Ramble On! Pac-10 Picks, Week Nine

TWO WEEKS: Two blowouts. Man, am I spent. As one of the 26 Cougs who stayed for the second half of USC's exhibition last weekend, I take heart in knowing I can now find 25 people as dumb as me. Braving the 20-degree temp in the rain when your team is down five touchdowns borders on insanity, and can often spark hallucinations. My favorite line from last weekend came after WSU's mixed extra point. The kid behind me said something to the effect of "Wow! That may cost us the game later!"

While I'm sure he was kidding, he touched on the part of all 26 of us who believed we were coming back. Two plays later, Pat Bennett's taking a pick to the house and the same guy behind me is yelling "OVER-RATED!!! OVER-RATED!!!" Which goes to show you one of the greatest things about being a Coug: Win or lose, you'll always have that drunk guy four rows back to keep you entertained.

I would also like to use this forum to announce my candidacy for the University of Washington head coach position. What I lack in qualifications, I can over-compensate with the scandal I could produce! Give me the keys and I'll make the old Southwest Conference look like Vanderbilt…

OREGON at CALIFORNIA
How late in the year does it have to be before we can marvel over how Jeff Tedford has done the impossible? Up until a couple weekends ago, the most amazing thing I'd ever seen or heard of was my buddy who received 2 MIP's and a Breaking-and-Entry all within the same 24 hour period. But after watching Tedford turn Cal into an unstoppable force, that weekend "COPS" should have been in Pullman takes a seat at number two. But until Tedford can down a half rack in a half-hour and give you a head-butt that will make you see through time, it will remain very clear to me which one I should fear more. Bears

WASHINGTON STATE at UCLA
The Cougs are going to the Rose Bowl!!!! In a related story about how the karma gods really have it out for me: the Cougs' bowl chances are going to become dashed on the same week moviemakers announced freaking Puff Daddy might be the next James Bond. His work on those Vote or Die commercials must have been what sealed the deal. Anyway, searching for SOME sort of reason that the Cougs might come through on Saturday, something occurred to me. Cougs. Own. UCLA. Why stop now? Keeping things loyal, we go with the Cougs

ARIZONA at WASHINGTON
Keith Gilbertson comes into this game for the first time this season as lame duck. He also comes into this game for the first time this season as the smarter coach in the matchup. Does Ortege Jenkins still have any eligibility left? I bet he'd "flip" over the opportunity to play in Husky Stadium again….wow, you can tell it's November when I start cracking jokes like that. Keep your eyes on UW for the rest of the year, as Gilby has all the potential this month to turn into Dante "I'm not even supposed to be here today" from Clerks. If it happens, I want to be around when Isaiah Stanback tries to steal a Gatorade. Huskies

STANFORD at ARIZONA STATE
For the same reason that Saturday Night Live is probably pretty happy that Bush won the election on Tuesday, I get giddy at the potential conversation these two head coaches could have during their post game handshake. The topics ranging from dwarf-lords to hair wax could turn this meeting of the minds into more of an attraction than the actual game. However, it will most likely not even happen: While Dirk's busy running up the score, look for Buddy to head home early to check for more new footage of the Star Wars Episode III trailers that have been running through the Net lately… Sun Dirkles

SOUTHERN CAL at OREGON STATE
Kind of sad, but do you know what made me more upset that the Trojans blowing us out in Pullman last weekend? Somebody told the condoms where the secret bathrooms were in the fieldhouse. This has been a time-honored tradition that while the visitors wait in the ridiculously long lines, we sneak past to the bathrooms only Cougs know about. If in a couple weeks I'm waiting behind Huskies, heads are going to roll. Speaking of rolling, how about the Trojans? The last time USC lost, nobody had heard of Ken Jennings. SC shouldn't have a problem coasting in this game, which is good or bad, depending on how you look at it. Of course, we don't like the Trojans winning each and every week, but their constant scoring will mean we won't have to hear that stupid chainsaw on third downs. SC wins big. Trojans

Last week: 3-2
Season Total: 33-17

UNCLE WOOD'S FUNTIME GAMBLING GRAB-BAG
Well, scratch what I said about college kids fighting for their fired coach. While the Gators and the Zooker didn't win the game, they did get within seven at the end and gave me a push on the day. I went 2-1-1 on the week, putting Toshiba Fund III at $250 for the year. We try to double it again with picks like:

Toshiba Fund III Week 6 ($252)
Wisconsin (-6) over Minnesota: $63
Oklahoma St (moneyline) over Texas: $63
Air Force (-4) over Army: $63
Nebraska (-5) over Iowa St: $63

Have a question or comment? Need a stock tip? Can't find a date for your High School Reunion (or better yet, your prom?) Hit up the mailbag at ramble_on@comcast.net

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