So why did the Husky cross the road?

BE ARMED. BE READY. Yes, Cougfans, even when they have but two victories to their credit, Husky partisans are still insufferable. That's why it's always nice to have a true Dawg tale in your back pocket just in case. So here you go: A compendium of Apple Cup jokes sure tickle the ol' funny bone.

When Huskies divorce, can they still call each other brother and sister?

Why don't Huskies like making Kool-Aid?
Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little envelope.

How many Huskies does it take to change a tire?
Two. One to hold the wine spritzers and one to call dad.

Why shouldn't Huskies take coffee breaks?
They're too hard to retrain.

What do you call nine Huskies standing in a circle?
A dope ring.

What did the Husky say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
"Oh look! Donut seeds!"

Why do Huskies have TGIF on their shirts?
This Goes In front.

Hear about the Husky that got an AM radio?
It took him a month to realize he could play it at night.

Why don't Huskies eat bananas?
They can't find the zipper.

What happens when a Husky gets Alzheimers disease?
Her IQ goes up!

What do you call a basement full of Huskies?
A whine cellar.

What do you call a Husky in an institution of higher learning?
A visitor.

What do you do when a Husky throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.

A HUSKY BOUGHT TWO HORSES, and could never remember which was which. A neighbor suggested that he trim the tail of one horse. That worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush, "trimming" it exactly like the other horse's. The neighbor then suggested that the Huksy notch the ear of one horse. And that worked fine until the other horse caught its ear on a barbed wire fence. So once again, the Husky couldn't tell them apart. The neighbor then suggested he measure the horses for height. When he did, he was very pleased to find that the brown horse was 2 inches taller than the white one.

A HUSKY CALLED 911 TO REPORT A FIRE. The operator transferred the call to the fire department. The fireman said, "Where is the fire?" The Husky answered, "In my house." Again the fireman asked, "No, where IS the fire?"

"Oh, it is in my kitchen!" he responded.

"I mean," said the fireman, "How do we get to your house?"

To this the Husky replied, "Well DUH! In your big red truck!"

A RUSSIAN, AN AMERICAN AND A HUSKY WERE TALKING ONE DAY. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "So, we were the first on the Moon!" The Husky said, "So what! We're going to be first on the Sun!"

The Russian and American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the Sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.

To which the Husky replied, "We're not stupid! You know. We're going at night."

Top 10 reasons to befriend a Husky MBA candidate:
1. They'll give you "cuts" in the unemployment line.
2. They'll let you know who the best Public Defenders are.
3. They'll put a good swirl on your Slurpee.
4. They can tell a real "dealer" from an undercover cop.
5. They can get you a car -- real cheap, real fast, and no questions asked.
6. They'll teach you how to pass a urine test.
7. They can get your new car a paint job -- real cheap, real fast, and no questions asked.
8.They'll be glad to Supersize it if you ask.
9.You'll meet lots of new friends singing "Bow Down" together in the prison shower.
10. They'll hold both the pickles and the onions if you ask.

The Mortician's Tale: Very cheeky, and lots of hot air
A Seattle area mortician had a new apprentice who was learning the embalming ropes. He walked into the embalming room where a cadaver was lying on the table. Thinking he knew enough now to begin the procedure without his boss, he began examining the body.

He rolled it over and to his amazement, there was a cork in its rear-end. Mystified, he pulled it out, and immediately heard the University of Washington fight song come out the cadaver's butt.

Startled by what had happened, he shoved the cork back into the cadaver and ran up the stairs to find his mentor.

"Sir, you've got to come down and help me! I've just seen something I can't believe," he cried. Annoyed by the naivete of his assistant, he followed him downstairs. "There! Look at the cork in the ass of that body", said the assistant. "I couldn't imagine what it was doing there so I pulled it out. Please, you do it."

The mortician was a bit surprised to see the cork, too, so he walked to the table and removed the cork. Once again, the University of Washington fight song started playing.

Exasperated, he replaced the cork in its appointed position, turned to his assistant and said: What's so surprising about that? I've heard thousands of assholes sing that song.

Cougfan Top Stories