<b>IN THIS ISSUE:</b><ul> <li>Duck comeback falls short</li> <li>Huskies? Anyone seen the Huskies?</li> <li>Cougs now in total control – just like Holmgren</li> <li>Beavers back on winning track</li> </ul>

We just aren‘t a good football team right now – Winston Churchill
The only thing we have to fear is Saturday – FDR
Ask not what the Huskies can do for you – ask who gets fired first – JFK
We will fight them on the beaches, but not the football field – Winston Churchill

Huskies look for the fire
Race Bannon

The Washington Huskies went down to defeat again this Saturday evening past, as the league leading Sun Devils of ASU unleashed a fiercesome pass rush, and destroyed what had been the bright spot on the squad – the offensive line's pass blocking.

The defense actually looked to be improving. Nate Robinson and Marquis Cooper are two of the young men who will lead this defense now and in the future. I have never seen Cooper take a play off, and Nate brings the brashness and attitude presently missing at Montlake.

The Devils had a superior plan, and executed it in a superior manner. Terrell Suggs was a nightmare, and Andrew Walter, although held to almost 350 fewer yards than he managed against Oregon, coolly directed the Devils on several short field drives. Two special teams gaffes really did the Dawgs in, and helped the Devils bury them in the desert. Rick Neuheisel is now 0-2 this year against Bellotti Spawn, as Tedford's Bears also beat him this year, but Rick still has a chance to knock off the teacher in a few weeks.

There are four games left this year, for those who thought that not only this year was over, but next year as well. Some have stated that we have lost every game until 2007. Is it just me, or is that a tad bit defeatist?

It is time to rally the troops and save the season. Excuse me if I said that last week, or the week before, or the week before that. It is. Let's not worry about winning the national championship next year, talk that started before this season began. Let us play this season, starting with what should be a grudge match against UCLA and their WWE linebacking corp. If ever our offensive line wanted to step up and kick someone's butt all over the field, this would be the time.
Halftime adjustments spark Duck comeback bid
Mallard N. Moore

An ecstatic Mike Bellotti gushed praise over the never say die spirit of his football team, after a stirring 4th quarter comeback fell just short, as the Ducks dropped their second game in a row at newly remodeled Autzen Arena.

Blossom Butterfly, a Eugene specialist in Feng Sheu, has been called in for consultation on why that old Duck magic isn't working in the new digs. It is either that the new rows block the sun to an ancient Native American burial ground, or, the old port-a-potties acted as a signpost for friendly spirits, who have now lost their way. Any way you add it up, Autzen has lost it's magic.

The Ducks entered halftime with a 19-14 lead, thanks to a carefully crafted game plan of lulling the Trojans to death with field goals. At this point, the wily Bellotti upped the ante and decided to allow USC to score 27 unanswered points, while rolling up a 279-9 yardage advantage in the third quarter and taking a 44-19 lead. Bellotti knew that USC would be forced to put in the deep reserves, thus allowing his Ducks a thrilling comeback. It just missed. Schoolyard legend Jason Fife heated up in a hurry, but some fans say one more outing like that, and its back to the schoolyard for Jason.

Bellotti insists that he has no plans to stop the coaching exchange with the Husky defensive staff. "We have gained valuable information," commented Bellotti, after his 5th Scotch, "and stealing their cornerback recruits has really paid off!" The Ducks are now officially last in the nation in pass defense, and are lamenting Sam Cunningham's decision to head north to Washington. He would be a major improvement over the speedy but woefully overmatched Marquis Binns.
Near "Coog-It" event in desert
Rob Bobertson

The Washington State Cougars failed to rout Arizona as promised in these pages, but rode the strength of a three run homer for a 5-3 lead, then held on to beat the previously mild Wildcats of Arizona.

The Cougars are now a lock for the Rose Bowl. Book it. Poop Island never smelled so good.
The Week Ahead:
Race Bannon

Another week, another clash of the titans in the Pac 10. WSU is home to face ASU in a battle for first place, and the inside track to the Roses. Jason Gesser will do a much better job of avoiding the Sun Devil pass rush, and the Cougars will stake their claim to #1. Sun worshippers have never faired well in Pullman. Come to think of it, has anything? Anyway, look for the Cougars to take sole possession of first place in the Pac-10. Wow.

WSU – 24, ASU – 14

UCLA comes to Husky Stadium in a battle for the Las Vegas Bowl. The Bruising Bruins beat up the Huskies last year in LA, then took the rest of the season off. UCLA has only lost to Colorado and Oregon, and is that a pair of jokers or what? OK, they lost to Cal as well, but it didn't fit the theme. Look for the struggles to continue, as panic reaches new crescendos of terror. And look to us for news to brighten your day!

UCLA – 15, UW – 14

A cocky Stanford team prepares to face their decade long female dog, the Oregon Ducks. Kyle Matter, rookie Card QB, last seen looking for his teeth on the UCLA home field, looks to get healthy against the nation's worst pass defense. Halftime adjustments will be key here, as Stanford needs to stay within 28 points to have a chance for the second half magic to continue at Autzen.

Stanford – 48, UO – 47

RIP Northwest "Domination"
The Huskies and Ducks joined the Beavers on the sidelines of the league race, as the "dominating" northwest is down to the WSU Cougars to fly the flag. I'll bet you didn't know we even had a flag, did you? The Northwest battles will be for pride only, except for WSU, who will be peeing their pants when the Husky squad pays a visit to Pullman. They know, you know, and the American people know that UW will win the Apple Cup this year.

And Finally . . . . Duckfighter Illustrated extends a vote of confidence to Rick Neuheisel, now in his third year of home confinement………Notre Dame is for real…….As evidence, bandwagon fans are showing up here at to revel in our sorrows……FSU has three losses for the second year in a row, dadgummit…….Ken Dorothy wrapped up the Heisman, as 0 Smith was held under 100 yards by the Troy defense………WE'RE COMING BACK THIS WEEK AND WE'RE GOING TO WIN THE G@!%^#$% GAME. DO YOU HEAR ME??!!!?!?!?!?!?

Thank for Reading! - Race
Race Bannon can be reached at Top Stories