How to not Get Blootered at a tailgate

A doorman at a hotel once said to me, “Mr. Hurley there are only two kinds of people I hate in this world: Drunk people when I’m sober and sober people when I’m drunk.” It takes discipline to maintain a healthy level of sobriety through hours of tailgating. Some succeed, some fail. But cheer up. Here are a few tips to help you fight the good fight against slurism and other sins.

Liquor I hate to come right out and dismiss liquor because many of you don’t drink beer. But Liquor is quicker and if you plan to drink liquor all day I’m not sure I can help you. I’ll just say this. Lots of mixers, no more than one drink an hour and try very hard to wait until after the game.

Less Filling Buy two kinds of beer. Before the game beer and after the game beer. Before the game beer needs to have close to 4.0% alcohol or less. Heineken Light and Amstel Light both have 3.5%. Start there. After the game, assuming you aren’t driving, go to the good stuff. The hoppy brew. This website will help you decide.

Ice Ice Baby My friend Jim can’t stand to drink “bland” lite beer. So, he cracks open a Red Stripe or Modella Especial, pours it in a solo cup and then adds 3 cubes of ice. You might roll your eyes thinking he’s just making lite beer out of regular beer but I say, “Whatever works bro.”

No Solo Drink straight from the can or bottle. I don’t know why exactly but people drink faster from a cup then they do from a can or bottle.

Count Another friend, Les brings an index card to every gathering. Keeps it in his top pocket. On it he records every beer along with the time. He limits himself to a beer each 44 minutes. When he hits six he goes home. No index card? Use your notes on your phone.

Food Eat a real meal an hour before you plan to drink. Add a glass of milk if you can. Popcorn doesn’t count. If you don’t have access to food, change tailgates.

No means no thank you People equate happiness with drinking and therefore will challenge you with statements “Why aren’t you drinking?” Just be honest and say “I don’t want to fall asleep in my salad at dinner.”

Diversion Boredom is liquor’s ally. Don’t just sit and drink. Get up and move around. Walk. Play games. Throw the football.

Agua Try committing to one bottle of water in-between every beer. Do this before the game. After the game it’s back to cervaza a cervaza.

Game time This one is important. Make a pact with yourself that you aren’t going to drink during the game. Just be strong and rule it out before you even get in the car. That’s three key hours of sobriety.

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