Ramble On! Pac-10 Picks, Week Five

WELL, WE DID IT! We persevered though some tough weeks, but it turns out we finally let the powers that be in the college football world know who decides the winners and the losers in the Pac-10! But I'm not about to get all high and mighty for going 5-0 last week.

No, my work here is not complete. All I ask is that you build an altar worthy of someone of my stature (even if that ends up being a matchbook and a sleeping bag).

So what did we learn last week? Buddy wasn't napping during his bye week and gave the Trojans a scare. Mike Stoops proved he is not worth the hype given to him. Hell, Stoops isn't worth the hype given to ME (and that's not a lot, Mikey). The Huskies have literally proven that their starting quarterback wouldn't be third string at WSU, and Derek Anderson apparently still likes to throw the ball to the other team.

And to my Notre Dame readers: Thank you. Not for beating the Huskies, but for organizing your first three touchdown plays during the commercials of the Coug game. That was mighty classy of you.

WASHINGTON at STANFORD
The coach on the hottest seat in the conference welcomes the coach with the widest seat in the conference. There are few things more pathetic than a Husky fan who proclaims Carl Bonnell went to UW so he could play at a better football school. The guy in your office that still recites Austin Powers lines is among them. (Seriously, who says "Yeah, baby!" anymore?) Anyway, a team with no passing offense plays the Pac10's best rushing defense. You do the math. Trees

SAN DIEGO STATE at UCLA Correct me if I'm wrong, but after this weekend, the Huskies may be the first Pac-10 team to both lose to a WAC team at home AND lose to a team that lost to a WAC team at home (all in the first four weeks of the season). San Diego's defense calls itself "The Dark Side." Early indications show that Drew Olson will be spending most of the game landing on his moon. Aztecs

ARIZONA STATE at OREGON
Oregon wants to be the next Washington so badly, it's getting quite depressing. Now it seems they want to have the highest legal bills, so they're bringing in ringer-criminals from the Midwest. Whatever gives you bragging rights, Swooshes…. Dirkles continues his quest for his first ever Northwest Championship bringing his team to hippy country this week without Hakim Hill and Randy Hill in their backfield. Shouldn't matter, Walter should be able to pick through the lollipop guild in the secondary most of the afternoon. Shouldn't be as monumental as say, 55-16, but it could be up there. Sun Dirkles

CALIFORNIA at OREGON STATE
47 Hurricanes and a 6.0 earthquake later, we finally hear again from the Cal Bears. No. 10 in the country? I love Godford as much as the next guy, but we still don't know enough about them. Beavs, I have the "my girlfriend's mad at me, but still wants to work things out" speech memorized, as I've heard it more times than you can possibly imagine; here it is, modified for relevant issues: "I'm still pretty sore at you for losing to the Broncos, but deep in my heart, I know you can change. I mean, you do have some good qualities that maybe only you and I know about, but it breaks my heart to bail you out over and over again. So please. For me. Win this game." Of course, no matter how many times I've heard that speech, I've never learned how to change, and neither perhaps do the Beavs. But what can I say? I'm a sucker for black and orange! I'm calling the upset! Beavers

WASHINGTON STATE, SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA, ARIZONA at BYE
The Cougs take precautionary measures all week teaching their linebackers to force fumbles from quarterbacks taking a knee. You know, they may end up having to run that play if they ever face a team with a real coach. Southern Cal takes the week off, as Pete Carroll has a Presidential Debate on Thursday, and Arizona's players lobby for the return of John Mackovic…..

LAST WEEK: 5-0
SEASON TOTAL: 21-8

UNCLE WOOD'S FUNTIME GAMBLING GRAB BAG!!!
The mailbag takes a hiatus this week to spark up the betting lines. Anyway, I knew I was doomed to spend another $100 on Toshiba Fund II when the best letter I got was from my dad upset that I would make fun of Western. And somehow a representative from the Church of Scientology got my cell phone number. That was fabulous as well. But keep sending in your letters, along with our new contest: "Pick Loren Langley's new nickname!"

Coming off my 5-0 week, I'm thinking I may be a little luckier this week with picks like:

Week 5 ($100)
Kansas (+13) over Nebraska: $25
Purdue (-2 ½) over Notre Dame: $25
Georgia (-3) over LSU: $25
BYU (+3) over Colorado St: $25

Have a question or comment? Need a stock tip? Can't find a date for your High School Reunion (or better yet, your prom?) Hit up the mailbag at ramble_on@comcast.net

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