DUCKFIGHTER ILLUSTRATED

<b>APPLE CUP REVIEW:</b><ul> <li>Cougs Dance On Their Own Grave</li> <li>Inspired Huskies Rout The Ballerinas</li> </ul> <b>MIAMI PREVIEW:</b><ul> <li>No Chance, No Way, No How For Huskies </li> <li>Early Line At 26 And Rising</li> <li>Vaunted Canes Squeeze Orange In Tune Up</li></ul>

Satisfying Win For Huskies
(Seattle) Race Bannon

For a change, there was a real feeling of satisfaction for the Huskies, as they wrapped up yet another Apple Cup win over the Cougs. Normally the feeling is relief that the Huskies didn't stumble against their over matched rivals. This time the Cougs came in with the big press, and bigger expectations. As was widely predicted at Dawgman, they fell flat on their faces.

It's a good thing that the Coug players got their celebrating in on Friday, as they had nothing to dance about once the superior Husky squad had finished beating them up along both lines. The now infamous Dance Fever tape is being sent to America's Funniest Home Videos, so the whole nation can laugh at the fat headed Cougars, who had the temerity to think they could waltz into Legendary Husky Stadium, and defeat the proud Husky squad just by showing up.

Reggie Williams and Cody Pickett re wrote the Apple Cup record book, removing the stain of Cougar names from the top of the passing and receiving lists. Mike Price started out with single man coverage on Reggie, and dared Gilby to beat him. Reggie had the record by halftime, as Gilby took that dare.

The Husky D, led by Tim Hundley, one of the finest defensive minds on the planet, rebounded nicely from the Reser incident, and showed the kind of pride and effort that has made the Huskies one of the premiere programs in America. Coach Hundley is thrilled to be able to move back home, and was happy to see the moving vans leave from in front of his house.

On the other side of the state, the thinking is that perhaps it is time for the Cougars to go ahead and get themselves a real football coach. The more high strung and talented players that WSU has assembled don't seem to respond as well to Mike's goofy calls, and bizarre strategies, as the old overachievers did, who were just happy to have a scholarship at a semi major school. Nakoa McElrath distinguished himself with an inspiring post-game tirade, called, "What About Me? It's All About Me". Cougar fans took this loss very hard, and deserve all the sympathy from us that they would give in return, if the tables had been turned.

The Oregon Report
(Tahiti) Mallard N. Moore

The Ducks enjoyed their first week of vacation, as they soaked up the sun, and caught up on their press clippings. A few of them took time to watch the Huskies clinch the Fiesta Bowl for them. The rest continued the important work of getting their tans in shape.

Mike Bellotti and Rick Neuheisel are old friends who share a dislike of the Cougars. You can bet that the phone lines were busy all week as Bellotti and Neuheisel compared strategies on beating the Coug machine. It appears they are a bit more formidable of a team than Price and Erickson.

The Civil War has huge implications now, as the Ducks will have sole possession of the crown when they win. They would have to share with three other teams, including the Huskies, if the biggest fluke in history happened, and they lost. The Husky fans are already way too smug about the talent they have stockpiled for years to come, to allow them the gloating rights of a championship in a rebuilding year. Let's not blow this one, OK Coach Bellotti?

Another tough week of two a day Mai Tai practice awaits before we head back to Eugene to crush those mouthy Beavers.

MIAMI PREVIEW
(Miami) Sonny Burnett - We welcome our newest contributor, Sonny Burnett, a writer for the Miami Sun, and a well-connected entrepreneur who has close ties to the Miami program.

The Canes are loaded at every position, three deep with first round draft choices. It all starts with the offensive line, the best in America, and the best in the history of college football. The slowest of the bunch runs a 4.2 40, although he is working to improve his time.

The Canes are stacked at running back, as they have a son of a NFL Hall Of Famer to go with 3 guys that are 275 pounds, and run a 3.9 40. There is no way the pathetic Husky defense stops any of these future Pro Bowl performers.

The Cane receivers have glue for fingers, and the best speed this side of Daytona. They average a 3.5 40, and catch everything within 20 yards of them. There is no way the pathetic Husky D stops these guys, who are hard on the career path for Canton, Ohio.

The Cane D has shut down a series of high-powered offenses, from Joe Paterno's leather helmet attack, to the run and gun attacks of Troy State and Rutgers. They will crush the anemic Husky running game, and batter Cody Pickett into submission. Reggie Williams would be lucky to make the scout team at Miami, with all the talent they have. This game has shut out written all over it.

But the pride and joy of the Miami program, is Heisman trophy quarterback, Ken Dorsey. Dorsey is as tough and rugged as any of the long line of super talents that have played the position at UM. He has vowed revenge for the dirty play of the cheating Huskies, who got lucky last year, with the help of a bunch of crooked referees. Dorsey should have 300 yards and 7 touchdowns by halftime. No one intimidates the hard-nosed Kenny.

The Canes have completed their lengthy exhibition schedule, closing with a rout over the Syracuse Lacrosse Team. Syracuse was hampered by the loss of Jim Brown, early in the contest. The battle tested Canes are now prepared for the one game regular season against Washington, from the pansy WAC 10.

No reason for the Huskies to even show for this one. Bet the trailer on the Canes, at least until the spread hits 59.

GAME PREDICTIONS:


Sonny Burnett: No chance for the Pups, as they get what they have deserved for 8 years now. Revenge is sweet. No Warren Sapp to botch the coin toss. No crooked Pac 10 referees. No Field turf allowed to grow too long. This time it's the Cane's House, and the Canes will rock the house all night long.
UM – 69, UW – 3

Mallard N. Moore: The Ducks really need the Huskies to win to have a chance for the Rose Bowl, so look for Skippy to throw this game to the Canes. As the Huskies are driving for the winning score, they'll throw an out route on the goal line, and Ed Reed is gonna score!
UM – 31, UW – 21

Duckfighter: As I was watching the Leonid asteroid show, and ingesting some really good peyote, a vision came to me. I saw a mighty wind blow itself out. I saw palm trees snap in two. I saw rappers on the sidelines. I saw tears on Dorothy's face. I saw the skies open up, and a towhead descend, bringing tides of joy to the Husky faithful. I saw VICTORY.
UW – 27, UM – 26 - Note: duck fighter's ramblings and inappropriate drug humor do not represent company policy or opinion. If he didn't own the magazine, he'd have been fired years ago.

Nakoa McElrath: It's all about me, baby, who cares who wins this game, I'm not there (no prediction given).

Kirk Herbstriet: Well, I picked the Cougs to beat the Huskies, by a large margin no less, and I didn't see anything to change my mind. And while I wasn't thrilled at all the garbage and beer bottles that were thrown at us by the Miami fans, I still say Miami has the best team in America. By far. I'm surprised they even play football anymore out west, it's not like we here at ESPN give a rip about them.

( a whispered conversation ensues) Kirk returns

Well, now that we know that the Huskies might be on ESPN for the Holiday Bowl, let me just say that they are probably the best team in the Pac 10, and the Holiday Bowl just might be the best match up of any bowl. I really love Washington and their Coach Don James. UW could surprise in this game.
UM – 28, UW – 24

Thanks to all our readers! – Race Bannon can be reached at duckfighter@dawgman.com

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