DUCKFIGHTER ILLUSTRATED

IN THIS ISSUE: Race Bannon steps down to fight criminal charges - Trojans win battle of the ages - Beavers shock Bears, Tedford reeling - BCS bound Bruins play one quarter - beat Wimps

Bannon Frog Marched out of DFI Headquarters
Joseph Wilson

"The Architect" of Duckfighter Illustrated, Race Bannon, was frog marched in disgrace from his luxurious office at the palatial DFI World Headquarters late Saturday afternoon.

Bannon is charged with sending in a profanity and obscenity laced issue of DFI to Dawgman.com.

"We're a family website," commented a relieved Dave "Dawgman" Samek as he put down his bottle of single malt scotch and calculated the massive savings now that Bannon's huge salary is off the books. "We can't run articles that would make Larry Flynt blush."

Bannon is also under investigation for the mysterious outing of Ty Willingham's wife as a covert CIA agent.

Sources reveal that Bannon is alleged to also be behind the forged memo that ended up at CBS News that purported to show that Todd Turner was AWOL in Texas when he was supposed to be conducting a coaching search that would restore the roar at Washington.

Local officials want to interview Bannon regarding the disappearance of staffer Mallard N. Moore, who was last seen running from DFI Headquarters, beaten and bleeding.

The various agencies took all the computers and documents so we are unable to run our game story from Eugene.

We regret any inconvenience this may cause our readers.
Shut up the Echoes
Troy "Cubby" Wadsworth III

Green jerseys, Joe Montana, a much improved coaching staff and 80,000 screaming fanatics were not enough to deny the USC Trojans their 27th straight win.

Even growing the turf to US Open rough specifications wasn't enough to stop Reggie Bush as he clinched the Heisman, unless Leinart did when he snuck over the goal line with the winning points. Or maybe it was Leinart's gutsy throw down the sideline on 4th down and 9 that set up the Men of Troy at the doorstep of immortality.

In an atmosphere that would have ruined any other team in America, America's Team stood tall at the end and led by their three Heisman candidates, scored as time ran out to beat the Irish, 34-31.

Pete Carroll noted that the days of easy wins over Notre Dame are over as the Trojans had to fight and scratch and claw all day long to avoid being run out of the stadium before their superior talent won the day.

Notre Dame was a glowing example of the type of progress one looks for when firing a coach and replacing them with a new coach. Weis had the Irish hold the ball and keep SC off the field as they wore down the Trojan defense. Even the Irish defense, which had not stopped a passing attack in three years, made life tough on the Trojans.

In fact, that wasn't the same team that was seen at Husky Stadium, let alone last year. The weekly progress without massive backward steps is encouraging to Irish fans. The players at Notre Dame have bought into the Weis system and it shows.

The Trojans are coming off of a 4 game stretch that would break mere mortals. After a steady diet of jam packed, hostile, and loud stadiums, Southern Cal has a bye week at exactly the right time.

Carroll plans to take the squad up north to Seattle for an exhibition against North Seattle Community College to get the reserves some playing time. This will be a good chance to rest the dinged up Leinart and get John David Josh Joe Bob Booty some playing time. Perhaps get in some fishing as well.

Prediction: Southern Cal – 63, N. Seattle CC – 0
In other LA news - The UCLA Bruins kept the dream of a LA battle of the unbeatens alive as they continued their habit of making the opponent look much better than they are before busting them up in the final minute. The Bruins spotted the WSU Wimps a large lead before getting off the bus to play the 4th quarter and win the game. Coogin' it will never go out of style at venerable Martin P. Vandal Stadium.

It now appears as if the Apple Cup will decide which horrible Washington team gets the one Pac 10 win allotted to the state this year. Yes Virginia, the state of Washington is headed to 1-15 in the Pac.

The Rest: - The reeling Cal Bears lost their second straight game as QB Joe A. Boob messed it up early and often… Tedford's job hangs in the balance…Cal has a big rebuilding project to fund… the Beavers were left for dead earlier this season but have bounced back nicely under Mike Reilly…the Stanford Giants moved to 2-1 in league as Walt Harris shows it isn't that hard to win on the Farm…look for Arizona to shock Oregon next week.

The Nation: - Alabama welcomes Tennessee as they try to remain unbeaten…Michigan scored on the games last play to break the heart of Penn State…Texas blew out Colorado and is Rose Bowl bound…we might borrow Barney's ripping off the decals idea…no names on the jersey, no W on the helmet and no heart inside the jersey…Minnesota botched a punt snap deep in their territory with mere seconds left and Wisconsin recovered for the winning points…even internet half brains would have taken a safety there…Glenn Mason was another coach Turner had his eye on….for God's sake, wake me up from this nightmare…Texas Tech hung 59 on K State and Mike Leach is the front runner for the job at Cal…can Tech outscore Texas this week?

- 20 years ago at Husky Stadium the biggest upset in college football history occurred when Oregon State beat UW as a 30 point underdog. A blocked punt for the ages allowed the Beavs to shock the world. In honor of the 20th anniversary (and because they missed the 11th anniversary) The Washington Huskies will be the largest underdog in college football history against USC.

And history will not repeat.

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