Ramble On! Pac-10 Picks: Week Four

I DON'T CARE what anyone says, Buddy Teevens is still clearly pulling the strings at Stanford. The Cardinal's loss to perennial power Unicorn Davis was one of a number of missteps that drove Ramble On! to a .500 record last weekend and to desperately seek solace in an ice cold glass of Merlot. Okay, fine. Several ice cold glasses of Merlot.

The Pac-10 needs to get rid of that underachieving Washington program and bring in New Mexico State. Madness? Hardly. The Pac-10 is facing a serious coaching identity crisis with newsmakers like Neuheisel, Mackovic, Toledo and more all departing in recent years. Sure, Mike Stoops is a train wreck waiting to happen but new blood like Tyrone Willingham, Karl Dorrell and Walt Harris have all the personality of a brick of cheese. Enter New Mexico State and their 0-3 record. Former coach Tony Samuel was fired after a 5-6 season but more importantly, he was once reprimanded after allegedly punching the video coordinator twice in the face. New coach Hal Mumme comes to New Mexico State after resigning a few years ago amidst recruiting allegations that landed Kentucky on three years probation. Now THAT'S what I'm talking about. And I miss you, Rick. You complete me. Oh, right. Take the over. I don't care what it's set at. Cal

You didn't hear it from me but sources tell me Dick Baird was in South Bend this past week adorned in his Recruiting Violation Jesus disguise and pilfered Irish playbooks for both offense AND defense. Take that, Charlie Weis and the rest of you Catholic thugs. I asked the head coach at Washington for comment a number of times but he kept responding in the same low toned drivel on how I wasn't allowed to be there during practice. Whatever, Ty. Like the hopscotch drills the defensive linemen do for 25 minutes after the reporters leave are such a big huge secret. Still, I suppose Tyrone Willingham knows what's best for Tyrone Willingham. And that's for Tyrone Willingham not to talk about what's best for Tyrone Willingham. Not even in the third person. Irish

Why in the name of all that is Good and Holy did Bellotti ever shave off the moustache. Why, dammit. Why. It was the source of all your power, Mike. Hell, even Herman Ho-Ching and Onterrio Smith could figure that one out. Not much has gone right for the Waterfowl since he eschewed the 70s adult film star look for the early 80s helmet hair B-movie actor guise, and all the Aqua Velva in Eugene won't help him this week when the Southern Gals come to town. Maybe someone from Southern Cal's staff could get him O.J.'s fake beard or something. O.J. takes in a Southern Cal practice and hobnobs with the Trojans every now and then so it shouldn't be too much trouble. Southern Cal

Supermarkets from the Northwest to the Desert are in turmoil this week with a record number of Fill 'yer hand showdowns reported among grocery clerks. You're either a potato salad or tortilla man and this dairy case ain't big enough for both of us. Oh, I know all about the Reser Stadium advantage and that Arizona State has some injuries but come on, ASU is only a 6 1/2 point favorite? No matter how much pre-game preparation Dirk Koetter devotes to his hair in a futile attempt to knock Pete Clairol from his perch as Prettiest Pac-10 head coach, the Sun Devils still can't lose this one. Sun Dirkles


Last Week: 5-5
Season Total: 18-9

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