DUCKFIGHTER ILLUSTRATED

IN THIS ISSUE: Buckeyes gang up on Locker - Bruins caught looking ahead to Dawgs - Trojans eliminate any doubt - Ducks survive gritty Fresno - Michigan finally beats D1AA team.

All I saw was Crimson?
Race Bannon

The Ohio State Buckeyes beat Jake Locker and lived to tell about it. Are the Buckeyes the greatest defense on the planet or in the galaxy? The Buckeyes could not stop Locker, but they were indeed able to contain him.

The Husky superstar, working without much of a supporting cast, dazzled the Midwestern visitors between the 20's, but in the reduced space of the red zone, the superior talent and coaching of the Buck defense was able to confuse our young apprentice in only his third career start.

There is perhaps only one defense left on the schedule that will be as talented as the Buckeyes. Rest assured that Jake will use his super learning skills to collate all the information that was force fed to him by the Buck all Americans. Lesser defenses are in even more trouble now that Jake has had this advanced course.

However, the vaunted offensive genius of our own Tim Lappano has to do better than 7 points in the last 6 quarters of play. Whether it was 5th year senior Isaiah Stanback or rookie Jake Locker, the Husky offense has been the quarterback or bust with bust leading by a large margin. As our gritty defense could tell you as they were ground down by the relentless Buckeye rushing attack, sometimes the best defense is a good offense.

There is no time to hang our heads though, as the nattily attired Bruins of UCLA are next on the schedule. The Huskies have won a lot of games in Pasadena against the Big 10, but have struggled to beat the Bruins there. The Bruins added to the intrigue by performing one of their patented face plants, losing 44-6 to Utah. Yes, the same Utah that was run over by Oregon State who was run over by Cincinnati and well, comparative scores never did work out that well.

Embattled has now become Coach Karl Dorrell's first name. The Bruins beat USC last year, but are 2-2 since, 2-1 this year in which they were expected to contend for the Pac 10 and beyond. Getting blown out at Utah was not on the goal list for the season.

This complicates matters for our own Montlake side, who were installed as ten point underdogs to the baffling Bruins. The Huskies won't be sneaking up on UCLA, and the Dawgs can expect the Pac 10's Sybil to come out playing hard. UCLA has more talent but the Huskies may have more heart and if they can suck the life out of the Bruins early, they can come away with a win.

Scratch that. In this series, getting the early lead is the kiss of death. Let the Bruins build up a lead, then come back and break their tiny hearts.

PREDICTION: UW 24, UCLA 22
Any Questions?
Troy "Cubby" Wadsworth III

The well paid Trojans paid a visit to America's Heartland and showed why they remain America's Team as they ran over the Nebraska Cornhuskers, 49-31. The game was not even that close as the Husker fans saw the greatest display in their stadium by a visitor since the 1991 Huskies ran roughshod over the Huskers.

7th String tailback Stafon Johnson led the ground parade and John David Booty took the night off, as the Trojans were content to run and run some more.

"We really wanted to pound them and thanks to my brilliance as a coach we were able to do that," commented Pete Carroll modestly as he looked forward to dropping some more F bombs on Mike Bellotti in a few weeks. "Everything is coming together just as I have foreseen. It looks like Les Miles will still be trying harder as #2 this week."

The Dark Lord of South Central now turns his evil eye on the sod-busting visitors from Washington State. The Cougars are thrilled to be the guest stars on the Trojans prime time Saturday night show on ABC. This is the second of three shows in a row for the camera friendly Trojans. NBC executives are said to be quietly exploring a way to get out of their contract with the ratings bust of a reality show – ‘Flip This Dome'.

"We should have signed up the Trojans," whined Scooter "Skippy" Meetingmonger, a NBC executive about to be fired for signing Notre Dame instead of USC. "I mean, I think they play somewhere around here."

The Bruins have been relegated to late night cable for their next game.

The Trojans are the Tiger Woods of college football. When they bring their A game, no one has a chance.

PREDICTION: USC 56, WSU 10
Ducks crush Raisins
Mallard N. Moore

Pat Hill and his Fresno State Raisins will play anyone anywhere and lose 99% of those games while they are at it. Last Saturday it was more of the same as the plucky Ducks scored early and often while hanging 50 on the valley visitors.

In honor of Jonathon Stewart's big day, there will be no smart remarks about his hamstring.

Dennis Dixon showed what a 5th year senior baseball prospect can do in the exciting spread option offense that always works great against weak non league opposition before the Ducks fade away down the stretch when playing good Pac 10 teams.

The Duck defense still has a long way to go if they hope to hold Jake Locker under half a hundred points.

Next up for the fast starting Mallard 11 is the Stanford Cardinal, fresh off a rare win over San Jose State. This league opener is a road game and Oregon appears to be out of Stanford's league.

PREDICTION: UO 54, Stanford – lots of minor sports national championships

The Rest: Pac 10 play gets underway this week…Cal gets the reeling Arizona squad who lost to New Mexico…Mike Stoops has left a lot of talent there for his successor…Dennis Erickson denied any interest in the Wildcat job…Erickson's Sun Devils host Oregon State, one of Erickson's many ex-teams. It's amazing he's avoided nasty custody battles so far…this is a key early game in the battle for second place in the Pac…Florida crushed Tennessee as Tim Tebow enjoyed being surrounded by all that talent that Chuck Heater has recruited there…I miss Chuck...Auburn lost again…LSU beat Middle Nowhere State…Oklahoma beat Utah State…Bama held on to beat Arkansas as Nick Saban denied interest in the Notre Dame job…Michigan got by Notre Dame in another classic in that series…Rich Brooks led Kentucky over Louisville in his biggest win since 1994 when he invented football at Oregon…the Wildcats are thinking Rose Bowl…nah, they're thinking about basketball.

As always, thanks for reading! – Race

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