America's Team faces Eyes of Texas
Troy "Cubby" Wadsworth III
Reggie Bush had done his part in the 66 point whipping of the LA Junior Varsity and had picked up his Heisman Trophy in New York so he was enjoying the post season celebration at the Mezzaluna Restaurant in toney LA. As a stream of well wishers, hangers on and top agents filed by to pay their respects to the great back, Matt Leinart was sneaking out the back door with the recently separated Jessica Simpson, no relation to the infamous Heisman winner, what's his name, you know, it is really an uncomfortable subject so let's just drop it all right?
Matt Leinart joined Bush in New York along with young Vince Young, no relation to Neil, to sing back up at the ceremony. It was the least suspenseful election since Saddam got 99.9%of the vote in his last "free" election before his current stint at the gray bar hotel.
Still ahead for the Trojans is the Super Bowl of college football, an epic match up with the Texas Longhorns, unbeaten champs of the Big 12 conference. Texas crushed Colorado 70-3 in the Big 12 title game costing General Barney Barnett his job. Many people thought it was unfair that Barney only had 7 years to overcome the program killing stain of Rick Neuheisel. If only Barney had been able to get Babs to take the blame for his most recent dozen scandals the guy might have had a chance.
Boise State icon Dan Hawkins takes over at CU now.
But we digress. This article is about the game of the new century and the biggest match up since the Sooners and Huskers got it on back in 1971. Many expect the same type of fireworks from these two prolific offenses. The defenses should be a bit testy after reading that for weeks.
Last year the publisher of this magazine foolishly picked against America's Team and went with the Big 12 champ. That did not work out too well. It is a different team this time but the result should be the same, the Trojans speed and power will dazzle the Texans and leave them grabbing at air as Reggie runs by them and LenDale runs over them. Texas will score as well though, making it a better and more entertaining game than when the Sooners went into the tank in the 1st quarter.
The Three Pete becomes a reality and college football's greatest team becomes the greatest team in college football history. In an interesting bit of irony, Pete Carroll wins his third national championship to match the three Super Bowls won by New England since they fired Pete.
Prediction: USC – 42, Texas - 31
The Fiesta Bowl
Notre Dame (9-2) vs. Washington (9-2*)
In what can only be a shocking development, The University of Washington was chosen to play against the chosen team, Notre Dame, in the Fiesta Bowl.
"We felt bad for the other nine Pac Ten teams being forced to play in the same league as the greatest team in the history of organized sports." explained Sparky Sanderson, Fiesta Bowl Chairman, as he admired his loud plaid sports coat in the mirror at the back of the ballroom where the press conference was held.
"We wanted to give a second Pac 10 team a shot at a BCS bowl. Certainly Oregon was impressive with their 10-1 record, but when Washington became available and we had a chance to get a truly legendary football team to match up against Notre Dame, it was a half brainer." continued Sparky as he made a mental note to check on his off shore bank account to make sure the transfer was complete.
Our sources note that there is no way a great coach like Coach Willingham could have gone 2-9 this season so they have decided to ignore the surface, or record, and look below the surface and reward the coach for his great job at changing the culture at Washington.
Head coach Mike Bellotti will be offered his usual spot at halftime to complain about the lack of respect Oregon gets. Get that letter jacket to the dry cleaners, coach.
In all seriousness (something I have never said before, so of course I don't mean it), The Ohio State University will play the Fighting Irish, and will show Coach Charlie that Tyrone did a great job of recruiting, but not as good a job as Jim Tressel did.
Prediction: Ohio State – 24, Notre Dame – 21
The Oregon Ducks just completed a record tying 10-1 season good for second place and a minor bowl appearance against Big 12 also ran, Oklahoma. It just doesn't get any better than that for the mallard gang out of the Sacramento suburb of Eugene.
As is always the case whenever the Ducks play close to a border, like in San Diego, security will have to be tight to prevent defectors from leaving the team.
Head Coach Mike "Eastern Block" Bellotti will keep a close eye on Snoop Stewart to make sure he doesn't join other defectors in running back to the freedom and prosperity of the Republic of Washington, escaping the dreary Feather Curtain of despair in Oregon.
The Sooners beat Oregon last year, but have no quarterback this year and as such, will be easy pickings for the stack the box defense of Nick "is he still here" Alliotti. Oregon should keep alive their grand minor bowl tradition by beating another disinterested power coming off a down year.
Prediction: UO – 34, OU – 17
Las Vegas Bowl
Cal versus BYU
It is too bad that BYU grad Tom Homloe is not here to coach against his alma mater, but impatient Cal administrators did not give Tom time to get his own players and fired him only to bring in the Jesus like Jeff Tedford who has turned Cal into a perennial bowl team and early favorite for the Pac 10 title next year.
Cal has released the drawings for their facilities upgrade that will bring Cal into the 20th century by the mid 21st century. This is slightly ahead of the anticipated release of tentative plans for a possible renovation in Seattle someday of the football stadium but what is the rush?
Just to keep it close, Tedford will use a back up tackle at quarterback in an attempt to shore up the boobish play at the position that was seen this year.
Prediction: Cal – 45, BYU – 10
ASU plays Rutgers in the Insight Bowl. - Nothing to report here. Nothing to see. Just move along, people. Thank you, thank you. Jeez what a porker this game will be.
Other Bowls of interest: The Orange Bowl Sponsored by Geritol matches the two winningest and oldest coaches in the game today – Joe Pa and Bobby "Dadgummit" Bowden…Gary Pinkle and Mizzou get a shot at the Ol' Ball Coach and the other USC…And well, there are all the rest of them too. Watch them if you like.
News round up: - As Husky recruiting heats up and Coach Willingham goes about the business of remaking the roster, Duck negative recruiters are out in force wondering why Oregon's great record still won't get them any recruits…the Dawgs are mining the JCs to get some instant impact guys to speed the turnaround after angry Husky fans let it be known that going 2-9 is not acceptable no matter how much underground work you did…we applaud the effort and as always will be there with a recruiting spectacular once the last Benjamin Franklin passes hands around the country on LOI day…the Husky women's volley ball team won the National Championship and DFI salutes the fruit of the seeds planted by William Gerberding and the upper campus lo those many years ago...way to go Olympic Sports, we are glad that the football donors could be of assistance…we note that the volleyball team hired a coach who had won a national championship in the sport…what a concept…Todd did say that the volleyball team now sets the standard for Husky sports…tick tock Coach Willingham…in honor of our latest women's sports champion we close with a ditty:
Cost of a volleyball: 25 dollars
Cost of a volleyball net: 15 dollars
Cost of a volleyball program: 500 thousand dollars
Cost of the knees, ankles, blood, sweat and bodies of the football players who paid for it: Priceless.
Cost of the negligence of administrators to the football program: 3-19
Seriously, congrats to the VBers, national champions sound awful good. Way to go girls!
Thanks for Reading and to all a Merry Winter Holiday Christmas if it won't offend you – Ra
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