Adonis the Greek: Prognostications Week 2

SO THE QUESTION IS THIS heading into Week 2 of the college season: Are the Wolverines going to fold like a K-mart deck chair or rise up like the Big Ten men they are and teach Oregon's minor league offensive coordinator how it's done? Meanwhile, there are two -- count 'em 2 -- games in Seattle on Saturday and only one home team is coming out happy.

Will Ty "I prefer to be called Tyrone" Willy crack a smile? Can Doba reinvent his DBs in one week's time? Is Chrissy headed to divorce court?

A gaze into the crystal ball of the gridiron reveals all ....

Colorado at Arizona State
With the thumping of San Jose State complete, Coach Erickson tells friends the rebuilding at ASU is done and it's time to campaign for Lloyd Carr's job. Following opening day scare against Colorado State, Buffs receivers complain that QB Cody Hawkins has a weak arm, prompting dad, er, Dan Hawkins to declare locker room a Richard Simmons Video Free Zone.

Oregon at Michigan
To Dennis Dixon's dismay, Duck O-coordinator Chip Kelly, new to D-IA coaching, begins every conversation with the phrase, "Well, back at New Hampshire U, in the big game against Hofstra, we ....." Meanwhile, at Laughing Stock of the Nation University, Lloyd Carr tells underclassmen they need to play hard because Coach Erickson will be watching on TV.

Boise State at Washington
After monumental win over Syracuse (aka the Hofstra of Upstate New York), Tyee Club president orders complimentary wine coolers all around for compliance staff. Ty "Again, I prefer to be called Tyrone" Willy ups ante this week: Says he'll foot the bill for Zimas when his overrated Dawgs beat the overrated Pac-10 wannabes from Spudsville. BSU RB Ian Johnson vows to deliver divorce papers to Chrissy on national TV if Broncs don't break 40.

Oregon State at Cincinnati
Beavers' bra-emblazoned uniforms are a contender for People magazine's weirdest dressed list. Mike Riley hopes players aren't looking past Cincy to Week 3's grudge match with Idaho State. Bearcats have won 18 of last 24 at home, and boast that they've won their last two against Pac-10 opponents. Of course, those two wins came when the Pac had only eight teams and ASU, the victim in both contests, was still in the WAC.
Pick: Bearcats

Brigham Young coach Bronco Mendenhall, fresh off destroying Arizona, is lulled into thinking Pac-10 is a non-plural-marriage-believin' suckfest of a league. BYU defense fired up to teach turncoat QB Ben Olsen a lesson of Biblical proportion. UCLA linebackers Reggie Carter and Aaron Whittington engage in cyber trash talking, sending message to Provo that "there's no more need to study Joseph Smith because we are the personages whose brightness and glory defy all description."

Northern Arizona at Arizona
NAU's coach rallies team with new battle cry: "If a bunch of hillbillies from Boone, North Carolina, can beat Michigan, then we sure as hell have a shot at any team coached by Mike Stoops." Willie T. says Wildcats' newfangled offense isn't what he expected: "Seven points and a cloud of disgust." Stoops says he won't recommend the new O to brother Bob when they reunite in Norman next season.

Stanford vs. Bye
Jim Hairbaugh lost his Pac-10 coaching debut but the pain was salved with news that he would receive the Buddy Teevens Memorial Award for Having Not One Follicle Out of Place Despite a Stiff Breeze. The former Michigan star says Stanford is a lot like his alma mater -- "except Appalachian State would easily beat us by three or four TDs."
Pick: Bye

USC vs. Bye
After victory over surprisingly scrappy Idaho (aka the Hofstra of Northern Idaho), Pete Clairol ignores reporters' questions and declares that his hair is more perfect than Jim Harbaugh's. "I get my hair products from the NFL. He gets his from Tom Hansen," says Southern Gal coach.
Pick: Aveda's Famous Hair Wax

CIRCA 2001: Coleman (27), David (29)and Trufant

San Diego State at Washington State
So what if the Aztecs are 0-16 against the Pac-10 over the last decade-plus. So what if the Sons of Montezuma haven't been to a bowl game since, well, have they ever gone to a bowl game? Chuck Long calls Seattle a "neutral" field and pledges to make history. Bill Doba seen roaming Bohler Gym, clutching a faded photo of Erik Coleman, Jason David and Marcus Trufant while muttering, "Why couldn't you have all been here when I was the defensive coordinator AND head coach."

Last week's record: 6-3. I should have known Coach Fulmer would be distracted by all that San Francisco Sourdough. The other two misses – WSU and UW – were sentimental choices.

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