In This Issue: Well-paid Trojans due for pay cut, Northwest teams go 0-fer, Ducks kill themselves in the foot, Beavers kill themselves in the foot, Trojans try to kill themselves in the foot.

Huskies look gift horse in mouth
Race Bannon

The well paid Trojans of USC came into Seattle for a nationally televised prime time match up and proceeded to shower the Huskies with gifts all night long. They are such nice visitors, these Trojan lads. They left with a moral defeat and a drop in the national polls to number 2. It's like Les Miles said, USC only has to beat patsies like UW and Cal and UCLA.

Sometimes a patsy becomes a pastry that leads to indigestion. The Trojans nearly needed the Heimlich maneuver to get out of Seattle alive.

The Trojans gave up only 190 yards to the Huskies and penalized themselves for 166 yards, effectively negating their own 460 yards of offense. It all added up to a prime opportunity for the Huskies to leave the moral victories behind for a real big actual victory. Toss in three USC turnovers and the "what ifs" - pour more salt on the gaping wound of the Husky Nation's battered psyche.

It was the three turnovers of their own that ultimately doomed the Huskies upset bid Saturday night at a cold and rainy Husky Stadium. The last one hurt the most as a fumbled punt return with the Huskies trailing by 7 late in the game did not allow a last attempt for glory.

"Some parents are going to get a downgrade of their housing allowance if this type of sloppy performance continues," fumed Pete Carroll as he cancelled the post-game golden handshake from Trojan boosters.

John David Booty, who will once again cost USC the National Championship gave the Huskies 14 points on his own.

Jake Locker was beaten and abused by the SC defense but the young warrior stayed in the game and showed the toughness that is required to compete at the highest level. USC was clearly gunning for Jake and while they did shut the Huskies down, the Purple and the Gold do deserve credit for going toe to toe with SC just like Husky teams of the past.

DFI does not bemoan the physical style of Trojan defense that walks the razor edge between hard-nosed and a bit dirty. DFI misses seeing Husky teams play that way.

The team now needs to show that they can continue to bring it every week and that they can turn moral victories into enough actual victories to get to that all important bowl game. We know they can get up for USC. Can they show the determination to break this three game losing string and get back on track?

A well-placed bye week is next up for the Huskies.

"We intend to execute our plan to work on our execution as we execute our bye week and prepare to practice our execution so we can execute when we need to execute," explained Coach Willingham.

When asked about his team's execution, Tampa Bay coach John McKay stated that he was in favor of it.

Enough of this talk of executions. DFI is in favor of getting our fine young student athletes off of death row and into the winner circle.
Replay officials let Oregon down
Mallard N. Moore

"What the [expletive deleted] is going on around here you [expletive deleted] morons," screamed Phil Knight as he swung a baseball bat at the head of Oregon's new AD, Pat Kilkenny.

Kilkenny, who had been warned by former AD, Bill Moos, deftly ducked the bat and ran from the room hoping that the mercurial Knight would calm down.

"I pay good money for replay officials and when I need them they better be there," continued Knight as he fumed over the call that cost Oregon the battle for 2nd place in the Pac 10.

"Where's that over rated underachieving Bellotti? Is it going to take 200 million more dollars to win something around here?"

Bellotti had questions of his own as Jeff Tedford, that rat bastard, continued to make his life miserable by over shadowing his over rated mediocre program.

"People say that my only success here was due to Tedford instead of crediting my own genius as a coach. How can they not realize that it is all me? Me, I tell you - ALL ME!! I did it….." sobbed a broken Bellotti as he was dragged away in a straight jacket to Shady Oaks for a little R & R.

The play in question that decided the exciting match up was on Oregon's FOURTH turnover of the 4th quarter. Who says that the Ducks always fade? Who would dare call them soft? Who predicted that after their usual frenetic start the Ducks would end up losing to Cal?

As the Ducks were going in for the tying touchdown the fine young student athlete fumbled the ball through the endzone in a move that had Tim Donaghy shaking his head in disbelief. The call went to the replay booth so it could be reversed and the Ducks could stay in the game.

Our special investigative reporters have learned that the reason the play stood as called was because the Duck Replay Team had already boarded a jet to Seattle so they could over turn a late interception that would have given UW a chance to beat USC.

Knight was beaten by his own game.

"I think it is clear who was responsible for that Fiesta Bowl win," commented Jeff Tedford as he battled tree sitters who were living in his back yard.

"I have nothing but respect for the Oregon program and all their fancy facilities that have made them so soft and so unable to complete games or seasons and I would never say a bad word about them."

Tedford then turned his super brain to the Beavers trip to Berkeley for the next game.

Oregon gets a bye week before another bye against WSU the following week.
The Rest: Oregon State led the nattily attired Bruins 14 –12 in the 4th quarter and managed to lose 40-14…another strong finishing team from the late state of Oregon…the Bruins will guest host USC's ABC prime time gig as they welcome the winless Notre Dame squad to Los Angeles…the Trojans host StanfordArizona crushed WSU…water is wet…ASU crushed Stanford…the sky is blue…Erickson's kids have a bye at WSU before they welcome the Huskies to the desert …ASU is 5-0…Auburn beat Florida at the Swamp…Dan Hawkins got his signature win as the Buffs came from behind to shock OklahomaTexas fell to KSU…it was upset Saturday taking the shine off a big weekend upcoming…OU v Texas…Florida v LSU among others.

Thanks for Reading! – Race Top Stories