Ramble On! Pac-10 picks Week Five

MY MAILBAG was filled to the brim with absolute gems from my favorite Husky fans this week. "Your worst nightmares have just been realized: Washington is awesome again," came from Dave in Auburn. Jake in Shoreline reminded me; "All you Cougs kept saying we'd get destroyed by UCLA and we just keep you fools looking stupid."

First of all, if you check the article from last week, I picked the Huskies as the lesser of two evils at the World's Ugliest Boating Destination, and yes, I do understand that patty-cake is best played in purple rather than baby blue. But in no way, shape or form will I allow you to pollute my inbox using a game where the Dawgs gain 52 yards rushing and allow four turnovers as the benchmark for "Awesome". Ohio State is awesome. Pearl Jam is awesome. My friend Court's mustache is awesome. UW is not awesome.

And while we're at it, did I see Smilin' Ty get doused in Gatorade for his one-game Pac-10 winning streak? Winning a game at home against a marginal quarterback playing in his first ever road game has now caused Dawg fans to set the bar even lower for themselves. The IT department at work (filled with Husky fans) have all bought championship rings to commemorate the servers going one day without crashing and two of the administrative assistants sprayed each other with champagne for getting their expense reports turned in on time.

Husky fans, please take note: These events are not causes for celebration. You still have a long, long ways to go before respect is earned. Watch The Godfather II this weekend to grasp a sense of achievement. Or I can e-mail you a picture of Court's mustache.

The Ducks spent their bye week rehabbing their injured players, getting the stains out of their uniforms and re-applying the Vaseline to the replay cameras. Dirk Koetter came back by plane to Tempe on Saturday night, kicked of his shoes, poured himself a glass of wine, put on his Patsy Cline records, lit some candles, held a picture of Sam Keller and just wept. Uncontrollably.
Pick: Ducks

Following the game last week, Beaver coach Mike Riley bounced back from that Boise loss. "We played a lot more soundly against Idaho," said Riley. Following the Cal game this week, Riley will be quoted again. "We played a lot more soundly against Idaho."
Pick: Bears

So is Dwayne Jarrett really hurt or is he just staying home to find a new place to live? After a couple seasons worth of failed fake punts, onside kicks and halfback passes, the Cougs are starting to look like the Coyote in the Road Runner cartoons looking for inventive ways to getting ahead. Don't be surprised this week if there are giant rubber bands blocking the end zone and third downs are played with Acme exploding footballs.
Pick: Trojans

The worst thing about Washington winning last week and Arizona playing USC close is that it postpones my "Ty Willingham and Mike Stoops move in together" reality show idea. How has this not happened yet? Wouldn't the country rather watch what happens when Ty tries to give a lecture about Mike talking on the phone too loudly when he's trying to sleep? What about watching Mike trying to rip phone books in half when Ty leaves the bean dip out overnight? That has to be a million times more entertaining than this game.
Pick: Ave-Shackers

After his five sack performance against the Trees last week, Karl Dorrell placed a call to Bill Doba inquiring about the availability of Mkristo Bruce slipping on a Bruin uniform. Doba agreed to a one-week trade of Bruce for Ben Olson….to play for USC.
Pick: Baby Bears

Last Week: 5-0
Year to Date 25-6

Well, I finally broke my 2-2 streak last week….by going 1-3. Sure I can go undefeated in the picks, but when they count, I'm choking more than Drew Tate in the rain last week. I am happy about the new law in Washington making online gambling a felony. Without it I wouldn't have learned from my bookie valuable life-lessons like how bootleg DVDs are just as good as seeing a movie in the theater and the easiest way to slip a house-arrest ankle bracelet. This week, I rebound with picks like:

Week 5 ($100)
New Mexico (+14) over Air Force: $25
Baylor (+2) over Kansas State $25
Oregon (+1) over Arizona State $25
Standford (+24) over UCLA $25

Drive safely to Pullman, be loud, and as always: thanks for reading! Have a question or comment? Need a stock tip? Can't find a date for your High School Reunion (or better yet, your prom?) Hit up the mailbag at ramble_on@comcast.net

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