DUCKFIGHTER ILLUSTRATED

In This Issue: DFI announces suspension of publication - We want to be like Oregon, not fight them - Huskies try hard, lose again - Cal gets run over by a moped

Duck Emulator Illustrated says good bye!
Race Bannon

Director Turner's pronouncement that we now aspire to be like Oregon caused our Board of Directors to re evaluate our mission statement at DFI World Publishing, Inc.

"Why should we fight those who we want to be?" asked Bill Gates, our board director.

"Fighting Oregon is so yesterday, we need to be cutting edge and be like them, not fight them," agreed board lap dog and yes man Terrance Turner.

Turner is no relation to the legendary Husky AD who is ready to roll on the big rebuild of Husky Football after spending three years analyzing the situation and coming to the conclusion that Husky Football was the worst program in the recorded history of the world.

Todd Turner was also caught by surprise at how good the Pac 10 conference is.

Todd Turner was caught by surprise at how bad Husky Football was.

Todd Turner was caught by surprise at how hard it would be to rebuild this program.

Todd Turner was caught by surprise at how badly Husky fans would accept the new mandate to be like Oregon.

Todd Turner was caught by surprise at how many times he was caught by surprise.

DFI thanks President Mark Emmert for his home run hire of the well connected Todd Turner, a self proclaimed 30 year insider of college football, when he isn't busy being caught by surprise at basic college football insider type knowledge.

It was a long week for the Husky football program, what with the need to attack and marginalize the lunatic fringe internet half brains that have failed to see the glory of the progress being made on Montlake.

The old media circled the wagons for an all out assault on fans that dare to criticize the fine work being done at Washington. The old media showed once again why they have become irrelevant, clinging to their hopes of profit by sucking up to those in power.

Wouldn't want to rush things, now, would we?

Ty asked for "his bullets" in the weakest line since John Kerry asked – is this where I get me a huntin' license?

Sorry coach, nobody gives you bullets. Over these last three recruiting classes of yours is where you find the bullets that you say you need. Or in this 4th class you are working on. The only bullet that is given to a coach is a metaphorical one when he is fired for failing to win football games.

DFI can longer enable this mess by trying to be entertaining as loss after loss mounts up. Let the old media slop up the excuses like a wino fresh out of rehab. Tough schedule, bad players, poor execution, Rick Neuheisel and all the rest are no excuse for a third straight losing season.

Yes, our beloved Dawgs can still get to a bowl, but maybe they need the added incentive of starting to win just as we give up all hope with 6 games left. So be it. I have lost faith in those that have hijacked our program and left it in shambles as they repeat their tired excuses.

So far the brilliant fundraising effort for the new Stadium is equal to, oh, ZERO dollars as far as I can tell. Very much the same as an upgrade on a Volkswagon costs. Emmert has become invisible in regards to sport, which is fine for a University President, but not fine since he went out of his way to promise us something that he has miserably failed to deliver – a winning football team.

Dawgman.com is the finest web site in the world and they do not deserve to be dragged down by the vindictive and small-minded, just because they print the ravings of yours truly. We appreciate the years we have spent here, but our new mission is to rouse the rabble to action, and we feel it is only right to do it under our own banner and take the heat for our actions ourselves.

In the year of the upset in college football, the powers that be and their lap dog old media calmly accept loss after loss by the Huskies, topped off by an all time blow up of our defense by our former rival, Oregon. If only Jim Lambright could have coached when 3 straight losses to UO were celebrated, not scorned.

It is actually 4, but no matter.

So it is on to the alleged weak part of the schedule and that bowl is still in reach. We can go 5-1.

I just wish this jaded hack could still convince myself that it will happen. The joy has been sucked out of Mudville.

Mr. Emmert – TEAR DOWN THIS WALL! Give us back our football program. Enough is enough.
The Rest: - The reeling Cal Bears travel to top 5 ASU in a big game…look for Erickson to make it 8-0…USC visits our friends at Oregon...Normally that is an easy pick for USC, but we must hope that those we emulate can win this one…the ducks at home are the pick…wouldn't a NC for UO be great, I mean, that is who we are trying to emulate now, right?…Bama swamped UT and Vandy East shocked the other USC…Ohio State rolls on.

I would like to personally thank each and every reader over the years for all of your good humor and highly valued input. May our Dawgs be freed from this pit of ineptitude very soon. See you in the funny pages – Race

Dawgman.com Top Stories