<b>IN THIS ISSUE:</b><ul> <li>It's Hate Your Neighbor Week</li> <li>Bruins Break the Curse</li> <li>Beavers to Play for All the Marbles</li> <li>The Dynasty Lay in Ruins</li> <li>Tedford Nails His Audition</li></ul>

Hail to the Seniors and the Defense
Race Bannon

There wasn't a dry eye in the house as the 2004 seniors were introduced at Husky Stadium for the final time in their star crossed careers last Saturday. Some had watched Rick Neuheisel hoist the Rose Bowl trophy; others had come to school following that glorious day. All embarked on a long strange trip that ended with the worst season on record at the venerable U Dub.

We said good bye to Keith Gilbertson and looked across the field and coveted our neighbor's coach. For this sin were treated to loss number 9 of this year from the depths of hell.

The loss followed a familiar pattern as the Husky defense mounted a valiant campaign only to be left to crumble under the relentless Cal attack by a disappearing and turn over prone offense. Yet another blocked punt swung Big Mo to the Bears and they laughed all the way home from there.

The Huskies show tremendous promise on defense and even have some pieces on offense that might look attractive to our next coach whoever he might be. Craig Chambers could not be covered and showed soft hands and break away speed.

Jeff Tedford performed a workmanlike execution on the Huskies and left no ill will lingering as he prepares for his interview following the end of this season. Cal boosters are said to be irate that Cal failed to cover the spread, an unheard of occurrence against this year's Husky squad.

"I was ready to write a 5 million dollar check for the new women's softball field" complained Ann Archist, a Bay Area soft wear developer and live in lover of Cal's new AD. "But I thought; why not double it first by betting on Cal? Now I have nothing."

"I am only thinking about Cal right now" stated Jeff Tedford as he thought about an eighteen million dollar contract and a refurbished Husky Stadium that would once again be the crown jewel of the West.

"He's shagadelic baby!" confirmed the new UW President, Austin Powers.
This Apple Cup is Rotten to the Core
Race Bannon with a token appearance by Rob Bobertson

History tells us that WSU has actually won 27 times in the series against Washington. The Huskies have only won 62 times. Our younger readers might want to ask their grand parents about the last WSU win just to be sure that it does happen on occasion.

Washington has won the last 6 Apple Cups. This is still two wins short of the theoretical maximum of 8 straight wins, a threshold UW has reached a few times before. UW is 29-11 over the last 40 games in the series. In other words, for our WSU readers, the Huskies win three out of four games. This allows WSU two to three wins a decade.

We point this out as a public service to our Husky readers to let them know that this sure seems like a year when pigs fly and the Cougs win.

You just don't see a 1-9 team march into Martin P. Vandal Stadium and dodge urine filled bottles and march back out with a victory. The Cougs have already crashed their dynasty and blown their bowl eligibility so they having nothing to choke on which would bring the Coug It event that this Husky team so desperately needs.

Alex "Season on the" Brink will do what no other legendary Cougar quarterback has been able to do since Ryan "The moral fiber of a fallen" Leaf, beat the hated Huskies. The vaunted Husky defense will once again be unable to stem the tide of turnovers generated by the Husky offense and the Cougs will be tearing down the goalposts and signing Bill Doba to a lifetime contract.

What do you think, Rob?

"1-9! The Huskies suck way worse than we do. What happened to my dynashty! *HIC*" WSU – 9, UW – 6
Beavers Set to Win the Triple Crown
Mallard N. Moore

With a stunning win over the Stanford Giants, the Oregon State Beavers set up a showdown for the ages at this year's Civil War in Corvallis at legendary Reser Fine Foods Meat Locker Stadium.

Mike Reilly has literally cashed checks worth millions since his landmark overtime win in Corvallis over the Ducks in 1998. He hasn't done much since until the late season surge this year that has the Beavs on the cusp of the NW Triple Crown.

The Beavers can clinch a bowl bid, win the state, and claim the prestigious Northwest Cup with a win over the reeling, over rated, defenseless Ducks. They would stand alone as the only Northwest team with a winning record. That is quite an accomplishment for the red headed step child of the West.

On the other hand a loss would give all of the above to the hated mallard men from Eugene, led by the despotic Mike Bellotti.

The UCLA Bruins broke the curse of the Huskies and actually showed up and took the Ducks to the woodshed before a packed and angry crowd at the House that Joey and Jeff built.

As predicted here by the world renowned Race Bannon, and foolishly contradicted by Cubby Wadsworth, the Ducks are in danger of completing their run from 5-3 to 5-6 with the semi annual Civil War in Corvallis loss looming.

"Breaking our winning season string isn't the end of the world. We promised our fans we would be just like Washington," pointed out Bill Moos as he finished the fifth of scotch and opened another. "I've done my best here and I have no regrets at all," explained Moos as he once again regretted letting Tedford go while keeping Bellotti who had no doubt cost him his job for sure this time.

"I thought I saw that Tedford couldn't even cover the spread against Washington" started Bellotti at his post game press conference as he felt the glare from the assembled three media members.

"The last time I checked, 5 are better than 1 when it comes to wins. I won't stand here and be second guessed by the Willamette Weekly Shopper," Bellotti fumed as he realized now that the call from Todd Turner would never come.

OSU – 28, UO – 19

Jeff Tedford coaches what might be his final game at unremodeled with no concrete plans to do so yet Earthquake Park against the Stanford Giants. Cal will win big. Our USC coverage picks up again next week as the Trojans get set for Notre Dame and UCLA back to back.

Elsewhere: Young Vince Young accounted for over 400 yards running and passing and threw a last second TD pass to get Texas out of Kansas with a win…Bob Stoops was throwing for more with a thirty point lead on Nebraska late…Utah State and all the rest of the former Husker patsies were cheering him on…Auburn made their case with a big win over GeorgiaMiami got back in the win column…LSU beat Bama…John L Smith led the Spartans of Michigan State to a rout over previously unbeaten WisconsinMichigan looks like they will play Cal in the Roses in what could be Jeff Tedford's last game as coach at Cal…You've been a great audience and we love all of you

Thanks for Reading! – Race Top Stories