DUCKFIGHTER ILLUSTRATED

To our Readers - This special edition is all Huskies all the time. We will cover the lesser lights of the Pac Ten in our Fall Preview. That way we get to charge for two issues.

At Syracuse, August 31, 2007

Beneath the steel gray sky of the legendary Carrier Dome, the Jake Locker era got underway with a rousing win over Donovan McNabb and the Syracuse Orangemen. We apologize to any citrus fruit that may be offended by that nickname.

Even having alumni Bob Costas and Mike Tirico in the broadcast booth wasn't enough for the legendary journalism school to overcome the Montlake Mojo of Jake the Snake Locker who slithered his way through the Orange Crushed defense for 200 yards rushing and 300 yards passing.

After the game head coach Tyrone Willingham praised his student athletes for their grasp of the system that he has worked so hard to put in place. Athletic Director Todd Turner proposed forming a committee to praise the team for its big win.

UW – 34, SU – 17

Boise State, Husky Stadium, September 8, 2007

Undaunted by the daunting prospect of facing WAC power Boise State, the new look Huskies opened the home season on green turf and broke the visiting Broncos who soon realized they weren't playing Oklahoma anymore. A close to sell out crowd of 47,000 fans welcomed the Dawgs, and they were not disappointed.

Smilin' Carl Bonnell took over for a dinged up Jake Locker and led a 99 yard drive with 30 seconds left, capped off by a trick play two point conversion with no time on the clock that provided the winning margin.

After the game head coach Tyrone Willingham praised his student athletes for their grasp of the system that he has worked so hard to put in place. Athletic Director Todd Turner proposed forming a committee to praise the team for its big win.

UW – 32, BSU – 31

Ohio State University, the, Husky Stadium, September 15, 2007

Jim Tressel heralded the return of the sweater vest to Husky Stadium, as he brought his perennially over rated Buckeyes to Seattle for a little intersectional dust up with the now 24th ranked Huskies.

Taking a page from the Florida Gators, the Huskies lined up their sprinters on the D line and mercilessly hounded the green Buck QB into 9 interceptions. However, OSU did manage to run for 7 TDs against Kent "Teddy" Baer's unbalanced defense.

Rookie Ronnie Fouch took over for a dinged up Carl Bonnell and threw for 8 TDs in as impressive a debut as ever seen in college football.

After the game head coach Tyrone Willingham praised his student athletes for their grasp of the system that he has worked so hard to put in place. Athletic Director Todd Turner proposed forming a committee to praise the team for its big win.

UW – 56, OSU – 49

At UCLA, The Rose Bowl, September 22, 2007

An historic coaching match up becomes business as usual as Willingham and Dorrell meet for the third time as head coaches. Both were feeling the heat as the season started, but a 3-0 start for the now 15th ranked Huskies has fans singing the praises of Tyrone, all the while heating the tar and readying the feathers for your humble correspondent. Dorrell was hoping to build on the shocking upset of USC last year, but the reeling Bruins have not won a game since.

Jake Locker took over for a dinged up Ronnie Fouch and led the Huskies to a rare easy win over the Bruins. The fast improving Husky attack looked like it might be making a second trip to Pasadena this season. Kent Baer loaded up the defense to stop the run and the Dawg D held UCLA to 20 yards rushing. The Bruins did manage to throw for 5 TDs.

After the game head coach Tyrone Willingham praised his student athletes for their grasp of the system that he has worked so hard to put in place. Athletic Director Todd Turner proposed forming a committee to praise the team for its big win.

UW – 48, UCLA – 35

USC, Husky Stadium, September 29, 2007

Pete Carroll brought his dissension racked, top ranked Trojan squad to Seattle to face the unbeaten and 10th ranked Huskies in an early season clash of the titans.

Reports out of LA say that the parents of John David Joe Bob Booty are not happy with the housing allowance provided by helpful boosters, er, real estate agents. No, not that kind of agent! Real estate agents. Really.

So far that had not affected the play of the Men of Troy, although the 17 prep All-American running backs were also fighting over playing time and carries. Carroll petitioned the NCAA to allow three footballs to be used at once, but it was to no avail.

The game was an instant classic that wasn't decided until Jake Locker turned the Trojan water into wine along the sideline and the drunken Trojan players allowed a late 99 yard TD run by Locker to seal the win.

After the game head coach Tyrone Willingham praised his student athletes for their grasp of the system that he has worked so hard to put in place. Athletic Director Todd Turner proposed forming a committee to praise the team for its big win.

UW – 17, USC – 13

At Arizona State, October 13, 2007

The unbeaten, third ranked Huskies hit the road again for a nighttime tussle with the annually disappointing Sun Devils of ASU. New coach Dennis Erickson denied rumors that he was interested in coaching anywhere other than ASU. That was on Wednesday. By game time ASU was being coached by the new interim hire, Keith Gilbertson. Erickson was in Baltimore being introduced as the new head coach of the Ravens.

Marcel Reece took an end around 99 yards for a late TD to lead the Huskies to their 6th straight win. Jake Locker was last seen wandering off into the desert for a 40 day fast. Gilby grumbled that the Huskies made his Sun Devils look like midgets.

After the game head coach Tyrone Willingham praised his student athletes for their grasp of the system that he has worked so hard to put in place. Athletic Director Todd Turner proposed forming a committee to praise the team for its big win.

UW – 7, ASU – 0

Oregon, Husky Stadium, October20, 2007

A jam packed Husky Stadium welcomed back the 30,000 fans that had been missing and busy ushers reminded them where their seats were.

Husky Stadium also welcomed back the trailer trash known as the Oregon Ducks for the first time since 1959. Map Quest crashed as Duck fans tried to get directions to Husky Stadium. We apologize to any trailer trash that is offended by that nickname. The little knot of green and yellow clad fans huddled in the end zone and spent the evening cursing former AD, Bill Moos, for allowing the Huskies to host this game.

