• Lorenzo Romar To Head The Program
  • "We Got Our First Choice!" Says Ms. Hedges
  • Bender Era Ends In Rehab
  • Ducks Reach Elite 8, Get Crushed By Kansas
  • ">
  • Lorenzo Romar To Head The Program
  • "We Got Our First Choice!" Says Ms. Hedges
  • Bender Era Ends In Rehab
  • Ducks Reach Elite 8, Get Crushed By Kansas
  • ">

    DUCKFIGHTER ILLUSTRATED

    IN THIS ISSUE: <ul><li>"Basketball" Arrives On Campus</li> <li>Lorenzo Romar To Head The Program</li> <li>"We Got Our First Choice!" Says Ms. Hedges</li> <li>Bender Era Ends In Rehab</li> <li>Ducks Reach Elite 8, Get Crushed By Kansas</li></ul>


    Lorenzo Romar Tabbed To Lead Cagers Back To Glory

    Barbara Hedges pulled a surprise out of her bonnet yet again, with the shocking hire of Lorenzo Romar to lead the rebirth of the Husky basketball program. Not many thought such a highly touted candidate would be able to be snared here, but Ms. Hedges silenced the critics once again.

    After holding off the applications of the nation's finest coaches, and turning down a particularly poignant plea from Mike Bellotti, Hedges was able to focus on her first choice, and land him. Bellotti's entrance was the most surprising, as he isn't thought of as a basketball coach.

    "For 1.2 million dollars, I'll coach crew!" Bellotti explained shortly before heading to Bill Moos' office to discuss accelerating the roll over portion of his contract from once a month to daily.

    Quin Snyder felt the love of the Mizzou faithful and returned to the Ozarks. Mark Few, former Duck, and current coach of the hated Zags thankfully turned down the job, at least according to Few. Dan Monson, son of a Duck, and a former coach of the hated Zags, pulled a Hamlet routine, and decided to be, a Gopher. Another stroke of luck for the Huskies.

    John Wooden is enjoying retirement too much, Red Aurbach couldn't abide by the smoke free policy at BOA Arena, and George Karl had an aneurysm trying to decide if he loved the purity of college ball, or the dirt of his 7 million dollar a year contract.

    But all of that was just a smoke screen by the crafty Hedges, who knew that if word got out about who she was after, Bellotti would try to recruit him. Romar is a former Husky player who was a top assistant and recruiter for UCLA's National Champions. Lorenzo then was head coach at Pepperdine before moving on to St. Louis University, in St. Louis, surprisingly enough.

    Lo has taken a club to the NCAA Tourney, and a couple of squads to the NIT. An emotional Romar said that only the lure of his old school could have taken him away from the Billikens, who are poised to make some noise in Conference USA. Not that anyone would hear that noise.

    Romar has some tools to work with as he rebuilds the sleeping giant of a program at the UW. And he will hit the ground running on the recruiting trail, as he looks for big men, and introduces himself to the already legendary ‘wonder twins' at Rainier Beach, the Stewart Bros.

    Welcome to Seattle, Lorenzo, good luck, and you can count on the full support of this magazine in your efforts to awake the fan base to the wonders of college basketball. Comp tickets would be appreciated as always.

    And we thank Bob "On A" Bender for his 9 years of mostly loyal service to the Husky team. It's too bad that such a nice guy had to be let go, but as Leo Durocher once said, "Nice guys don't pay the bills for Title IX."

    Bob's shining moment was a couple of wins over MAC teams in the Big Dance and a heartbreaking loss to U-Conn in the Sweet 16. Bob was never able to build on that, mainly because he was interested in job-hunting across America. One rumor has Bob landing on his feet at UCLA as an assistant. Another claims that he lobbied for the New Mexico gig and had former Husky Senque Carey lobbying hard for him to be hired.

    Reaction On The Street

    Biff Baxter, Frat Row: "Cool"
    Muffy Diver, Sorority Row: "Ick, they get so sweaty when they play basketball."
    Zolan B. Free, Anger Studies: "I can't believe the wastefulness of the Athletic Complex, spending millions when people are starving, and giving nothing to the plantation hands who do the work. I feel like putting my black mask on and looting Nike."
    Ed Wokmon, 8th year freshman: "Dude, like what?"
    Bubba Franklin, Booster: "I'm kind of surprised. I was pretty happy with the job Rick was doing. Didn't think we'd be seeing a new football coach so soon."


    As you can see, the town is a buzz with excitement, and the Athletic Department plans to get in on it by offering season tickets in October. Hopefully, people will still remember that we have a basketball team by then.

    Ducks Complete Record Breaking Season In Hoops
    Mallard N. Moore

    The Mighty, Fighting, Donald Like Ducks of Oregon firmly stamped their presence on the top rung of the Pac 10 by backing up their football title with a regular season title in basketball. The Arizona Wildcats took home the trophy from the prestigious conference tourney.

    Led by sophomore sensation Luke Skywalker, the Ducks rolled into the NCAA Tourney, only to find an angry Grizzly standing in the way. But a close win over Montana set the stage for a run to the Elite Eight. UO beat the Texas Longhorns in the round of 16, as Chris Simms, still smarting from being sat on the bench for the Holiday Bowl, had 15 turnovers at the point guard position.

    All that stood in the way of a trip to the Final Four was the choking prairie bird known as the Jayhawk. Alas, the corn kids from Kansas had too much muscle for the Ducks, and hammered them on the boards and the scoreboard. Kansas made the Ducks so much dust in the wind. All in all a great year for the Ducks, even though they lost to Washington.

    We took a moment to sit down with Ernie Kent, Head Coach, to talk about the season.

    MM: (that's me, Mallard) Coach, a great year all around, can we do it again?
    EK: (that's Ernie Kent) Good question, Mallard. I don't know.
    MM: Well, what were the highlights?
    EK: Highlights? It might have been when I heard that UW was going to pay 1.2 million dollars to some perm-haired dude who didn't get any farther in the tourney than I did. I should have applied for that gig.
    MM: We're glad you didn't Coach Kent.
    EK: Yeah, well lets see if we can disengage Phil and Bill from you know who's hind quarter long enough to see if I can get a raise. That damn monthly roll over contract for Mr. Big Shot letter-jacket wearin' BCS boy.
    MM: Thank you Coach, and good luck next season.
    EK: I'm gonna need it. Playing in some old barn while Bill pumps every last dime into that overblown circus tent. (at this point I quietly left the room-MM)

    A Word From The Publisher – duck fighter

    Support your team! This is a good hire, and we're lucky that Barbara had Lorenzo number one all along (Right? Right!). He's a Husky, he's a winner, and he's not a damn duck or Zag. He will build this program and stand astride the world as a colossus, master of all we survey. But he'll need your support, enthusiasm, attendance, and cash to do it. Good Luck, Lo!

    Thanks to all our readers, as always!
    Author Race Bannon can be reached at duckfighter@dawgman.com when he's not busy counting his bonus money he received from dawgman.com for doing a basketball article.

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