It's the first time this has happened while watching golf on TV. I'm enjoying the RBC Heritage on CBS last weekend, and, as is my custom, I watch a little, eat a little, take a little-but-delicious nap and then watch a little more. My little grandkids will often wake from their nap and join me on the couch to cuddle and ease back into their world of pall-mall play.
Anyway, this golf-ball commercial comes on and I'm wondering if my nappy noggin is really hearing this. It is. As the commercial's dumb-ass dialogue continues, I search for the remote so I can hit mute or switch channels. The commercial ends before I can do either, but I'm hoping the ad did not kick-start the curiosity of a couple of cute little kids.
The commercial is for the Top Flight Gamer golf ball, and it goes like this:
A beautiful blonde in a short, golf skirt drives up to a foursome on a tee box and asks: "Does someone here need some balls?"
Really? You know where this is going, especially when one guy in the foursome responds with: "You know, I'm not thrilled with my balls."
The babe says gives him the Gamer. "These don't feel like the balls I play with," he says.
Babe: "Do you like the way they feel?"
Guy: "They're very dimply."
The babe explains the Dimple in Dimple Aerodynamics that maximizes distance. The guy, perhaps a bit too worked up by this fabulous female focusing on his balls, makes a jarring jump from tiny dimples to big balls. (Does size matter?)
Guy: "So these balls are bigger?"
Babe: "Nope. Same size as your balls."
The commercial ends with: "Top Flight. The balls to go for it."
But, of course, it doesn't end. They gotta squeeze out one more turd. A second guy in the foursome approaches the main guy and asks, "Mind if I …"
Guy: "Nobody touches my balls."
"Nobody touches my balls."
The good news is the commercial is short. But it's like watching a seventh grader who says a sorta-funny and then doesn't stop, repeating slight variations of it ad nauseum. Hey, I like sexy in an ad, but a little goes a long way, and it has to be done with style.
Try suggestion. Instead of this dopey dialogue, you'll get more bang for your buck if the setup is the guy pondering a drive that must clear a creek. The babe explains the Dimple in Dimple Aerodynamics with no innuendo. Then, if you want to have some fun, have the babe give the guy some Gamers and, while driving away, she smiles and says: "With those Gamers, you've got the balls to go for it."
Thing is, I like the Gamer and love that Top Flight provides a good ball at a good price. Top Flight should resist the urge to start down the profitable, soft-porn slope that could lead to more ads like this – or worse – and golf balls sold in a scotum-like leather pouches that you hang on your bag, like those truck bumper balls.
Top Flight makes good balls at a good price, so what's wrong with that as a tag line? The question is: When it comes to choosing class over cash, does Top Flight have the balls to go for it?