DUCKFIGHTER ILLUSTRATED

IN THIS ISSUE: - Vandy West falls to Beavers - Bruins are BCS bound no more - Ducks now thinking Fiesta - Bears in turmoil - Cougars keep hope alive for "perfect" Apple Cup - Trojans crush Giants

Fire everyone and bench the rest
Race Bannon

WARNING – DO NOT READ

The Vandy West Huskies welcomed the reeling OSU Beavers to Husky Stadium for a Homecoming match up beneath steel gray skies weeping profusely over the now dead and buried football program at Montlake.

This football team is an embarrassment to the fabulous Olympic Sports Program at Vandy West and school President Elmer Gantry is not pleased.

He called new athletic director Tiny Tim into his palatial office to discuss the direction of the team under recently hired after recently being fired head coach, Coach Willingham.

"God bless us each and every one" commented Tiny Tim as he struggled to put a good face on the mistake by the lake at Montlake. "As I commented in my Blog, I have never seen such wonderful teaching in all my years associated with big time football at Vandy East."

Coach Willingham has yet to see that teaching pay off as his untalented players continue to not execute the way that the million dollar coaching staff wants them too. That damn Rick Neuheisel still messing things up three years removed from his job here. Those malingering untalented players are messing up Coach Willingham's barely over .500 career record.

It's a crime I tell you. Even the savior, Johnny Durocher failed to bail out his coach as he played the second half of the Beaver game and actually looked worse than the struggling Isaiah Stanback who went under the bus for his coach and has a shattered confidence to show for it. We support Coach Willingham as fully as he supports Isaiah Stanback. They both have the same record, after all.

Husky fans now want to start a high school senior at quarterback next week. Might as well before he goes off to play baseball. I'm not allowed to talk about recruit Jake Locker, but tune into the Coach's show on Monday to hear Coach Willingham talk about him.

Now it is down to the desert and a match up with Mike "The Animal" Stoops, who is kind of a laughingstock but is also suddenly only the 8th worst coach in the Pac 10. Doba and Coach Willingham will settle 9 and 10 at the Apple Cup.

Arizona took the red shirt off of their hot shot quarterback Willie Tuitama, throwing the 2009 season into the brink, but getting a blow out win over UCLA in the process, 52-14! Did anyone think that we could have used some of the same thinking or even desperation up here?

No, just look for more of the same. As predicted right here, the final four games went from winnable to impossible match ups against Lombardi's Packers faster than you can say we don't have any talent for the 1,000,000th time.

Prediction: U of A – 70, UW – 0
Bellotti wins Spawn Battle
Mallard N. Moore

As Phil Knight quietly cancelled his late night dinner reservations with Jeff Tedford a beaming Mike Bellotti celebrated his huge win over Cal at Ernie Kent's place where a roaring party was going on.

Addressing the huge throng of two Duck beat reporters Bellotti took the occasion to point out his 3-1 record against the Jesus like Jeff Tedford, former head coach at Oregon.

"I think it is time to stop that nonsense if not to beat the living hell out of smart ass reporters who continue to give Tedford credit for our Fiesta Bowl year, when I am once again on the cusp of a Fiesta Bowl bid," screamed Bellotti as he pointed out Race Bannon to Duck Security Forces.

Meanwhile the reeling Bears fell to 6-3 on the season with a visit from USC next on tap. Rumors abound that a big announcement is slated to come out of Strawberry Canyon when the national media is assembled for the no longer big game against USC. It was originally to have been about a big donor for the long promised facilities upgrade at UC Berkeley. Now it may involve a trade with Washington for their integrity filled coach if UW will pick up the huge salary that Tedford wrangled out of UC last winter.

The Ducks and their two headed quarterback attack now look to wrap up the NW Cup over the next two weeks with games against WSU and OSU. It should be easy pickings for the new northwest power since the state of Washington dropped big time football and OSU can't win at Autzen.

Football AD Bill Moos has been vindicated for staying the course as scandal after scandal enveloped Oregon resulting in a major violation against Bellotti's crooked staff. The man knows what it takes to excel at this level.

Rich, cool and 8-1. Eat your heart out Husky fans.

Prediction: UO – 45, WSU – 24
Bruins are in ruins
Troy "Cubby" Wadsworth III

The secondary act in LA went down in flames to Willie T and the Wildcats at venerable Bear Down Stadium in Tucson. A full house was there due to an appearance by the UA basketball team.

This time there would be no late magic as the Cats struck early and often then unleashed a deadly defense to throttle the once again soft and maligned Bruins.

The best the other LA team can hope for now is another moral defeat to USC and a Holiday Bowl bid if UO gets the second BCS bid from the Pac.

The Trojans crushed Walt Harris's Giants with no trouble whatsoever. Next is a trip to the scene of the Trojan's last loss, 31 games ago at Berkeley.

This looked to be the game of the year before some boob ruined Tedford's string of great college quarterbacks. Rumors persist of a transfer by Johnny DuRocher to fill the gap. At any rate, America's Team is setting full sail for a Rose Bowl match up with Texas and Cal is but a speed bump along the way.

Prediction: USC – 39, CAL – 19
The Rest: - ASU held on to beat WSU helped by a controversial coaching decision by Bill Doba to take the tying points off the board…the players were too untalented to make up for the gaffe…Miami smoked Virginia Tech at Blacksburg, 27-7…if Vandy West ever gets good again remember the lesson is to not worry about the BCS when Miami is headed your way…play the damn games and worry about it when you're 11-0…Texas crushed vastly improved Baylor 62-0…Mizzou stumbled against CU giving Barney yet another Big 12 North title…another program that Neuheisel ruined…Bama hosts LSU next week to decide the SEC West…Vandy East lost to Florida in double overtime as they fall to 4-5 on their way to 4-7…Notre Dame smoked TennesseeSouth Carolina became bowl eligible with a win at Arkansas…Boise plays Fresno this week…TCU won the Mountain West and Air Force fell to 3-7…ouch…take heart Husky fans, it's almost golf season again!

Thanks for Reading!

Dawgman.com Top Stories