The recruiting love triangle

This is Officer Lee Groinman . . . That's Right, Seattle's Most Bemused Cop! I made the trip down to see the Dawgman recruiting fricassee last weekend to work security at the door. The plan was to meet up with fellow officers at "Papa's", that sports bar down in the Kent valley.

Not bad as plans go, cuz they've got some real cuties workin' the floor down there! Made this ol' officer of the peace blush. So anyway, I'm runnin' nearly an hour behind schedule, which is not bad in this business. Still, I felt the need for speed, even though the recruitin' banquet doors did not open for more than two more hours. The question seemed innocent enough, so why would the answer take upwards of two hours?

"Let's move it pal! Don't cha' like that shade of yellow?!"

Being a cop, you get some interesting' looks when you're asking people to getta-move-on. Still, I thought replacing my Seattle's finest cap with the huge Husky foam head wudda given folks the hint that Groinman was in Husky Fever mode, not on duty. Oh well.

I opened the door to a sparse crowd, relatively smoke-free, so Deputy Mikey was easy to spot, he always is. It seems his time away may have done him some good. He was dressed in Husky purple, except for the denim short pants, and at his purple-thonged feet were piles of spent pull-tabs. The jukebox was playin' the old album by the Doobie Brothers, "What were once vises are now habits." Perfect.

"Mikey! How long has it been?"

"Hey Lee, you ol' snake, you know better than to sneak up on me like that! Listen Lee, get yourself a dang beer, and sit down and shut-up, we have to talk."

I knew somethin' was up, something serious, very serious.

I switch gears as quick as poop through a goose to avoid conflict. "Whoa big fella! Such tough orders! Say isn't that the same barmaid that was here when we were headed down to the Rose Bowl? The blonde, the one that Desk Sarge Deano was tryin' to buy a last minute airline ticket to LA for?"

"She's the one, Ruby."

My draft came, some kinda Pale Ale from the great State of Alaska.

I finally drift back onto topic-du-jour. "So just spill it Mikey! What's up? I won't be late for that banquet!"

A sneer comes across the Deputy's broad face. "Lee, do you remember that gal I was seeing, you know, LuAnn?" I didn't remember squat, to be honest.

"LuAnn, well off course I do, yeah sure, nice gal!" Quick Lee, think. LuAnn who? Beats the hell outta' me . . . damn.

Deputy Mikey continues. "Well it seems that while I was away, Desk Sargeant Deano sorta took my place, if you catch my drift."

Now my beans are grinding at full tilt. "No way! Is this what this is all about? A woman?"

"So are you and Deano all savvy on this, on this love-triangle?"

"We haven't talked Lee, LuAnn just told me herself, and she wanted me to keep my trap shut for the time being. Friendships, you know. Besides, I figure I'll see Deano tonight at the banquet anyway. I just wanted to give you a heads-up in case, you know, something funny came along."

HOLY CRAPES!! Perfect, just PERFECT!

A love-triangle at Dawgman's RECRUITIN' BANQUET!!"

We pulled into Emerald Downs parkin' lot, Mikey's cell phone goes off, it's Deano, he says he's in the bar already, he wants to meet us there. Alcohol, Football, and a love-triangle . . . you might as well have 10-cent beer and gun night at Yankee Stadium on a Friday evening game.

We head toward the elevator that will take us up to the 4th floor, the scene of Dawgman's banquet, where Desk Sarge Deano is lyin' in wait at the bar. I don't like it, not at all. A bead of sweat ran down my temple . . .

The doors to the elevator open slowly, empty, luckily Mikey and I are the only ones ridin' back up to that fateful 4th floor.

Mikey blurts out, "Look Lee, LuAnn is just a woman, and this, THIS is HUSKY FOOTBALL!! Deano is just a guy, a guy like us. But this is about more than that. This is all about friendships and HUSKY FOOTBALL! This is like FAMILY! You can't let a woman come between all that!"

All I can think to say is, "Yeah, let it go Mikey, just let it go."


The elevator doors open, we slowly entered the bar, Deano bought the first round, 2 drafts and a 7-UP. All is well.

Until something REALLY grinds my beans. What the HELL is THIS! I scan the room, and not ONE recruiting brochure! I'm about ready to turn my horse ol' Paint loose in the room when Grinolds assures us that they are on the way. The situation diffused, I head back to the bar and leave ol' Paint in the paddock area. Nice place, Emerald Downs, Paint didn't want to come home.

I gotta tell ya this! We sure have come along way since the banquets of old. Remember the banquets of the past? Twenty-five bucks, and Hot-Dogs with Heckman!

This was a spread! A first class event, we all know that. This banquet will always stay in my noggin' for the crazy effect it had on so many people! We were asked to keep our traps shut, basically to keep the info off the net, so the speakers would feel free to talk openly. At least they didn't darken the room, put us in purple robes, and take a blood oath! That vision did run thru my mind . . .


Well, enough already. Just suffice to say that the banquet was a total blast, the best one yet. Over 300 rabid Husky fans and not one left early. Both Chuck Heater and Dick Baird were incredible speakers. Well done, Dawgman.

Groinman got to meet the newest member of the Dawgman family, Gunnar Samek, let me tell you this! That kid just may have his dad's vision, his mom's foot speed, and perhaps the scariest of all . . . he might also have Uncle Rico's VERT! Yes Sir folks! This kid is a keeper! Early commit, you got it! Heater was working him hard, although Gunnar's pacifier kept falling out during the pitch. At 13 pounds, it's tough to project where he'll wind up, but Dawgman is thinking defense. He always does.

The players on the film? Oh yeah. Most will redshirt, which is good. This is a great class! One player I'd like to see on the field right now is Nate Robinson! Nate could return kick-offs and maybe even punts, if he has the stones! This kid has some moves! He'll be like tryin' to catch a water-skipper in a bathtub! A freak!


Signed - Officer Lee Groinman, Seattle's toughest cop Top Stories