Ramble On! Pac-10 picks Week Six

NO MORAL VICTORIES. Yet it's so hard to be upset about last weekend. QB had a great game. Kicker too, & only one reverse on the goal line. Maybe the 30K Space Pajamas Russell provided will suffice. So you couldn't give our linemen a nickel's worth of Velcro to keep their shoes on in the fourth? Don't mean to start a controversy but if that shoe stays on and the Cougs don't burn a timeout, they win

I don't have a cleverer name than Sneakergate, but I'm sure you guys will think of something. In the meantime, I'll think of a way to blame this all on Dirk Koetter.

So what did we learn last week? The Purples have a better record than the Cougs for the first time in nearly six years and have been talking trash like there's no tomorrow. As of tomorrow, they'll have the same record again. That laughing sound you hear being carried in on the wind is coming from Sam Keller's Nebraska dorm room, and the rapid heartbeat comes from down south where Mike Riley was told by King Beandip himself that he may not be fit to roam the Snacktray Stadium sidelines if he keeps up the losing. You know I've already written 39 Mike Price/Beaver jokes for next season, right?

Now Husky fans, I know those Starter Jackets and Zubaz pants from 1991 are fitting great, but I must warn you: This week is the last safe week to get off the bandwagon. Sure, a loss against the No. 2 team is expected and everyone will chalk it up as a speed bump, but heed my words — the damn thing's going to fall apart by the middle of the month. Sure it's been a fun ride, but do you want to risk the wheels coming off and leaving you stranded in the hot Arizona sun, everyone refusing to pick you up because you're wearing that giant purple coat? Do the smart thing, Purples: Jump now.
Pick: Trojans

Left on my voicemail from my friend Hawk: "So since UCLA and Arizona both lost to UW, does the winner get to dump the leftover Husky Stadium Gatorade on their coach?" That about sums it up, although by the time it hits Mike Stoops' shoulders it'll be little more than steam.
Pick: Wildcats

Say what you will, but my not so humble opinion is that the only reason the 2002 Apple Cup is considered the Cougs' Waterloo was because last year's game in Taco Town wasn't on television. The last time the Cougs won in Corvallis, O.J. Simpson was still nothing more than a mediocre actor, the Buffalo Bills had only lost three straight Super Bowls and we were all talking about how great the next Nirvana album might be. Keeping with the 1994 theme, the only way I'm worried about this game is if Tonya Harding and her tire iron line up at nose tackle.
Pick: Cougs

So with the baseball playoffs in full swing in the Bay Area this weekend, do the green and gold Duck fans mistaken for A's fans get peace signs flashed their way — or do the A's fans have hippie-speak invectives hurled their way for being misidentfied as Ducks? Frankly I can't think of any two fanbases that deserve more disdain than the Ducks and A's anyway, so I guess we're in "can't lose" territory here. I read this week that for each game, Nate Longshore leaves two tickets at will call for Jessica Simpson. In a related story, I'm submitting this week's column for Pulitzer consideration.
Pick: Ducks

Leave our sneakers alone, Dirkles! We're on to you!

Last Week: 5-0
Year to date: 30-6

So after yet another 2-2 Grab Bag, I'm really not sure how to attack this anymore. We'll give it another go around this week, and if I have another "non-losing" week, we'll open it up to suggestion. Speaking of suggestion, I'm not one to lay money on my Cougs but WSU by 3 ½ over the Beavs is about the only thing that's anywhere near last week's Oregon over ASU lock-of-the-year. This week, I will finally win with picks like:

Week 6: $100
Texas A&M (-2) over Kansas: $25
USC (-17) over Washington: $25
Minnesota (+3) over Penn State: $25
Nebraska (-6) over Iowa State: $25

Drive safely to Corvallis, bear witness to how I won't be classy after the victory, and as always, thanks for reading! Have a question or comment? Need a stock tip? Can't find a date for your High School Reunion (or better yet, your prom?) Hit up the mailbag at ramble_on@comcast.net

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