DUCKFIGHTER ILLUSTRATED

IN THIS ISSUE - UW hold off the barbarians at the gate - Drunken fighting Irishmen seen heading to Seattle - Ducks ruin Fresno State's dream season - Trojans take a page from ‘Deliverance' - Bruins crush the Sooners


Huskies set to welcome Fighting Ethnic Stereotypes
Race Bannon

Ty Willingham earned his first victory as head man of the Purple and Gold as the Washington Huskies mopped up the floor with a ragged band of Vandals from Idaho, 34-6.

Willingham's troops responded to a good week of practice with a disciplined effort against an Idaho team that had given WSU all they could handle. The Huskies' oft maligned defense came up with the best performance in years as they relentlessly pressured the Vandal offense into mistake after mistake.

Isaiah Stanback shook off a ragged start to lead the Dawgs to their highest point total since a 42-10 drubbing of Oregon in 2003. Louis Rankin once again went over 100 yards as Tim Lappanno's balanced attack continues to impress Husky fans.

Meanwhile, deep in the heartland of America beneath the watchful eye of Touchdown Jesus, Notre Dame wonder coach Charlie Weis watched his top ten Irish get pushed all over the field by John L. Smith's Michigan State Spartans. The Irish showed heart and the great offense brought by Weis as they gamely battled back from a three touchdown deficit in the second half. Alas, the Irish D remains as easy as a drunken sorority pledge. The Spartans won in overtime, 44-41.

Thus the scene is set for the big grudge match at Husky Stadium next Saturday as Ty Willingham welcomes his former employers and Charlie Weiss visits the school that he begged to be his employers. Both fan bases claim to be happy with the way things worked out but let's see how everyone feels next Saturday night.

After Notre Dame's 2-0 start there was much talk about how Weiss was superior in his use of the Notre Dame players. After the loss, blame reverted to the lousy players that Willingham had left there.

"I guess I went 1-1 on Saturday" chuckled Willingham as he looked forward to either being roasted by Husky fans if Notre Dame wins or being blamed by Irish fans if UW wins next week. "We'll show up in our suits and ties and do our best to keep this momentum moving forward in the way that Coach Willingham wants it to proceed - in a disciplined and moving forward way."

The Washington defense still appears to be a big underdog to the Irish offensive line and that bodes ill for a pass defense that requires heavy pressure to mask deficiencies in the secondary. The Husky offensive line has yet to show any push against markedly weaker teams than Notre Dame. Stanback lacks the experience of a Drew Stanton to outscore the Irish in a shoot out. In time the young skywalker will become a Husky legend, but that time is not yet. All though it would be a heck of a place to start……..

We are sorry to report that the thrill of victory will be fleeting for our Montlake Maulers as the angry Irish pound our lads into submission.

ND – 55, UW – 24
Bring on the Trojans!
Mallard N. Moore

A beaming Mike Bellotti pronounced the Duck defense healed after they held Fresno State to 530 yards of total offense, including only 418 through the air. The Ducks traded in their field goal attack for some touchdowns this week and rolled to a commanding 37-34 victory at a noisy Autzen Arena.

"We'd like to think that we're ready to play USC," noted Bellotti even though he was sure that they weren't. Our fans could be the difference so if we lose I guess you know who to blame."

The Ducks will try to hold USC under 70 points in the Pac Ten opener next week at Autzen. USC was lucky enough to miss Oregon as they rang up two National Championships in a row. Many national commentators, drunk on Nike money, have proclaimed UO as a likely threat to beat SC this year. Other self proclaimed college football experts say that the Burnt Toast secondary will hand Matt Leinart his second Heisman trophy before the sun sets in the valley of despair in Eugene,

USC – 55, UO – 24
LA Story
Troy "Cubby" Wadsworth III

The USC Trojans took a page from the movie ‘Deliverance" and made Arkansas squeal like a pig as they dismantled them early and often in a stunning 70-17 wipe out at the venerable Los Angeles Coliseum. As a bonus they got some long desired revenge for Joe Ferguson and the Hogs epic upset of USC at Little Rock during Troy's 1974 National Championship season.

Editors Note: Beano Cook called and he wants his material back.

USC scored the first ten times they touched the ball in single play drives. Well, that is a bit of an exaggeration but it was as big a blow out as anything seen since the Hawaii game. Or the BCS Championship game where SC beat Oklahoma far worse than UCLA did.

Reggie Bush did score the first two times he touched the ball and Matt Leinart warmed up his arm for next week's big blow out with 381 yards and three touchdowns with a 67% completion rate. All those numbers should improve against the Duck's pass ‘defense'.

USC – 77, UO – 18

The UCLA Bruins actually beat up a Big 12 tough, avenging former Sooner linebacker and Seahawk doormat, Brian Bosworth's claim that they are powder blue pansies. The Oklahoma Sooners found a much tougher opponent than the last time they were in the Rose Bowl. This was no mediocre Dynasty they were facing, this is a UCLA squad that is Holiday Bowl bound and coming into their own under oft maligned Karl Dorrell.

Dorrell has recruited an impressive stable of blue chip players, many of whom had Washington second on their list. Good thing they picked UCLA as UW doesn't want highly ranked recruits anymore. UW wants discipline. UCLA seems to want to win again.

The Bruins get the week off to prepare for their annual win over the Huskies. Maurice Drew changed his name to Jones-Drew in the hopes that the Husky defense won't recognize him as they see his back on yet another long TD run.

The fans of Los Angeles are pleased to see their two NFL franchises doing so well. The Okies and the Arkies found yet another bushel of the grapes of wrath on their latest trip west.
The rest of the Pac: - Cal came back late to whip the inappropriately named Illini of IllinoisStanford lost to UC Davis…that is not a misprint…ASU crushed Northwestern and Purdue snuck by Arizona in a Pac 10 Big Ten desert double header not available on TV…but you could watch Central Florida play South FloridaOregon State got destroyed by Bobby Petrino's Louisville Sluggers…The Cards dealt 63 points to the Pac Ten's alleged second best defense…not much on tap next week other than the block busters at Eugene and Seattle

The Nation: -The Urban reclamation project at Florida took a huge step forward as the Gators beat the offenseless Tennessee team 16-7. Congrats to DFI friend Chuck Heater, who is Urban's recruiting coordinator…Danny Ainge missed a length of the court runner for the Volunteers ….wait, wrong Ainge….by the way, how can a team with Tennessee's offensive line, running backs and wide outs only score 7 points?. Add Phil Fulmer to the Lloyd Carr memorial less with more award… Miami beat Clemson in a three OT thriller to improve to 1-1 against the Bowdens this season…FSU welcomed Boston College to the ACC by beating them in Boston…Missouri got revenge on Troy State…Rose Bowl bound Vandy won again… a lot of teams have next week off so there aren't a lot of big games…the nation will have their eyes on Seattle…is that a good thing?...It's what we call an opportunity to change the image of our battered heroes… stay tuned and read all about it same bat time and same bat station.

Thanks for reading and thanks for all your generous help for the victims of Hurricane Katrina – Race

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