<b>IN THIS ISSUE:</b><ul> <li>Ducks: All hat, no cattle<br> <li>Beavers: Play does not equal talk<br> <li>Fighting Cougars: Masters of the universe<br> <li>Huskies: Defense saves the day (No: That is not a misprint)</ul>

Huskies pick Beaver carcass clean
Race Bannon

Derrick Johnson, Chris Massey, Ben Mahdavi, and freshmen sensation Nate Robinson combined for five interceptions to lead the beleaguered Washington Huskies to an exciting win at Husky Stadium Saturday.

The four players mentioned in our lead all play for the Husky defense. This is believed to be a record for defenders mentioned in one issue, and is a sign of a developing trend at Montlake. While we always remember the depth of the hole that our defense is digging itself out of, the clear improvement from week to week continues.

Steven Jackson, the best back in the Pac, was finally corralled enough to put the game in the hands of young Derrick "Jed Clampett" Anderson, who turned into a veritable oil gusher for the Husky defensive backfield. The Husky offense was asked not to lose the game, and obliged by turning in their first turnover free game of the season, against an impressive OSU defense.

The Beavers continued their battle with the Ducks for the lead in personal fouls on the season. The fast talking Oregonians kept a key Husky drive alive with not one, but count ‘em, two personal fouls. As far as we know Richard Siegler is still talking as this issue goes to print.

Who knows what he's saying, though.

By winning their Northwest Cup opener, the Huskies assure themselves of no worse than a third place finish in the tourney. Next up is a long time patsy, the Oregon Ducks.
Cougs clinch Rose Bowl, Dream of Doritos
Rob Bobertson

The Fighting Cougars of Washington State shot down the low flying Ducks at Martin Vandal Stadium Saturday. With the win the Cougars clinched the Rose Bowl and now have a shot at the National Championship.

The Palouse Cats played with the mouse-like UO secondary as if they were but a catnip toy. After Jason Gesser spotted the Ducks a lead with two bonehead turnovers, the Cougs came roaring back with two 4th quarter money drives. The search for the UO offense is still ongoing, but rumor has it that Onterrio Smith was spotted at a Yamhill County Bob's Big Boy. Smith will likely fall short of the 2,000 yards he promised this season, but he knows where to find a good burger. Keith Lewis remains in the Pullman burn ward, along with his secondary mates.

The Cougars snapped a four game losing streak to their big rivals from Eugene, and brought the overall series back to within one game between these two long time Northwest have nots. Next up for WSU is a mail it in win over the Huskies…'hic'. That's the team from Seattle, right?
Bellotti fights to keep his job
Mallard N. Moore

As the season for the Oregon Ducks continues to swirl down the drain, Oregon coach Mike Bellotti is fending off critics for the first time since his back-to-back 3-5 league seasons. The undisciplined, smack-talking Ducks got their tail feathers kicked for the third time in four games. They lead the world in stupid personal fouls. Perhaps they should have tried a billboard in Pullman?

And once again the halftime adjustments by the Great One led to two yards of offense in the third quarter. If not for the benevolent play of Jason Gesser and the slippery hands of the Cougar receivers, this one would have been really ugly. Gesser had more Oregon touchdown assists than schoolyard legend Jason Fife, just to show what a gracious Heisman candidate he is.

Now Bellotti prepares to face his nemesis, Rick Neuheisel, with a reeling team and no defensive secondary. Big screen videos of a barfing Rick will be of no help now. Nor will the Husky recruiting list. Nor will phony depth charts, or stories about Washington quarterbacks, or stories of how Washington will run strictly option next season. If Bellotti drops to 1-4 against Neuheisel, the rent, uh, roof will be raised in Eugene.

All Duck fans are encouraged to enter the stadium early and take all the Husky seats. Its high time those high faluttin Husky fans had to fight for their seats like anyone else. Race Bannon is going to let me out of the kennel to attend this game, and I look forward to seeing newly remodeled Autzen Arena with my own eyes. Go Ducks!

Editors Note: There is no cheering allowed in the press box, Mallard. It's not like covering a game in Corvallis.
Northwest Cup: Week two on tap
Race Bannon

The Washington Huskies travel to Eugene to take on the Oregon Ducks in an annual hate fest that has bitter feelings on both sides now. Husky fans are used to a rude reception when traveling the backwaters of the Pacific Northwest, and have stayed above the fray as all royalty does. But a severe and unprovoked attack by the Duck "brain" trust has leveled the playing field in the emotional department. The Huskies have circled this game on the calendar, and have played possum all season just to get the fat headed Ducks asleep at the switch.

This is payback, and the Huskies will pay with interest. They will unleash their 1-yard per carry running attack, and then go over the top of the mini me secondary to Reggie, Paul and ET. They will stuff the big 0 back into his bong, and rattle the former schoolyard legend that is fast becoming bench warmer material. I talked to Mr. T for his view of the game, and he said, "PAIN". Put this on your bulletin board, Ducks

UW – 56, UO – 20

Mallard N. Moore's take:
The Oregon Ducks have had some tough times lately, but tough times don't last, tough people do. They're going to circle the wagons and play with proclivity and passion. If they can beat Portland State they can beat Washington. Haloti Ngata will sit on the rodeo boy, and Keith Lewis will intercept the over rated Pick Off 5 times by himself. This is a must win. Of course, we can always get Tedford back from Cal if Bellotti blows this one.

UO – 23, UW – 16

The Cougars have the week off, and will work on sharing together and anger management. Coach Price has asked the players to each get a girlfriend of their own for the two-week holiday. The team has worked hard for this time off, and will use it to show their drinking skills at The Coug. The crummy Huskies are as good as beaten already, and the only question left about this Coug team is Pasadena or Tempe. Dr. Heimlich is on retainer just in case. "Coog it" has been banned from the campus by the speech police. Roses will be handed out to the fans and players at the Apple Cup, before the game of course. I mean, why wait? Is there any doubt?

And Finally….. Poof goes Oklahoma, our second favorite team………put a hold on Bellotti to A&M rumors for now………Jeff Tedford wins the battle of the Spawn over Koetter….Was Tedford really the brains in Eugene?…….USC continues to impress, but is it too late?…..UCLA is getting hot - how hot by December 7?……OSU will get back on track against Stanford……Civil War should go to the home team……Virginia Tech lost to Syracuse, a school better known for Mitch Levy than for winning football……I'll be at Autzen Arena, so remember me in your prayers.

Thanks for reading! – Race
Race Bannon can be reached at Top Stories