Troy "Cubby" Wadsworth III
The USC Trojans, America's finest team, spent the off season successfully lobbying Pac 1 Commissioner Paul "Taggy" Blue for an increase in the salary cap, so the new recruits could be added to the roster.
"We were a bit concerned about our third team" noted Pete "Petey" Carroll, stealing a line that Don James used after yet another blowout of Cal. "The increased payroll should alleviate that."
The Trojans now have verbal commitments to fill classes through 2012. In an unrelated story, Southland auto dealers report record sales once again.
Ashley Simpson has become something of a good luck charm for the Trojans after her inspired performance at the Orange Bowl led the Trojans to a shocking dismantling of the Oklahoma Sooners. Ms. Simpson will sing the national anthem at all Trojan games this year. I think we all want to go UNH!
Meanwhile Angelinos are abuzz about whether the good looking Simpson sister is finally going to dump that mid western cad of a boy band singer and get into the Matt Leinart sweepstakes.
The returning Heisman winner has to win the starting job first as John David Josh Joe Bob Jimmy "What a" Booty challenges for playing time at the glamour position of college football at "Quarterback U."
I know, it used to be "tailback U", but with apologies to OJ, Palmer and Leinart have avoided any double murder raps so far.
What is all this drivel doing in a college football preview? Beats me, but I can tell you that the Trojans will win their third straight national championship by dismantling Miami in the BCS Championship game. Those two teams will supply all 32 first round draft picks in the next NFL Draft.
Summer Top 10
1 – USC
2 – Miami
3 – Texas Tech
4 – Indiana
5 – Notre Dame
6 – Stanford
7 – Vanderbilt
8 – LSU
9 – Tiger Woods
10 – Washington
The Pac 10
USC should become the first three time in a row champ since the Husky Dynasty of the late past century. The Trojans do have to travel to Tempe, Berkeley, Eugene and Seattle, along with a trip to South Bend for the revenge minded Irish under new coach Minnesota Fats. This is what is known as a challenge, a challenge that the Trojans are built to overcome.
UCLA hopes to build off their strong showing at the end of last season when they lost to Wyoming in a bowl game. But before that they had a moral defeat against USC. This is a sink or swim year for Coach Dorrell now that Rick Neuheisel has been cleared by the Feds of gambling and racketeering charges.
Dirk "Diggler" Koetter and Jeff "Jesus" Tedford launch a spawn battle of the ages for the third spot. California loses 45 starters but after another successful raid on JCs across America looked primed to continue their march to greatness. ASU finished badly and the Desert Spawn is on the hot seat now that Frank Kush has been cryogenically preserved at the Ted Williams Center in Arizona.
What's his name Stoops should have Arizona taking the last bowl spot available to the conference of champion (USC).
All of which brings us to the woeful northwest contingent of the conference, led by defending NW Cup holder Oregon State, fresh off a demolition of Notre Dame and their crack coaching staff. Oregon got the tough Hoosiers of Indiana off the schedule but a trip to Houston and a visit from Fresno State may hamper the usual three non con wins that combine with the usual 3-5 conference record to get a minor bowl that has made Head Spawn Bellotti an icon in Eugene.
Does WSU still field a team? It is hard to believe that the Dynasty was mere year or so ago. How time flies.
Exclusive Interview with Coach Willingham
DFI: Congratulations on the two verbal commits. I know you can't talk about them now, but the fans seemed relived, maybe too relived, with the news. It was a pretty quiet spring up until then.
DFI: (laughing) Well I never thought of it quite that way. How is your daughter's softball team doing?
Coach TY: ………
DFI: Because the people have a right to know. You came under some fire for keeping such a low profile when some big guns were in the area giving cash to local recruits. Does that criticism sting when it comes from such a respected journalist as me?
DFI: I can't argue with that Coach, thank you for your time and good luck this year. I can find my own way out. Hey, is it true that Lorenzo Romar needed a stunt double for those ads?
The crack DFI staff pointed out that everyone in America has a blog, and that we needed one too. Never one to miss a trend, I have decided to introduce our newest feature – DogBlog.
I cannot deny that my feelings and writings and musings about Husky Football have taken a dark turn over the last few years. The problems are too numerous to detail here once again, and besides that is why we have two local newspapers, to spread the dirt early and often. With any luck we will soon have only one local newspaper and Jim Moore and Art Theil can hang out at freeway on ramps where they belong.
But that isn't my point. My point is that Husky Football Inc. is at a thirty year low in returns and profit. I have helped this feeling of gloom and doom with my dark journeys of complaints about our alleged new commitment to football, only seeing the same old commitment to raiding our wallets for more and more money, so the Olympic Sports can thrive in the luxury they could never earn or deserve for themselves.
However, I have noticed an odd, yet familiar feeling returning to the pit of my ample gut. As the count down clock hit 60 days, I felt an excitement for football that has been missing since Rick's Montlake Casino got raided and the Feds installed Lumpy Rutherford as our coach.
I find myself asking why? It certainly wasn't the LOIs in February where we saw the criminal neglect of recruiting bare fruit in a widely panned class. It wasn't the Spring Game which made vanilla seem exciting. It's not the usual reports of hard work this summer which have proven to be worth zip in recent years.
It is far more nebulous than that. As a self proclaimed college football expert I have to agree with my colleagues that Washington has too far to travel from 1-10 to be of any threat or real interest this year. Ticket sales show that fans agree as well.
And yet, my gut says that Ty Willingham can go 8-3 as easy as he goes 3-8 and that this is set up tailor made for one of his good years. He has something to prove, the players have something to prove and the administration has something to prove. College football abounds with surprise stories, and gosh darn it, why not us?
Please don't bet this prediction, but in a wild paean to unbridled optimism and insane hope, here is my summer prediction of the UW season:
Wins: Air Force, Idaho, Cal, Notre Dame, Oregon, Oregon State, Washington State, Arizona.
Losses: USC, UCLA, Arizona State.
Thanks for reading…..they're coming to take me away! – Race
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