This was the first game televised on the new NIKE Network, as Phil the Shill Knight wanted the nation to see his beloved Ducks beat up on the hated Huskies. After the game a livid Phil Knight flew to Berkeley with a brief case full of cash for Jeff Tedford.

The Huskies put a hurting on the Ducks led by freshman sensation Curtis Shaw, who rushed for 400 yards and 6 TDs. UO star Jonathon Stewart tweaked his hammy getting on the team bus and did not play. Kent Baer finally figured out the complex Oregon offense by defending both the run and the pass at the same time.

After the game head coach Tyrone Willingham praised his student athletes for their grasp of the system that he has worked so hard to put in place. Athletic Director Todd Turner proposed forming a committee to praise the team for its big win.

UW – 66, UO – 0

Arizona, Husky Stadium, October 27, 2007

The big win over Oregon was enough to propel the Huskies to the number 1 slot in the BCS poll. They faced fellow unbeaten, Arizona. Mike Stoops was keyed up for the game telling reporters – "&*&*()&^%$$$#@!*((+_(()(^%$#$#@%@"

The Huskies won the game on special teams as D'Andre Goodwin returned 5 punts for touchdowns and kept the Wildcats pinned all day in their own end with top notch punting.

Jake Locker healed the sick at halftime.

After the game head coach Tyrone Willingham praised his student athletes for their grasp of the system that he has worked so hard to put in place. Athletic Director Todd Turner proposed forming a committee to praise the team for its big win.

UW – 42, UA – 24

At Stanford, November 3, 2007

The top ranked Huskies had payback on their mind as they headed to Palo Alto to face head coach Tiger Woods' Cardinal squad. Stanford is playing in their brand new stadium that they built over a couple of weekends. It is amazing what you can do when you are serious about something.

Woods heeded the call of his alma mater to coach them when Jim Harbaugh was fired after a 140-0 loss to USC.

This was a bitter battle that went to the wire. The two evenly matched teams traded blows all day and the game wasn't won until Jake Locker led a three play 99 yard drive in 7 seconds to get the win. Locker then walked across San Francisco Bay for fun.

After the game head coach Tyrone Willingham praised his student athletes for their grasp of the system that he has worked so hard to put in place. Athletic Director Todd Turner proposed forming a committee to praise the team for its big win.

UW – 27, Stanford 24

At Oregon State, November 10, 2007

This is a really long season as writer's cramp threatens to derail the Huskies run to the National Title. The Huskies went to Corvallis to face a trap game against the eager Beavers. Fortunately, OSU is a baseball school, and posed no problem for the Willingham Express. The Dawgs snapped a rare three game losing streak to the Black Bandits of Benton County.

After the game head coach Tyrone Willingham praised his student athletes for their grasp of the system that he has worked so hard to put in place. Athletic Director Todd Turner proposed forming a committee to praise the team for its big win.

UW – 55, OSU – 0

California, Husky Stadium, November 17, 2007
AKA the Game of the Century, Part Deux

A freezing, horizontal rain whipped by gale force winds greeted legendary Bear coach Jeff Tedford and his unbeaten Bears to Husky Stadium. The Bears had taken over the top spot from the Huskies the week before based on their big win over USC. The Huskies vowed revenge on Cal for 5 straight losses and for taking their #1 ranking. The Bears vowed revenge for the Huskies ruining their dream 1991 season and keeping the Bears Rose Bowless since 1958.

Tedford and Locker compared notes on being a Supreme Being before the game.

The teams were hampered by the weather all day and spent the game turning the ball over to each other at mid field. A sudden blizzard dropped ten inches of snow at halftime.

The game wasn't decided until Erik Folk nailed a 67-yard field goal as time expired. Michael who?

After the game head coach Tyrone Willingham praised his student athletes for their grasp of the system that he has worked so hard to put in place. Athletic Director Todd Turner proposed forming a committee to praise the team for its big win.

UW – 3, Cal – 0

Once again ranked #1, the Huskies wrapped up the Pac 10 title with their annual Apple cup rout of winless WSU, 78-4.

After the game head coach Tyrone Willingham praised his student athletes for their grasp of the system that he has worked so hard to put in place. Athletic Director Todd Turner proposed forming a committee to praise the team for its big win.

At Hawaii, December 1, 2007

This was a game that many non-believers thought would be the bowl game for the season. Instead it was the last chance to knock the Huskies out of the BCS Championship. The fired up Rainbow Warriors gave it their best shot but fell short as Jake Locker led a late 99 yard etc. and etc.

We apologize to any Rainbow Warriors offended by the nickname.

After the game head coach Tyrone Willingham praised his student athletes for their grasp of the system that he has worked so hard to put in place. Athletic Director Todd Turner proposed forming a committee to praise the team for its big win.

Race Bannon was taken to the county line and told never to come back. The DFI World Headquarters were turned into a wetlands preservation society.

The ever-gracious Tyrone Willingham noted, "Who the heck is Race Bannon?"

BCS Championship

Unfortunately the BCS Championship game conflicted with Spring Exams for the Husky Student Athletes and UW was forced to decline the offer to play in the games.

"We've got to find a way to get that game played before April," stated Todd Turner. "We simply will not compromise the educational needs of our athletes for a mythical championship. We would not be very good primary care givers if we did."

Coach Willingham was leading the Masters and was unavailable for comment.

All was not lost however, as the dream season allowed Turner to revive several committees and get the Stadium remodel back on the back burner and on schedule for completion in 2047.

UW – 33, UH – 7

They hate themselves for loving me – Race Bannon

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