DUCKFIGHTER ILLUSTRATED

IN THIS ISSUE: Dance ends for Huskies at Sweet 16, Cards take Final Four berth, We're jumping back off the bandwagon, Heels, Illini, and Spartans round out field in St. Louis, Turmoil in Eugene: Special Report.

It was a hell of a dance while it lasted
Race Bannon

The Washington Huskies picked a poor time to leave home without their very best dance shoes and their dreams of a Final Four came crashing down under the weight of a Louisville onslaught at the Albuquerque Regional.

The Dawgs jumped out to an early lead, but the more physical Cards smacked them in the jaw and the Huskies never quite recovered the swagger that had carried them this far this season. Some fans blamed cheating, incompetent, stinking officials for the loss but they are wrong – a champion overcomes cheating, incompetent, stinking officials. DFI research has shown that in basketball, crooked refs are always jobbing the team you are passionately rooting for. It is an emotional game and almost impossible to call to the satisfaction of losing fans.

The problem is much more sinister than bad referees. And it is much harder to fix. DFI once suggested that the Husky Football Program be moved to Alabama so we could run it the way we wanted without interference from namby pamby ivory tower pinhead elitists that the NW specializes in putting out. A place where we could bid for top recruits against the rest of the SEC and other enlightened conferences that still allow for a little creative recruiting.

DFI is now calling for the entire athletic department to be moved from behind the shadow of Mount Rainier in the hopes that our lads will be better prepared for the bright lights of national acclaim, and to escape the eternal mediocrity of Seattle sports.

If the Mariners aren't lying down like losers against the Yanks after winning 116 games, the Seahawks are going 20 years without a playoff win. Or the Sonics are blowing a series to Denver when Michael Jordan is playing minor league baseball.

Only the 79 Sonics and the 91 Husky footballers stand between Seattle and total and absolute sports futility. Storm fans need not write at all – we're talking real sports here.

Coach Romar and the team gave us one heck of a ride this season and we can't wait to hop on again next year as we span the time between football letter of intent day and spring practice. Good job guys. This year was free – next year we become Kentucky. Pressure builds along with expectations.
Chaos reigns in Eugene power struggle
Mallard N. Moore

Track and field is the gold standard sport at the University of Oregon. The schools owner, Phil Knight, made his bones in track and the locally famous Nike running shoe was actually designed for track, not Michael Jordan. Bill Bowerman won several national titles in obscure track events and it is the one sport that Oregon is much better than UW in.

That last fact alone should tell you about the passion that Duck fans feel for track. Alas, like every other sport on campus, the track team is in serious decline. After no bowl game and no post season play for basketball, (the only Pac 10 school to pull off that double) a weary Duck nation was ready to turn its lonely eyes to track and some much needed success.

At which point Bill Moos promptly fired the track coach. It seems that the track coach actually thought HE was running the track program, not Knight. The track coach wanted to do events that UO could score in so UO could win meets again. Boosters (Knight) wanted distance running, just like in the days of the legendary Steve Pre.

Then Knight unloads on Moos – "He had ten chances to get this right and he missed them all."

Wow – that's a direct shot at the embattled Athletic Director and has folks wondering how long Moos will be employed at Oregon. Our guess is at least until Knight finds the pictures and the secret files.

Rumors already abound that a package deal of Barbara Hedges and Rick Neuheisel is in the works to revive the moribund football program. Bellotti just doesn't seem to have his head in it since his wife took the pick up truck and dog and left town.

"What makes anyone think it was my call to fire the track coach right before the season starts," complained Moos as he thought about the decision to fire Neuheisel right before the season and knew that risky scheme had Knight fingerprints all over it. "Ever since the tickets for rent scheme got blown open I've been the fall guy for everything around here. I'm not going down alone!" exclaimed Moos as he cursed Todd Turner for the thousandth time for taking his dream job, and mentally checked the hiding places of the evidence of the total corruption of Duck Athletics.

"All I did was ask what we needed to do to not get our ass kicked by Colorado on national TV in the Cotton Bowl. Write a check Phil, write a bigger check Phil."

Trading tickets for rent, forging LOIs, sabotaging Washington……….nothing seems to work anymore.

"I did it all and all I have to show for it is NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

An ominous silence fell over the Willamette Valley.
Thanks for reading! Spring drills have begun – Race

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