinal win over the Childcats. I haven't felt this betrayed since learning those weren't Pamela Anderson's originals!
Folding Bears vow that, should they win "the Game Formerly Known as Big," they will hoist dearly departing coach Tom "Z-Row" Holmoe upon their shoulders and triumphantly carry him off the field…and out of the stadium…into an awaiting car…out to the airport…and onto a plane.
THE VICTORY BELL:
UCLA (6-3,3-3) at SOUTHERN CAL (5-5,4-3)
A glimpse at DeFord Foster's to-do list: gas up the extra-benefit; wash the extra-benefit; take the extra-benefit in for a tune up, cruise for chicks in the extra-benefit; drive by Bruisen practice in the extra-benefit and honk at former teammates.
My nominees for Toejam defensive player of the year: 1. QB Carson "I really am good" Palmer: made several key tackles following interceptions and fumbles. 2. Coach Peter "Pete" Carroll: has steadfastly defended his suspect play calling all season. 3. The car saleswoman/USC loyalist who ratted out DeFord to the NCAA.
THE BIG SKY JAR:
NORTHERN ARIZONA (Who knows?) at OREGON STATE (4-5,3-4)
Open letter to Denny Erickson:
I'm sorry about the way I treated you when you left WSU for Miami…I apologize for the crank phone calls…I feel remorseful for yelling obscenities at you in SeaTac that day...I'm heavy hearted over the broken window at your Pullman home (I didn't throw the rock, but I may have been driving the car, depending on how long the statute for malicious mischief is)…I'm embarrassed I heckled your son during high-school football games…I never really thought your wife was fat, I was just having a bad day…I'm sorry I ordered you another round, then called the State Patrol with the make, model, and license plate number of your car.
Good luck against the NAU Lumbe