Ramble On! Pac-10 Picks,<br> Week Three

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I am humbled. The Cougs lost, I had a losing record this week, and I lost all $122 from Toshiba Fund II. You know what the worst thing is? Carrying the torch for the Pac10 is UCLA and Stanford…ugh! But never fear, gang, I'd rather be funny than right. And since that's not working either, I may have to write MY retirement column soon!

PS: Thanks Beavs, you lost to freaking Boise…I curse the lot of you! May Hawkins call fake punts on you for decades!

I had this great joke lined up about the last time they sold Trojan gear in Provo, but my athletic department will likely issue an apology on my behalf if I tell it….Trojans

The Cubbies come rumbling in to America's ugliest boating destination fresh off a win over the mighty Illini (the birth of Buddy Teevens' career), but this year they must do battle without the mighty "Twin Balls", lost to the NFL. But never fear Baby Blues, your annual rout of the Lavenders is prime time to find a new nickname that will make me giggle. Side note: following Evan Knutson's lead, Husky fans are claiming they've come down with mono so they won't have to show up for the game. Please Dawgs, even I know you have to kiss someone to get that! Bruins

UO/OU: The rare "palindrome game". Since Florida State and Southern Florida don't play each other, I believe it may be the only one this season. In honor of UO/OU being the only palindrome game of the year, I have come up with one for my readers. Snwodhcuot ruof tsael ta yb esol lliw nogero!!!! Boomer Sooner

Anthony Davis, the Badgers star running back will miss this game. You have to think this is a double bonus for the Wildcats. Not only do they duck one of America's best players, they get extra practice stopping a team with no running game to prepare for the Cougs next week. But what Mike hasn't realized yet is that you have to score in the Pac 10 to win any games. Come celebrate with the Wildcats as Mike Bell plays his 500th college game! Badgers

That's one hell of a box you opened last Friday, Pandora. I can't even look at you now, I'm so ashamed. You bark-rats are dead to me. Lobos

Anybody else getting sick and tired of hurricanes? Apparently there's yet another one coming after this Ivan guy is finished. (Side note: keep a tally of who pronounces this hurricane like "Ivan the Terrible" or "Ivan Rodriguez." You'll love the results) But you know who I feel REALLY sorry for? Anyone affected by a hurricane after these ten in a row are finished. Nobody's going to care anymore. It's like if your buddy called you up today to tell you he had SARS. Two years ago, the Rolling Stones and the Dave Matthews Band were having concerts in his honor. Now he gets condensed soup and Paul Harvey. Dear Mother Nature: Stop making hurricanes on football weekends or I will buy the most pollutant SUV on the market. Thanks, Sherwood.

The Hawkeyes fly two timezones to Sun Dirkle stadium upon hearing Andrew Walter tell ESPN "I know I'm better than everyone else," and they've gotta be pretty puzzled. Iowa's punter scored more points than Walter did when these two met last year. Hawkeyes

Yes, we're playing a road game at Martin Stadium…You have to wonder if Idaho's linebacker is in the middle of the locker room screaming "We must protect this house!!!" Look for the road-warrior Coug fans to keep themselves entertained in this blowout by throwing sawed-off Dasani bottles, hoping to pop that giant mascot thing (yeah, YOU come up with a better description of it). Cougars

The school has issued another public apology for the band's "Salute to bye-weeks" where a trombone player, dressed as our boy Eugene Francis, throws a fit after losing four Candy Land games in a row…. Apparently our favorite coach had a traumatic childhood experience getting lost in the Lollipop Woods with Princess Frostine.

Last Week: 4-5
Season Total: 11-6

Well, we ran out of money last week after I hit the golden sombrero on my four games, so I figured I'd take a week off to answer some e-mails I've been getting. Here goes:

Dear Rambler,
What's your take on our quarterback situation? Swogger or Brink?
-Jeff, Spokane

Well Jeff, the look on Swogger's face when he was taken out of the game was certainly one I've seen before. It's the same look my friends gave me when I told them that Mac and Cheese is great mixed with a bit of mayonnaise. The look isn't absolute horror, but damn near close. Mostly just shock… You're what?!? You're putting what in there?!? Hey, some people like weird things, and as I can tell you from a couple hours after eating the Mac and Mayo, sometimes those weird things backfire. This week, I hope we just stick to the milk, butter and cheese powder.

Dear Rambler,
Are you going to the game on Saturday?
-Chris, Pullman

With bells on, Chris…with bells on.

Have a question or comment? Need a stock tip? Can't find a date for your High School Reunion (or better yet, your prom?) Hit up the mailbag at ramble_on@comcast.net

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